DOSE:

2 g

oral

Mushrooms - P. cubensis

(dried)

BODY WEIGHT:

70 lb

I am a 37 year old female living close to Germany, in a medium urban area surrounded with nature. I took mushrooms for the second time in the fall of 2025. It was a chilly Monday afternoon at home and I knew I couId use a free afternoon for a big mental reset and some spiritual self exploration. I had mushrooms in my possession since I liked my first experience so much and it was so beneficial that I started growing Psylocibe cubensis from the strain “Golden Teacher” in my kitchen. Oh how I love that strain's name and how it inspired me ! I had already felt the mushroom as a teacher and a guide on the first time and know I really knew there was a mushroom entity who was guiding me though these psychedelic experiences.

Mindset and setting : I was at home and felt secure knowing that I had the whole afternoon for myself and that my husband would come back from work at around 6pm, after the peak of my trip. I hoped he would help me “land safely”. I had already been very productive in the morning, went grocery shopping, cleaned the kitchen, done numerous chores and even went running. I am a very “responsible” person and it is difficult for me to enjoy a free day without any responsibility. Therefore having ticked off these chores gave me “the right” to unplug for a psychedelic trip. My first trip was amazing and I barely remember the bad trip that happened on the second half of it, I only remember how much the first part has been positive and has opened my heart. But I remember that I had been very unfocused and that I had been a bit taken by surprise by the teachers. This time I tried to emulate a protocol that searcher and psychedelic writer James Fadiman advised and followed during therapeutic trial of psychedelics : I would lay in almost total darkness in my bedroom, under blankets, with a nice playlist of classical music. This time I knew what to expect and felt familiar with mushrooms since I had taken low doses from time to time and read a lot on the topic. I also had let some time pass between my initiation back in may and now, which was October, in order to integrate the experience. My focus was to work on big existential questions such as why am I so obsessed by injustice, why can’t I accept evil and suffering, why am I so attached to the illusions of this material world and how to recognize the true nature of the world.

The weather was pretty chilly and changing and I felt that I wouldn’t feel the same euphoria as back in may but rather a state of introspection was what I was looking for.

Dosage and timing information : I had an appointment with a chiropractor at 1.15pm. I started at around 1 pm that day and ingested about 2 grams of dried mushrooms. I felt that I had the time to bike to the appointment and that the effects would only kick in when I’d be back home since the appointment, being a follow-up appointment, wasn’t supposed to last long. Prior to that I had eaten nothing and only drunk water, tea and chicory coffee substitute with oat milk. I like to not eat and to fast when I am alone and I like taking shrooms on an empty stomach. I had told my husband that I would take mushrooms. We had discussed shrooms and psychedelics a lot since last time and he was becoming more open to it.

After ingesting the shrooms, I started getting busy and cycled to my appointment. On the last appointment the chiropractor had put back 4 of my ribs of the left side which had moved after a car accident 5 years ago and today he would put one back on the right. I could now breathe a lot better and the pain that I had felt for 5 years had stopped ! I felt so great. I normally apprehend chiropractic manipulations but this time I was very relaxed. I had no anxiety.

I cycled back home and then I started to notice that Wheatus’ Teenage Dirtbag and Crazytown’s Butterfly sounded weird on my phone. I also noticed that colors were a lot more vivid, that people looked strange and that my arms, which I could see on both sides of my handlebars, were huge. I understood that the mushrooms were already working very fast and that I just had the time to go back home before being fully submerged in the teachers learnings.

1.45pm I went back home and had a quick shower while the effects weren’t too strong and I could only see light tracers and feel a fuzzy feeling. I cleaned myself thoroughly and even washed my hair. I was happy and surprised that I was feeling very much at ease with the effects of the mushrooms and I could even do some practical things while under their effect. I would laugh with the effects and say out loud “this is normal if my limbs are very long, this is just an effect of my teachers”. I even washed, dried and straightened my hair and remember feeling so superficial for straightening my hair during a trip.

2pm I then tried to put some music on the vinyl player but it did not work. I frustratedly tried to call my husband who was at work and soon felt that it would spoil my trip if I couldn’t play music on the vinyl player since streaming services on my mobile phone or computer were full of ads. And I wanted to focus on spiritual growth, not on stupid ads !!!
I tried to sit on a yoga cushion but the visual stimulation was becoming too distracting.

2.15pm It was time to go in my room, in the dark, to focus on introspection and self-knowledge. I was happy I was well dressed, with a pretty and practical dress, a wool sweater, tights. I felt that I would not feel like I was becoming crazy when dressed for the day and that if anything happened I would be presentable.

2.30 pm to 5.30 pm I am normally not someone who feels chilly but I had to turn the heater on and tucked myself under two blankets in order to feel a reassuring weight. I also put on some classical music which I felt would serve as a frame for my trip and also a security net, preventing me from going astray, getting lost or anxious.

Then I started meditating on life. I talked to myself out loud a lot. I cried a lot for the pain and suffering in the world , saying things such as “it is too difficult, we suffer so much”, “why do we have to be incarnate in these bodies, we as one suffer so much” and I had waves of deep sadness and cried for all this suffering. Then the music from Henryk Gorecki’s Symphony number 3 was so beautiful that I felt like I was in the hands of God or the Cosmos. I felt that it could perfectly recount the magnificence of human existence. I clearly understood that God needs us to be born into matter and that all this suffering is just God ( or the Cosmos, the Universe, the One, the Beloved) loving us really. It all made perfect sense. Everything happening in the material world was just God loving us even if we couldn’t understand.

Time has stopped and I kept thinking in loops. My thought were very quick but rather repetitive.

I felt that life was very fragile and started thinking that I can die at any time and that scared me. I think that I have slight paranoid tendencies triggered (or revealed ???) by the sacred teachers.

I also managed to direct my thought on injustice and felt that injustice was just an illusion of the mind because for it to exist, I would need to be an external judge and since I was just part of the whole, I couldn’t set myself apart from the whole of the universe and pretend that I had a right to say what was fair and not. Then since injustice did not exist because no observer or judge exist separated from the whole I felt relieved. I cried and felt relieved but I also felt like the material world or maya like the hindus say, is an illusion and that I could see that very vividly.

I have had many other spiritual thoughts but cannot seem to remember them at the moment. Big breakthrough and thoughts under mushrooms seem to be a bit fleeting and I sometimes have trouble remembering them. All the while I was seeing a lot of kaleidoscopic patterns and when I looked at it, the screen of my mobile phone looked all orange and weird. I could barely read anymore. In between the symphonies I saw 2 advertisement from personal coaches on youtube and the first one seemed to be speaking several languages and the second one was telling me deep spiritual things about the meaning of life while looking all orange with huge eyes.

5.45pm My husband comes back from work and seems a bit worried that I am in the dark but I reassure him that I am just following a protocol for psychedelic trips in order to focus on inner work and internal sensations. He is very tired and lay next to me and I start feeling guilt for laying in bed and undergoing a psychedelic trip while he comes back from work. I am starting to feel anxiety build up. However my husband is not reproaching me with anything, I can observe that my guilt is 100% internal and deeply framed into my psyche.

I keep on listening to the music again but I could feel that my husband did not enjoy that said music and I felt it and had to stop the music. I decided that I was done with the trip (because I was feeling guilty to be lying there doing apparently nothing) and that I needed to go back to practical life.

6.30 pm I sat down on the bed with my husband and we has a great nice big cheerful spiritual discussion. He has lost his mum a few month ago and I told him she would make sure he was allright, through the Sacred Mother who was a manifestation of the Beloved who was God. I kept on moving in a weird way while talking and could really feel that my brain was being rewired by the sacred teachers !

7 pm My husband started cooking and I was very much taken aback, I was unable to eat apart from a few bits of shredded carrot and kept asking him not to be angry and telling him that I would keep this for my meal tomorrow. I mean he wasn’t angry but a bit bothered but he had cooked chicken and I usually do not like meat and especially not know. The smell of chicken felt way too powerful in a terrible way. I still had strong visuals but we had to go out at 7.40pm in order to bring forest mushrooms to a mycology committee room. We had picked some wild forest mushroom the day before, boletus and black trumpets and we wanted to bring them to the mycologist for further identification in order not to have to throw them out.

7.40 pm I couldn't bring myself to understand how we would do that, how to cycle to the place where we had to go, how to carry my wallet and the baskets with the mushrooms, I had been thinking about it for 40 minutes but I couldn’t put it all together. But I still managed to put on my coat and hat, put my wallet in my pocket and go on the bike.

I saw a gang of kids from the neighborhood hanging together, staring at us while we went outside the house and I felt totally paranoid that they were going to kill us since I probably looked weird with big pupils and that we are jewish (this does not reflect a personal opinion but an experience of paranoia while under psychedelics). This set up a tone of paranoia for the whole trip. Trees and the surrounding where going too fast and I felt scared for my life. I was afraid we would get killed tonight because the committee was in a bad neighborhood 15 minutes away from home and the setting was gloomy, we had to pass a shitty suburban area with highways and then a huge military cemetery. We had changed to winter time the day before and night had fallen earlier. It was already dark and I had trouble remembering it wasn’t even 8pm. I felt like it was closer to midnight or something. During the whole trip I was really scared. I was very afraid my husband would get us into an accident.

8pm But then we arrived at the committee, met new but nice people, passionate for mycology, and I felt better. However, I was sure, being mycologists, that they could tell that I wasn’t in a normal state and that they would notice my still dilated pupils and understand that I had taken psylocibe mushrooms. They would probably judge me. But they did not. And they identified the mushrooms and gave us good pieces of advice. I wanted to come back next time already. And then we left.

8.30 pm I was going a lot better and wasn’t so worried anymore ! I felt yet again that I was coming back from another galaxy. I was becoming sober and feeling good. That night, I wanted to be reassured and we watched a movie from Woody Allen, a director which feels very familiar to me.

The next day I talked with great respect and awe about the teachers, I cried a lot out of emotion, joy, beauty, grace. I remembered being one with God and feeling “his” presence so vividly. I advised my husband to try psychedelics and told him mushrooms were one of the greatest experience to be had. I was moved to tears. I felt more attached to love and to life after this second trip. I felt Home.

This morning, driving to work after reading a chapter from the book Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, I felt some derealization and that I could see that this world was just a play of light and shadow, and illusion created by God in a big theater and that nothing of it was real. The only real thing is the Omniscient Spirit of the Beloved. I realized that I fear Death and that my ego is very very much attached to life, to some sort of human identity and to this whole illusion.

I thought that writing this would help me start integrating my experience before a 3rd time, better organized, better prepared. Oh, and I need to buy that very good scale with more decimals. Next time will be very well prepared and with a very very accurate mushroom dose. I don’t think my mind could take a big or an heroic dose though. I don’t think it could withstand the shock.

Exp Year: 2025	ExpID: 119333
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: Nov 14, 2025	Views: Not Supported
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Mushrooms - P. cubensis (66) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Entities / Beings (37), General (1)