DOSE:

1 bowl

vaporized

Toad Venom

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

I was going to attend a Bufo ceremony with a Shaman later in the evening. I fluctuated between being excited and nervous all day. I really oscillated between these states right up until I had the pipe in my mouth and was about to inhale the smoke. Then I felt, "okay," it’s time.

I inhaled the smoke from the pipe very slowly, and every time I felt the urge to exhale, I swallowed instead. I kept swallowing the smoke to take in more. I emptied the whole pipe. I didn't have time to signal that I was done or count to 10 with my fingers as we were told to do. All I managed to do was put the eye mask over my eyes and fall back onto the cushion behind me.

In less than a second, I was completely gone. In less than a second, I was at the peak of the trip. I ended up in a black void; it was completely black, but I could glimpse some vague patterns in this black void. I kept dying, and dying, and dying again. The more I surrendered, the more I died. I think I died in multiple layers of my existence, but it’s a bit unclear if that’s a correct interpretation. I did at least have a full proper death, that’s for sure.

I had no ego, no thoughts, no feelings, no body, no identity. I had completely transcended my existence. I was one with everything, and I was nothing. It is the most intense experience I've ever had. I died completely. It was total transcendence, and that feeling is absolutely indescribable. I know that I died, over and over and over, and I was completely okay with it (In the sense that there were no one to there to have feelings about the situation). I felt absolutely no emotions in this state; there was nothing to feel. I was completely dead.

Completely dead
No identity
No feelings
No thoughts

Just the pure experience of total dissolution
Completely dissolved

There was no one to have an experience; I was just an experience.

Transcendence is absolutely indescribable in words; I can’t even begin to try. My entire existence was dissolved. It wasn’t a pleasant or unpleasant feeling to die and dissolve. It just was, completely neutral. This is a natural state for our consciousness, I didn’t feel like I was transported to an alien place, but a rather natural place. There was nothing, and above all, there was no fear whatsoever. Not a single second of fear. Not a single second of any feeling at all. Since I no longer existed, nothing that belonged to my human self existed either. I got to experience what it was really like not to exist, but at the same time, I must have been "something" since I can tell this story?

The energy release in the peak was incredibly strong. Again, hard to put in words. Hard to describe the intensity of the experience, but it was beyond everything and more. After being in that state for a while, I felt vibrations coming from what must have been my mouth. The intensity of my vibrations matched the intensity of the experience. I was completely uninhibited, completely liberated. It felt good to let go of everything. And I felt my whole body, especially my arms, vibrating with really powerful energy. It felt like a catharsis in my limbs, and I absolutely couldn’t move my body in any way at all.

The descent was slow, incredibly slow. The only reason I realised it was because I couldn't move my body. I was back in my head but unable to do anything other than breathe. After what seemed like a long time, I managed to move my arms and legs, and my whole body felt heavy and relaxed. By this time, the shaman and the helpers were playing instruments and singing. The music and rhythm were so beautiful that I sang along. It felt good to sing and feel and hear those vibrations coming out of me.

It was a good experience, I’m forever grateful for it. It feels a bit disappointing that I can't describe it better... No words are enough, or telling enough.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118141
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 33
Published: Sep 28, 2024	Views: 15
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Toad Venom (46) : Group Ceremony (21), Mystical Experiences (9), General (1)