DOSE:

Pharms - Alprazolam

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

There have been several times in my life where I have had deeply spiritual experiences. Often these occurred at times of severe stress. I believe God was reaching out to me in my darkest hours. On this particular occasion, I was exceptionally overwhelmed by my abusive, narcissistic, sociopathic former boyfriend. I was having extreme panic attacks. In the past I have had some relief from them through guided meditation and self-hypnosis, so I decided to try it again because the anxiety was so intense. I was also detoxing from Xanax, which was causing me to have tremors, nausea, and anxiety.

I closed my eyes and began to focus on the physical sensations around me- the ticking clock on the wall, the cold air coming from the fan, faint voices in the front courtyard, etc. I had a strange sensation come over me. I started feeling like I was spinning. Normally this would have scared me and I would have opened my eyes. I was so miserable and desperate for relief in that moment that I just let myself go- threw myself into the experience completely. I figured nothing could make me feel any worse. I mustered up all the focus and concentration I could and let the world around me fade away. I was completely focused on my internal world. The spinning sensation increased, but I did not feel dizzy. I felt like I was a top spinning and spinning until something came loose! All of a sudden the spinning stopped and everything was quiet and peaceful. I looked down and noticed I was floating, hovering high above my body. I noticed a thin cord, almost as thin as a spider’s web or dental floss at the most. It was connecting me to my body below like a tether. I felt completely at peace. Calm and detached from the world, but still observing it. I saw below me the past and the present- simultaneously. I saw my current self, sitting on the sofa, and I saw myself as a child (5 or 6 years old). A wave of intense sadness and loss washed over me. I felt compassion for that little girl. I wanted to pick her up, hold her, tell her she is safe. I want to tell her I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore. I detached enough that I saw myself in a different light. I felt the thin cord tugging at me. I didn’t want to go back into my body again- it was so beautiful and peaceful high above it all. I knew the cord was too strong for me to resist it. I literally felt it tugging at me.
I opened my eyes and saw I was back in my body on the couch again. My face was stained with tears. These were cleansing tears.

From that day forward I started seeing myself the way God sees me- a child that deserves to be loved and is not bad because of the things that happened to me. He wanted to tell me I am loved and never alone. He is always with me. He carried me through all of those bad, traumatic experiences. Although I felt lost for so many years, he always knew exactly where I was and was closer than I knew.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 117946
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 42
Published: Jul 17, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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OBE (332) : General (1), Alone (16)