DOSE: T+ 0:00	1/4 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:30	1/4 tablet	oral	MDMA	(pill / tablet)
T+ 0:00	repeated	oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine

BODY WEIGHT:

93 kg

I’m a man in my early thirties. Since I was 18, I have been deeply interested in psychedelics. It was around this age that I discovered magic mushrooms, leading to numerous profound experiences. I have also been a casual weed smoker since I was about 16, though I recently cut back because I couldn't resist smoking whenever I had some around. Now, I smoke occasionally, usually just a drag from a passing joint at a party.

Before my recent MDMA experience, I considered mushrooms the ultimate drug for self-growth and mental healing. I had tried ecstasy/MDMA three times in my early twenties, but none of those experiences compared to my latest one.

I have been together with my wife for about 11 years, and last summer we finally got married. We shared a few mushroom trips together that definitely brought us closer. In fact, my most transformative trips have been the ones I shared with her.

For years, she occasionally mentioned wanting to try MDMA, but there was never a rush. I believe that the opportunity for a mind-altering experience presents itself when the time is right, and a few days ago, the stars aligned for such an occasion. We were heading to a punk rock festival with friends, including Rowen and Carol, our long-time climbing buddies. Trusting each other with our lives on many climbs in the Alps had forged a strong bond between us. Besides climbing, Rowen and Carol also know how to party. My wife mentioned her curiosity about MDMA again and I knew exactly who to ask. While he couldn't obtain pure MDMA, he did get some ecstasy pills from a reliable source.

The festival was on a warm August day in a beautiful park with castle ruins surrounded by water. After watching a few performances and having some beers, we received the pills from Rowen. Shortly after, my wife, another good friend (let’s call him Boris) each took a quarter of a pill, just to be safe. After ingesting our small doses around 7 PM, we watched a punk rock band consisting of mostly young women in their early twenties. It was an impressive performance for women that young of age, but I was preoccupied with waiting for the come-up.

After half an hour with no effects, we took another quarter off a pill and sat on the grass next to a tree by the water, waiting. Shortly after, I had to go pee. When I returned and sat down again, I felt a subtle change, as if everything was a bit smoother and softer. Everything just felt a bit more polished. My wife and Boris were feeling something too. After a few minutes, it intensified, and I felt excited but slightly dizzy. My wife was feeling dizzy too. I decided to lay down on the grass for a bit. Relaxing my body completely this way felt quite nice. Boris, more experienced with MDMA, was having a great time and became very talkative, reassuring us that the pills were definitely of good quality. I got up to get us some drinks and walking felt really good despite the dizziness. Back on the grass, I noticed my heart was racing at 110 bpm, which worried me. My wife and Boris had a similar pulse though, which calmed me down a bit. Boris started talking about what a fantastic experience having children is. He recently became a father but he also knew about the recent crisis I had with my wife about whether or not to have children. I could tell my wife was uncomfortable talking about the subject, but after a while, the conversation opened up, and we had a deeply honest conversation about this difficult topic.

I admitted that the crisis about having children (or not) had been a really rough patch in our brief marriage. Talking openly without feeling hurt was a relief. We listened to each other with complete attention. What was incredible about this moment is how uncompromising we were in our attention for each other. We were truly listening to each other’s thoughts and feelings without any effort. There was not a single distraction, we felt pure love and compassion.

I was feeling really, really good now. I rarely experience such joy in conversations, often talking about myself a bit too much. But now, listening to another felt just as amazing as talking myself. I was enjoying everything that was happening around me. I hugged Boris without holding back. This is going to sound immature, but usually, when I hug a man, there is always some holding back. But this was different. This was a real hug, like all hugs with friends should be. I confessed to my wife and Boris about my judgmental nature in crowds, something I despise about myself. But at that moment, I was free of prejudices, seeing everyone as fellow human beings with unique stories and reasons for doing the things they did. I expressed my dissatisfaction with my desk job and my desire to become a teacher. Both my wife and Boris immediately encouraged me and told me I would make a great teacher, making me feel incredible. I had been contemplating this career path for a while but was afraid to take the leap. Now, it seemed ridiculous not to pursue it. It was all so clear now, as if my heart was speaking to me.

Physically, I felt amazing too. I’m a tall guy, around 6.5 feet, but I was never very fit when I was younger. In the past few years, I gained a lot of fitness from running and climbing. Yet I was never content with my body. But now, I was. I felt incredible. Going through my hair with my hand felt amazing and I kept doing this during the whole evening. Boris commented on how handsome I looked and I hugged him once more. I realized what a kind person and great friend Boris is. I told him how lucky I was being so rich in friendships.

The sun had set and it was getting dark now. We were peaking and felt like walking around, drink some beers and enjoy the live music. We arrived at the main stage just as the American hardcore band Terror started playing. I find it hard to describe the feeling at that very moment. I have never in my life experienced the energy I felt there and then. It was absolutely incredible. The intense and raw energy of their performance electrified the crowd and engulfed us completely. We found Carol and Rowen in the crowd, and it was joyous to be reunited. We hugged them (of course) and told them what an amazing time we were having. They were clearly having a good time as well. I never saw them so in their element before. Over the years, we had spent a lot of time together in the mountains but never really partied together. It was nice to discover a whole new side to them after all these years of friendship. Their energy was having a strong influence on us, and we started dancing and bouncing around as well. It felt amazing and was living 100% in the moment.

We decided to share the last bits of pills we had left to prolong the experience. In this moment, I understood why this substance is potentially addictive. Who wouldn't want to feel this good all the time? I was in awe of the drug’s power and beauty but resolved never to abuse it. During the concert, I kissed my wife a few times. Feeling her soft, wet lips on mine was an amazing sensation. Kissing the woman I’ve been together with for 11 years suddenly had a novelty to it. I felt immense love and appreciation for her.

The rest of the concert is a bit of a blur, likely due to the beer. I later learned mixing MDMA with alcohol is potentially dangerous, so I won’t be doing that again. But like everything at the time, drinking cold beer just felt really, really good. And we didn’t seem to get very drunk either. I also can't remember much about the band that was performing. I was more focused on the crowd's energy and my friends than I was on the stage and any of the artists. At one point, I told Carol about my desire to teach, and she too encouraged me.

After Terror's set, we saw a few more bands as we slowly but surely came down. But what remained throughout the night, was the ability to communicate with people spontaneously and with great ease. Conversations felt genuine and stimulating. While I felt a bit worn out, my wife seemed tireless. After the security cleared the festival site around 2 AM, she wanted to search for a bar. We eventually found one, drank a few more beers and talked with friends and strangers alike. Around 4 AM, we finally made it back to our car and went to sleep. After a few hours of sleep, I had sobered up enough to drive us home.

I had an upset stomach and reduced appetite for about two days. I also felt tired and a bit emotionally drained, which I guess is pretty normal after such an intense experience. My wife and I had a few more open conversations about ourselves and our relationship. Five days later, I'm still feeling a subtle afterglow. I feel more engaged in social interactions and I’m genuinely interested in other people’s stories.

MDMA truly is a love drug. I expected a fun night out with friends, and although that is exactly what I got, I didn't anticipate such a transformative experience. I underestimated Miss Molly's powerful healing capabilities. It cured my emotional constipation and reconnected me with my fellow humans. We are truly all brothers and sisters. These are words I have always tried to live by, but feeling this instead of merely knowing it, is what makes all the difference. This is where traditional therapy falls short, in my opinion. Therapy helps you realize things, but MDMA makes you feel these realizations intensely. I believe this is where the true potential of MDMA-assisted therapy lies. I feel like a good person now, ready to do good in the world without feeling like I have to try hard. It feels almost effortless, all I have to do is love myself and those around me.

As to whether I will become a teacher remains to be seen, but I feel more confident in my abilities and less daunted about changing my career path. Thank you for taking the time to read about my journey. Wishing peace and healing to everyone.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118286
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: Oct 15, 2024	Views: 15
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MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)