DOSE:	45-75 mg	IV	Ketamine	(liquid)
	repeated	oral	Kratom

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

My experience with Ketamine infusions has been surprising, enlightening, and very positive. I had no idea what to expect, and even if I had read others experiences, my experience was so immersive and incredible that I still would have been surprised. The spiritual nature of the infusions surprised me in all but the first infusion which was quite vague. I had been addicted to Kratom prior to starting my infusions, and had no idea how addictive/harmful it was. Quitting Kratom alone was a huge benefit that I'm extremely thankful for, but the withdrawals were horrible, so difficult, and still effecting me nearly two months later (I still have restless leg when trying to go to sleep some nights). I was in a very depressed state and stumbled upon ketamine infusion therapy online when looking up kambo ceremony (which I've done for detoxification in the past). I've come to believe a series of "coincidences" led me where I needed to be, and accepting this fact helped me open my mind to the healing possibilities of Ketamine. My provider uses the music subscription "Wavepaths" to guide the sessions, which led to some awe inspiration and reality-questioning (did my state of mind dictate those notes, or the other way around?). They also provided an eye mask. Speaking of which, I was often surprised to find that opening and closing my eyes would reset the visuals, so I tried keeping them open or closed.

Prior to the first infusion, I took .5 teaspoon of Kratom 8 hours before the appointment. During my intake I hadn't talked about using Kratom with the provider who was caught off-guard when I told her about it. Apparently they compete for receptors in the brain, so she'd have to compensate with a higher dosage. She would later compare Kratom to Heroin in its harmfulness/addictiveness, and I can see why after quitting.

In the first infusion, I only saw very muted colors (my provider suggested this was because of coffee drank beforehand). Some notable visions included being below the ground looking up through glass being walked on like a busy sidewalk, flowing slowly with liquids, liquid flowing into the soil I was in, and seeing mycelium form and mushrooms grow in front of me (filling my entire field of view). I also saw a gigantic river of red liquid flow over an edge, forming a waterfall flowing in slow motion into my body. I viewed this as life force and healing flowing into me. Another vision that I would have multiple times, but with different materials, was falling softly into the corner of a huge room and having the room steadily fill with a material (down feathers, snow, goo, etc.) and feeling peacefully buried and comforted. I also saw a room sort of inflate in front of me made entirely of down comforters that I wanted to live in and never leave.
This was the deepest infusion experience I had, possibly due to my sensitivity, or my provider overcompensating for my Kratom use, but whatever the case, I was blown away at the mental depth and physical effects, and I could hardly walk out to the car holding onto my wife after the infusion. Overall I felt like I was being guided and shown visions and can't help but question whether what I saw was a "hallucination" or an energetic reality beyond our vision. Either way, my visions were a reality on some level, and had a deep effect on my perspective on the nature of reality.

I refrained from drinking coffee for at least six hours before the rest of the infusions, and saw increasingly vivid colors. I also quit Kratom cold turkey, which was incredibly hard, causing insomnia, and a feeling like my entire body was a tongue being stuck on a 9-volt battery. I don't recommend it. Infusion 2 is where the spiritual overtones began. Going into the appointment, I was nervous and wanted to go home and take Kratom instead. My provider reassured me that I was doing a good thing, and re-wiring my brain would be uncomfortable at times, but I would thank myself for making it in for the infusions. In session 2 I felt like I was with God and viewing the act of creation on a molecular/energetic level, and trying to co-create a better experience of my life. The question "why did you do this to me?" came up regarding a feeling of being victimized at work, which had been the trigger for the mental health crisis leading me to take a leave of absence. It was quickly followed by "Why did I do that to you?" and accompanied by a situation from my past where I victimized a friend as a teenager and had questioned why ever since. The answer of why I had done it came through clearly as a coming of age and learning experience. The issue of karma, and karmic debt as the cause of pain and suffering became a real possibility in my view, where as in my past I viewed such concepts as woo-woo rationalization strategies. Since this infusion it's becoming less about "why" and more about learning and becoming a better version of my self, setting myself up for better karmic results. A recurring thought came up that somewhat concerned me. I was completely at peace with the idea of dying during an infusion, and part of me welcomed the idea. Depression had me thinking my family may just slip my provider an extra hundred dollars to overdose me and they'd slip my dead body out the back door never to be heard from again. Spoiler alert: that didn't happen and I no longer welcome the possibility of a fatal overdose.

After the second session I was no longer nervous for the infusions, and started looking forward to the weirdness and complete dissociation.

Infusion 3 was extremely vivid. Similar to reports of near-death experiences where the experiencer says what they saw was "more real than waking reality." I felt like I was taking part in an event. I was an energy field and positioned myself in a pinecone-like vessel with others without knowing why, but I knew something was about to happen. When we were in position and ready, the vessel took off, and we went up through the atmosphere into space, and approached a golden field of energy I recognized as "heaven". We got closer and closer, slowing down until we curved around and did a u-turn just in time to peek out the side and into heaven. I didn't see what was inside, but knew intuitively that it is reserved for highly spiritually evolved beings. Seeing this was extremely moving, and I even cried when I told my therapist about this. It might seem weird, but this experience was so meaningful and reassuring, restoring a feeling of benevolence behind our existence. I also saw a smaller, but similar field of golden energy up-close. I felt it was pure static electricity that I could move through and feel it's crisp energy as I interacted with it. It was perfectly still and unmoving even as I moved through it like a ghost. This experience was so clear and real, I feel like I'm back in a lower state of being after experiencing it.

- Infusions 4-5 were very interesting, and there was so much jumping from one scenario to the next that I couldn't possibly remember all of it. I do remember seeing what I intuitively knew was the "Akashic Record". I saw a scene of myself suffering through an experience, and the view of myself melded energetically with similar experiences of other people, as my field of view backed away from these unfolding realities, seeing them interconnected, I continued to back away recognizing the structure that was formed from the energy that makes up all existence, past, present, and future. It gives me chills just thinking about it. It looked like a gigantic field of energy, forming a cityscape of smaller dwellings leading up to a megalithic-looking building as large as the rest of the field combined, all formed of everything that has ever existed, including thoughts, potential outcomes, and actual events. Another scene I saw was of an Occult nature. A star shaped field of red energy rotating slowly around me in a dark, stone tomb, with an incoming message that our culture's limited view of reality is almost a joke compared to the potential if we broke free from illusion and the episodic conditioning we've been tragically burdened with.

It was at this point my provider began overstepping her task of providing me medicine, and took it upon herself to coach me through my tough spot at work. Her pre-infusion lectures created a conflicted state of mind that I had a hard time not blaming her for. But my rising awareness kept telling me this is happening because it's what's needed to learn and grow from this experience, even in a direction I hadn't anticipated. A recurring thought in multiple infusions was that every moment's experience is correct, and is part of the path to wholeness, whether I see the connection or not. After requesting in a written note that she kindly let me meditate before my next infusion instead of the uncomfortable face to face, she filled me in on her rationale and it made perfect sense from the point of view she held, not taking into consideration that what I had been experiencing was existential in nature, no longer just a work dispute issue. So I took it with a grain of salt and thanked her for her insight. She was going above and beyond her call of duty after all. Then I had the "breakthrough" infusion 7 which ended with me finding the answer to a dilemma just as the headphones came off. "I'm going to start a mushroom farm." Well, maybe I will.. but regardless of whether that comes to fruition, the important part of this series of infusions is that I'm re-wiring my brain, and rising above my previous state of depression. I could have upped my dose of Kratom and gone on with the status quo, but instead I followed my instinct, and it led me down a rabbit hole toward satisfaction, regardless of the circumstances. I don't know how close I am to the end of my "dark night of the soul" but it feels imminent, and I'm confident that I'll be able to take on the challenges I face, and move forward with the motivation I was looking for when I stumbled upon the solution that was laid out for me.

Exp Year: 2024	ExpID: 118513
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 38
Published: Dec 4, 2024	Views: Not Supported
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Ketamine (31), Kratom (203) : First Times (2), Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Mystical Experiences (9), Medical Use (47), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Therapeutic Session / Clinic (55)