DOSE: T+ 0:00	10 - 20 mg	insufflated	Ketamine	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:00	repeated	oral	Amphetamines
T+ 7:00	10 - 20 mg	insufflated	Ketamine	(powder / crystals)
T+ 0:00		oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine
T+ 18:00	100 mg	insufflated	Ketamine	(powder / crystals)
T+ 18:10	100 mg	insufflated	Ketamine	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

76 kg

Throughout my life, I have never experienced hallucinations as intricate as those I encountered last night. My intention was not at all to reach such a level; I merely wished to sleep. Sleep, indeed, because prior to this, both during work and afterward, I consumed amphetamine to function more effectively throughout the day.

I feel that many factors had to coalesce for this experience to ultimately transpire. After work, I went to the theater—not a traditional one, but to a performance by an independent troupe. They staged two plays: Socrates – The Apology and a Diogenes monodrama.

Not surprisingly, the plays profoundly moved me once again—since I had seen them before. The questions of death and virtuous living resonated deeply... I must also add that I am currently reading a marvelous book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstadter. I considered it important to mention these influences because my experience was permeated by the echoes of thoughts from the performances and the book.

Set: 3:20 AM, fatigue, slightly under the influence of alcohol from the red wine consumed at the theater, mildly sensing the amphetamine comedown — that I consumed throughout the day, I ingested approximately 200–300 mg, divided over several instances nasally. I took a cold-water bath for about 5–7 minutes with the coldest water available from the tap. Some tolerance toward ketamine arises because at T-18 (hours prior), during the morning before work, I consumed a small amount, roughly 10–20 mg, and the same amount at T-7 before the theater.

Setting: Bedroom, pleasantly heated, enveloped in total darkness. From the HI-FI system, the album Spontaneous Illumination by Entheogenic is playing—I am listening to it for the first time, having stumbled upon this album by chance.

First dose: ~100mg insufflated
T+0:00
I carefully prepared the lines in advance. I injected the first dose into each of two nostrils with approximately equal amounts of ketamine. After that I had some nausea. So I went to the bathroom. I accidentally sniffed a large one which caused significant ketamine to slide down my throat. It was a very nauseating sensation and some of the red wine I had consumed earlier had come to light. But it wasn't bad, in fact I somehow felt it was meant to be. The two don't go together anyway, it was as if my body knew exactly that it didn't need it anymore.

By the time I had completed all my rituals in the bathroom and finally emerged, I was already profoundly feeling the effects. The sensations of fatigue and muscle soreness had almost imperceptibly vanished. As I returned to the prepared lines, I began to sense within myself the characteristic movement patterns induced by ketamine. So, I made my way to bed, but I took with me the plate containing the ketamine and placed it in the drawer of my nightstand. I rested my head briefly and allowed myself a few breaths' worth of respite. Finally, for the last dose, I pulled out the drawer and consumed an amount of ketamine equal to the previous one.

Second dose: ~100 mg insufflated
T+0:10
I took a sip of water and turned off the light. Music was already playing on Spotify, but I turned the volume down from my phone because I wanted to sleep. Oh but boy, ketamine had something in store for me other than the mere sleep after an amphetamine comedown...

And the journey began:

I lay on my back beneath the blanket. I felt my body meld with the bed and covers in an instant.

Then, at first, I saw two-dimensional stripes. They slowly alternated between horizontal and vertical directions. They glowed in colors similar to the patterns I usually experience just before falling asleep.

(Note: In this account, I use the word "room," but such rooms cannot exist according to the laws of modern physics. The transformations between "rooms," spaces, and planes of existence were incredibly complex. It was overwhelming to observe in this manner.)

During one of the alternations between the vertical and horizontal line distributions, I perceived that the pattern expanded into three-dimensional space. It was as if the graphics had formed a room. The walls of this room were entirely composed of the patterns I had seen earlier. Moreover, the center of the room's floor was bulging outward—like a net being stretched from beneath—and the graphics continued seamlessly over this protrusion.

I was greatly surprised that such richly detailed pre-sleep images appeared. Usually, if I'm not extremely tired or overly stimulated in the evening, I can reach the hypnagogic state from which I slowly drift into sleep, but I never reach such a level in that state. I have never been able to create and maintain such a well-defined space for an extended period.

Gradually, the alteration of bodily sensations accompanied the visual experience. It felt as if I began to orbit around the bulging entity in the center of that room. I felt as though I was circling, either with the bed or without it, just as I perceived visually.

Then the music changed. This album is unbelievable. The synchronization between the music and the visual experiences was so perfect that it's indescribable. I began to feel completely absorbed. I was a bit taken aback, but I allowed things to unfold. Slowly, I felt as if I were rising and turning headfirst toward the bulge in the center of the room. Then came a transition, for which perhaps the most fitting word is transformation.

I felt as if I were not in space and not affected by time, but as if I too had been woven into the fabric of space-time. It was as though I had become part of the very coexistence of space and time. It was an incredibly strange sensation.

I felt as if my body were being propelled on a cart—to the right, to the left, upward and downward. And somehow, I kept finding myself in these similar rooms, each functioning differently in its own way. The visuals transformed differently in response to the music, generating various bodily sensations, and most significantly, I began to feel (!) emotions.

It was as if this were the true reality. As if my everyday perceptions were only capable of sensing and processing a mere tenth of all this. But here, the transformations and patterns seemed so logical that I had no doubt the very fabric of "existence" was bending with me in every direction, pleasantly influenced by the music.

I truly felt as though my consciousness had ascended to a "higher plane." I sensed everyone within me simultaneously. We merged into a collective mass of substance. There's a saying that the universe experiences itself through us. These visions were entirely like that, but in reverse—I was observing the universe through my own mind, encompassing all its aspects: the past, the present, and the future. Even the law of causality became apparent to me. Everything was simply so self-evident.

I recall there was a room composed of red and white graphics. The emotion that overtook me in this room, or while observing it, was love. An ancient, profound sense of trust and affection awakened within me, as if a loving mother were radiating her love to her unborn child. I was somewhat conscious, and because I knew how to love, I loved. I simply loved, and this led to even more complex transformations.

There was a more challenging room as well. Previously, several years ago, under the influence of LSD, I had paranoid trips where I simply couldn't find peace. I clung to reality tooth and nail, afraid and panicking about what might happen to me. What do others think of me? How are they conspiring against me? How are they playing tricks on me on some cosmic level? I was terrified that they were controlling my mind and making a mockery of it as I suffered.

Well, in this room, I saw similar things. The room was hazy, as if covered by a veil. Colorful, glowing dots floated within; I felt these were people. Those very people who are now playing tricks on me, enacting a cosmic joke.

But fortunately, in the room of love, I had experienced such deep, primal trust that I didn't believe it. I didn't believe that anyone would do such a thing to me. That ancient love I received then provided sufficient proof to refute the possibility that such a thing could happen to me.

So instead of becoming frightened and reacting in any way to this initially scary room, I became even more comfortable. I relaxed, accepted it... And I understood, as if it became clear to me, that I went through this experience to finally comprehend: I shouldn't cling so tightly to my ego. I shouldn't be afraid, because there's nothing to fear.

There were many other rooms, spaces, or planes of existence that I can't describe in such detail, and perhaps there's no point in trying. However, each had its own message or lesson—about life, the meaning of life, people, family, friendships, space, and time.

The trip eventually came to a very pleasant end. I felt as if my body had been gently transported back to my bed. Slowly and gracefully, I arrived back in my own space, like a sleeping child being placed in a cradle. I regained my sight and noticed a faint light on the ceiling of the pitch-black room. I realized that my eyes had been open the entire time, as evidenced by the tears on my face.

Gradually, I became reacquainted with this kind of "reality" again. During the trip, I had felt as though I might never return here.

Reflecting on this profound journey, I realize that the experience taught me invaluable lessons about letting go of my ego and embracing trust over fear. It revealed the interconnectedness of existence and the fundamental importance of love. These insights have left a lasting impression, encouraging me to approach life with a renewed perspective.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118505
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Nov 26, 2024	Views: Not Supported
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Ketamine (31) : Combinations (3), General (1), Alone (16)