DOSE:

220 - 230 mg

oral

MDMA

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

70 kg

This story will be about two school friends (me – for convenience, I'll call him A – and my old friend, whom I've known since childhood, I'll call him B. Other characters may appear, but their roles are minor). My friend and I are two Russian guys from very humble backgrounds. Average genetics, low social class. Nothing out of the ordinary. We spent a huge part of our childhood by the Black Sea. We love music and often introduce my friend to bands. For example, I really like Slowdive, Unwound, Flunk, Chapterhouse, Stereo Nova, Godspeed you! Black Emperor, Hooverphonic (the Fucking Band), and The Durutti Column.

Music takes up all my time. I've been immersed in it since childhood, and so it has a huge significance for me. As my musical taste developed, I also developed an interest in drugs. I became interested in studying various drugs and understanding their essence. Growing up, I was alone because I found it difficult and scary to socialize. I spent all my time on music and exercise, while my friend was successfully moving up in society, meeting new people and starting relationships with girls. Our families were dysfunctional. His mother was an alcoholic and had been in prison for drugs. My mother hated me throughout my childhood, constantly humiliating, comparing, and bullying me. She once admitted that because of me, she couldn't start a family because I was too young; to her, I was to blame for everything. She didn't need me.

One of my friends is now addicted to heroin. We support each other, rarely talking, but we know that no matter how much time passes, we'll always have heart-to-heart talks, just like before. I like to remember Jim Carroll's book "The Basketball Diaries." The first drug I tried was regular marijuana buds. I couldn't use it because I had no experience, and I forgot about it. The following times were spent in a minimal and strange relaxation. I listened to music and sometimes laughed. Then a friend and I tried Golden Teacher psilocybin mushrooms and didn't know how to feel about it. Later, I took LSD, and perhaps that was the final step toward the grave. I felt ill, recalling childhood feelings and the tears that arose from my mother's rejection. The following years were spent almost daily using hashish and marijuana.

I recalled my tears. In a psychedelic state, I saw images of myself crying, and months passed like that. I liked seeing myself as a little girl. Back then, I was truly mentally alive and loved this world. But, unfortunately, you have to return to reality, and you realize that this is the effect of the drug. I sometimes used heroin, falling asleep right on the streets of Sochi. The heroin was terrible quality, with impurities. The effect was terrible. Your head would explode from the pressure, but there was no pleasure. I liked microdosing LSD; it really helps me fall asleep. My friend and I didn't talk for about a year and a half, as he made a lot of new friends and was in various relationships with girls, while I sat at home, listening to music, and using drugs. I lived for music and drugs. I lived with my headphones on. I asked B out, but he always refused; he didn't care about me. I was okay with it, but I often felt sad and desperate, unable to spend time alone.

After a while, I bought MDMA crystals out of curiosity, and we had a wonderful time swimming in the sea, under the influence, and had heart-to-heart conversations for the first time after years of not being in touch. It was amazing. But my story isn't about that first MDMA experience, but about my second, when I bought brown crystals, the color of champagne.

The very first time, the MDMA effect kicked in after an hour and a half (one hour and thirty minutes), so we planned to walk to another beach and experience the high there. We took 220-230 mg, sprinkling the crystals in plain water. The taste was similar to the first time we took it, but perhaps more pronounced. We finished it and headed to the seaside. We walked through the very center of Sochi, and the first effects began to appear within 10 minutes. The sidewalk narrowed in width, and the colors became more contrasting. We were immediately surprised and scared, but it was interesting. When we reached one of the pedestrian crossings at a red light, we stood there and felt the warmth approaching. It was hot outside, but the warmth was different from the effect of the sun's rays in a sunny city. My friend chain-smoked cigarettes and sweated profusely. I only sweated.

20 minutes after taking it, we were already trying to find an entrance, driving through the center of Sochi. It's scary to remember that whole ordeal. We held hands and began rubbing our thumbs together, discussing the pleasant sensation in our mouths, specifically the uvula, which is attached to the roof of our mouth and wobbles. The friction of our fingers on our hands made the uvula euphoric. It felt like our new heart. It was an insanely pleasant sensation that brought on a great euphoria. I don't know how long we walked hand in hand. We were young guys walking along the road in the city center, people passing by and hundreds of cars driving by. I don't know how to feel about it. We were walking to a friend's house and still holding hands.

One day, B said abruptly, "No, not here, we might get into trouble," and pulled his hand away. We were unsteady and walking hard. That MDMA mess was slowly appearing. We were following a girl, and I felt like we were maniacs, and our mission was to kill her. Of course, we had no intention of doing so. Crossing the street in a quiet place, we hugged and occasionally held hands as we continued walking. My friend needed to get his swimming trunks from home, and then we wanted to go to the sea. Forty minutes had already passed. As we approached the house, we were swaying heavily and staggering, almost falling to the ground. The police suddenly appeared, walked past us, and didn't care how we felt.

We entered the building and struggled to insert the keys into the door lock. It seemed impossible. My vision was blurry and a fucking mess. FUCKING. B went to take a shower, and I went to his dad's room, lay down on the bed, put on my headphones, and turned on Ice Flowers by York feat. Angelina. I lay like a dead dog on B's dad's bed. I bent my arms and legs as if I were simultaneously shitting, cumming, and listening to a Slowdive album. The funny thing is, we both knew my dad was supposed to be home any minute, but we didn't care. I lay on the bed for about 60 seconds, and the flood of love terrified me. It was too much. I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom, punching my fists, calling for my friend to come quickly. He came out in his underwear and we lay down on his dad's bed, because B's younger sister was sleeping in room B.

We lay down on the bed and I turned on the aforementioned song. Then things went crazy. Each of us lay on our sides, holding each other's hands. At first, we listened to the music. We squeezed each other's hands with incredible force. It was the peak. A fucking peak. I moved almost right up to B and stuck my legs into his. It's indescribable. CRAZY. B confessed his love to me, and then I repeated the same action. This lasted for about 5 minutes and 59 seconds. Then I turned on Halou - I'll Carry You (Dear readers, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE listen to this song to understand what happens next). I started masturbating my friend's left nipple in a circle, completely unconsciously. We forgot everything. With my left index finger, I moved around my friend's nipple in circles. I don't know how long it lasted. At 4:12 - 4:40, my friend suddenly looked me in the eyes and began squeezing my hand from the incredible beauty of the female voice. From time to time, we lay with our eyes closed. Perhaps at that moment, I had a sudden mystical experience. I suddenly found myself in a cartoon/picture where I saw two puppies, one of which was me and the other was my friend. I sat on my front paws and wagged my tail, and he did the same. This took place in a room of insane beauty, unfamiliar to me; the beauty lay in the materials and design, and in how I perceived this picture. It was a child's room, as if the action took place at the end of Vincent Gallo's film Brown Bunny. A room of incredibly kind totalitarianism and childish naivety. I couldn't get out of this picture and I don't know how long I spent there. I suppose a few seconds. This mystical experience gave me an impossible contrast of childhood feelings that I still can't forget. Children's play. Puppies. We are two puppies playing with each other. That's exactly how I saw it. I forgot to mention, either before or after this cartoon, we were lying practically next to each other and suddenly started rubbing noses in a circle. We made circular motions with our noses. Rubbing noses in a circle. It was a game. A great psychedelic experience.

A feeling of paradise. It was ordinary paradise. Paradise and that's all. I said to my friend: "I want to show you a song," and turned on Hooverphonic - Eden. It's fucking crazy. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, dear readers, listen to Eden. A good song. I told my friend: "You are my eden." Describing the feelings, the emotions, unfortunately, is not possible. It's simply impossible. Based on the previous words and the sosok, Jim Carroll and Slowdive, please try to imagine these effects yourself. The most terrible thing is happening... I was falling asleep to "Eden" with my eyes closed, contemplating paisley from Pretty Green. A friend suddenly pushes me and I see his father standing there, silently looking at us. This is fucked. This is just fucked. Hooverphonic - Eden is playing, we are lying in bed and my father is silently looking at us. He left the room without a word and I ran out of the apartment.

I ran outside, stood at the entrance, leaning against the wall. I put on headphones and continued listening to Hooverphonic - Eden. Two seconds later, I felt the wind on my left shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw a woman who was looking at me angrily. I don’t know if it was psychosis, a hallucination, or what. I take off my headphones, Eden is playing at full volume and I nod my head, asking with a serious look, "What do you want?" She says to me, "A drug addict, there are fucking drug addicts here." I said I was waiting for a friend. Her face looked like she was on LSD. DEMON. JUST A DEMON. I got scared and ran away. She went into the entrance. When I took a step at the peak of MDMA, my whole picture turned upside down 180 degrees. It was insanely difficult to walk down the street. My friend didn't leave the apartment and I went to the nearest supermarket. I crossed the pedestrian crossing with great difficulty. I went into the store and immediately got lost, I didn't understand anything, I couldn't find water and found it by accident. At the entrance, there was an employee of the store and she looked at me with incredibly wide eyes and got scared, maybe. I heard the sounds repeated 8 times. Payment by card. Come to the checkout. I'm confused. From all across the street, I heard my friend screaming from his father beating him. I heard these screams and simultaneously realized it was just my imagination. My friend left the building and we went swimming in the sea.

I don't know how to feel about this. Please, readers of this story, I have a request for you. Do not use such substances in public places. It could end in a beating or being sent to the police station. Please control your use and create a plan for yourself where you are travelling. I believe I have autism spectrum disorder, and it greatly interferes with my life. I don't know if I'll kill myself or not, because I'm even afraid to get a job. I'd like to be loved and fall in love with a girl, just to live. These are impossible circumstances for me. Thank you all. Goodbye.

Exp Year: 2025	ExpID: 119382
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 3, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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MDMA (3) : Mystical Experiences (9), Music Discussion (22), Relationships (44), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)