DOSE:

3 hits

smoked

Toad Venom

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

My first Bufo (5-HO-DMT, 5-meo-DMT) experience

My experience was nothing like a single testimony I absorbed. That is not to say that a number of elements weren't fully relatable, don't get me wrong, it's just that it was so unique to me that all of my expectations were obliterated.

I was very nervous and was very thankful that my facilitator spent a great deal of time with me prior to absorption. We connected as humans, worked with the Tarot a bit, did a little breathwork and bam I was "ready".

Unfortunately or fortunately: I only remember around half of each go [of three rounds]. To put this into perspective I chose to have it recorded as I wanted to see myself afterward. I noted numerous points of the experience in hindsight in viewing the footage that I have no conscious recollection of. That is very weird and I wonder what was going on during those moments.

I had a sort of an NDE via a suicide attempt 15 short years ago wherein I also blacked out though too had profound moments of lucidity afterward. Off topic but not entirely: I'll get back to this.

My body took the amount of the medicine that was right. She didn't serve large portions but more light to medium though I went super deep each time. Then again, I have no reference to compare the dosage volume to. The moment I exhaled I lost consciousness however always ended up in hyper lucid states of: extreme somatic release (screaming, purging darkness, crying, laughing, and feeling love), extremely unique tastes of the "secret" of life/death, psychological terror/horror and I mean this maximally, and alas beauteous moments of loving connection to my facilitator & God.

I intimately entered into rapport with my inner child (crying as I write this as it's still alive) and felt all of the pain endured as an emotionally abused/neglected little boy. It was such a gift to be seen and held by a caring and compassionate woman who showed up for me at that point of super rawness. The wisdom she shared felt as if she was a legit expression of the Divine Mother herself. As woo as that sounds, it was a tangible experience which is ultimately wordless.

I had a moment of timeless limitless love/joy in connection with both my Soul and the Soul of (guide). The notion of whether the Soul exists or not isn't a question in these deep medicinal states in my experience. The shared testimonies of being one with everyone and everything was experienced here to some degree as I felt no separation between self and other. The profound beauty of these moments was heart opening and full of tears from oceanic depth.

I had a moment of death which was deeply unsettling and profound. I was dying and didn't break through that fear. I cannot share the specificity of the feeling as it's so unique to my psyche however I can say it shook me to the core. What's weird to me is the amount of experienced unconsciousness which doesn't seem ubiquitous across experiences. I once heard of a phenomenon of a "ring pass not" which is essentially a boundary which cannot be penetrated unless the Soul is capable/ready. It comes to mind as perhaps in my unconsciousness I did "break through" but it wasn't to be remembered at this time. It is also rumored that whilst one goes unconscious one is undergoing deep healing and that one isn't ''supposed'' to remember. Perhaps the trauma is too unsettling to the being so the blacking out is a safety/defense mechanism. Lots of speculation.

I had moments of confusion as in what the heck did I just do, what the heck am I doing, and who the heck is this person. She knew that and took great care in making me feel safe and secure. I surrendered to her and was very glad that I did. With that said I can't imagine the hell people endure with this process with a-holes who shouldn't be facilitating this medicine at all. The degree of vulnerability is outrageous: please get to know your person at least a bit prior to committing to these processes.

I had a purge of my lifetime. It felt akin to an exorcism and I mean EXORCISM. The depths from which the darkness inside of my being was coming was out of this world. Old shit, potentially past life shit. But also this life shit. My lineages shit, societies shit, but also entirely my shit. The primal screams as this darkness and pain exited my being into the convenient purge bucket must have been heard and felt in all places in the cosmos. I genuinely believe they call it medicine work for a reason.

I had a moment of a hyper state of telepathic communion with (guide) which was too short to be honest. It was a point in which she was literally aiding in the process of the purification of my bio energetic system. I won't get too woo with all the ideologies around parasitic infections and where those may or may not latch on but will say it could be true that there is validity in the phenomenology of curses/hexes/spells or simply samskaras/karmic-ripenings. I realize these words are words and are entirely unique to my constitution, idiosyncrasy, life, and soul's journey. Nevertheless it's the best I can do.

I have a lucid memory of "dealing" with my suicidality which was absolutely profound. I remember my guide speaking words to me which assisted me in the "choosing of life". The realization of the eternal nature of Life was also alive. The depth of this element of the experience will never be forgotten. A precious gift of Divine intervention. Also to say since the ceremony my mind feels different. Certain self loathing thoughts are becoming more squelched or another path is being trodden. I wholeheartedly believe in the medicinal capacities of these medicines to get to the heart of one's matter to assist one in healing oneself!

All in all after all of that I feel the same as I did before the healing working. That is not to say that I don't feel an increase in lucidity, somewhat of an increase in joy, increase in desire to give/receive love, increase in desire to integrate/stabilize my life, and some really profound dreams. It's just that I certainly do not feel like it was any sort of a magic pill that generates overnight transformation. I wish it was like that but that's simply not how it works.

I will say I foresee the integration as being as profound as the ceremony. I will work with this medicine again beyond doubt. I know that with a more somatically aligned/cleared bio-system the experience can be much different than it was for me my first time. Coming into this medicine stable is essential unless you want to play Russian roulette however this is just my two cents. Psychologically unstable individuals can get screwed royally which became tantamountly clear in my sitting.

Thanks for reading and take good care

TLDR; Bufo is an incredible medicine. I do and do not recommend it. It can be life changing and life shattering if unprepared or without proper guidance.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118317
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: Sep 21, 2024	Views: 15
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