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Perfect
Toad Venom
Citation:   Elilium. "Perfect: An Experience with Toad Venom (exp117708)". Erowid.org. Feb 12, 2024. erowid.org/exp/117708

 
DOSE:
20 mg vaporized Toad Venom (dried)
BODY WEIGHT: 125 lb
A Perfect First Time Experience

I felt that I wanted to share my first 5-MeO-DMT experience. I'm a 32 years old female with a lot of psychedelic experience behind me.

I was in a warmer climate where the temperature was around 30 degrees Celsius. There were about eight of us who were going to smoke Bufo together in a ceremony with a Shaman, and we were going to do it outdoors. Large blankets were spread on the ground with a pillow on each one. We each sat on a blanket and were given an eye mask. Everyone received a small glass pipe containing the toad venom, which looked like dried thin pieces in a white/yellow translucent color. The Shaman would go around to each person and light the glass pipe. We were given instructions on how to inhale the smoke, and I felt very calm since I had smoked regular DMT before, where the smoke is also heavy.

The Shaman came to me as the second person, and I started inhaling the smoke from the pipe. To my surprise, the smoke was much stronger than regular DMT, and I began by coughing out the smoke. Soon, I mastered the technique and swallowed the smoke. Normally, one should signal with their hand if they didn't want more so that the Shaman could take away the pipe. However, I started noticing that reality began to change, and I started to detach from it. I didn't have time to do anything more than lean back so that my head touched the pillow, put on the eye mask, and then I was completely gone.

In less than 1 second, I was in the midst of the trip. I had traveled out of my body in less than 1 second. The power of the trip was the strongest I had ever felt. It was the most intense feeling I had ever experienced. There was no time or opportunity to resist, question, or hesitate. My ego died in 1 second. I was extremely shocked by how the trip felt; there was a constant overwhelming feeling of extreme shock, but all I focused on was letting go. I was shocked but never afraid. In one second, I completely forgot the existence I knew, nothing that was previously familiar to me remained, and instead, I was suddenly one with the most obvious existence of truth. I had no sense of the body at all; I didn't even think about having a body or any kind of identity. What am I? I am one with everything right now. Nothing separates us, and everything is eternity. Eternity that exists everywhere at once.

I was only pure awareness, nothing else, and I was one with everything. All I saw was a white, gigantic light with subtle patterns that were barely distinguishable. I could see the white light while being a part of it. The experience was so intense that the only thing I could "do" was "be" in it. I let go of everything! Myself, my identity, my body, reality, the experience. I questioned nothing. I let go of everything trying to understand what was happening. I felt an immense freedom, immense peace, immense liberation. Liberation was the strongest feeling in this white light. I had no perception of time, and I didn't even think about what time was; it was completely irrelevant there. I was in eternity, and eternity was the most beautiful place I had ever been. Despite the absurd experience, it felt completely normal for my consciousness to be in this place.

The others and I interpreted this place as where we are before we are born and where we go when we die. It felt like it was behind the curtain of our reality. Everything was perfect there. Just as it should be. And we were held by something indescribable. We belonged to something big, together.

As the effects began to fade, a wave of euphoria and joy washed over me. I screamed with joy, and I heard myself laughing because I was in such shock over what had just happened to me. I heard my friend next to me start laughing when she heard me (which she later said was incredibly delightful). I stayed on the blanket on the ground with the eye mask on, feeling myself slowly coming back into my body. It was a slow process to come down again; I landed slowly like a leaf falling from a tree to the ground. If I had had a lid on my head, it felt like it was wide open, and the energy radiated in from above and down into the body. I had enormous vibrations throughout my body; it felt like an enormous energetic catharsis, and it was the most pleasant feeling I had ever felt. I began to notice that it felt like something was crawling on my body (which later turned out to be ants), but when I was in the white light, I felt nothing.

I both felt the vibrations in my body and heard that I had continuously made some kind of sound while lying on the blanket. I felt that the more I let go of the voice, the more relaxed my whole body became. It was wonderfully pleasant to let go. There was nothing in me that felt inhibited or stiff. Everything was just liberated.

I felt reborn. I felt incredibly purified, cleansed, and fresh. I was full of extreme joy, euphoria, and love. So pure. So light. So clear. No ego. Just pure awareness. It felt like I weighed as light as air. After taking off the eye mask and standing up, we all began to laugh and hug. And we hugged. And the love in those hugs was beyond this world, so genuine it was. It felt like we were in the same trip yet not. We all told each other that we wanted to go back; we wanted to do it again. I had a strong feeling that I wanted to go back.

I have no idea about the duration of the most intense phase, the peak. I guess it was somewhere between 15-30 minutes because from the moment I lay down on the blanket and disappeared to when I was back in my body and stood up again, was about an hour.

The following week, something happened that I was not prepared for. During the nights when I was sleeping, I relived the entire Bufo experience, especially the feeling of 'letting go and dying.'
The following week, something happened that I was not prepared for. During the nights when I was sleeping, I relived the entire Bufo experience, especially the feeling of 'letting go and dying.'
In the dreams, I realized that I had to do it because if I resisted, I could have a bad trip, so I let go - time and time again - and relived the ecstasy of dying and just being pure consciousness again. This was apparently called 'Bufo reactivation,' and it can happen afterward.

This experience relived me of my fear of death, and it cleared away any negative or depressing thoughts/emotions. I was free. I was so clear. So empty yet completely full. I had some grounding issues the following weeks, but found that I just needed to be in nature. So that's what I did. Being around people or being in the city was too intense for me. I felt so connected to nature so I spend my days there.

10/10 would do it again :)

Exp Year: 2023ExpID: 117708
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Feb 12, 2024Views: 14
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Toad Venom (46) : First Times (2), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Group Ceremony (21)

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