DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 hit	smoked	DMT
T+ 0:45	2 hits	smoked	DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

285 lb

Sept 30th quick summary about 45min -1 hr after breakthrough.

Broke through tonight. All the way through. Way all the way. A 30 mg first trip, Followed 45 mins later with two 50mg hits. Go big or go home. I had no idea how big big could be. Everything I read about is true, but it's like comparing a postcard picture of the Grand Canyon to flying within and without it, no boundary between air or solid, color or form. I purged (died) and BECAME over and over and over 6-7 times. Each came and went in greater succession until I finally exploded into white light and the form of an arch-angel. The power and intensity was all consuming. It was exactly how I would imagine a mere mortal transforming into a GOD. An ultimate GOD. I BECAME. And was thrown down further and harder each time further than the last. With wide open arms. Diving IN. Now is the time. Time to DIE. Time to BECOME. NOW is the time. DIE. BECOME. The Death would come and I could feel myself convulse, sweat, my head thrashing, chuckling madly the entire time, and just when it was too much BOOM. BECOMING MORE. I (me) was no longer. I AM. Death and rebirth each more intense than the last. I was told that I was howling; I was hearing myself and God (next to me AND me) chuckling with each other's self while watching and experiencing it together.

The most incredible part was that of that power was somehow not for me, but from all, for me to envelop all with an intensely humbling manner. By the end, I saw the whole process of Death and Becoming feeding each other for their strength. The Becoming always outshined the Death, but was dependent on it for rebirth. I think that was why I(we) were chuckling. I do know one thing about it all. It was the most intense experience I have ever been through, and I was pleasantly amused throughout it all somehow. Tonight was a game changer. Not sure how it will all manifest, time will tell. It took a good 20-25 minutes before I even began to come back to the physical realm, and it was this warm homecoming. This is no party drug my friend. My first experiences were absolute child's play compared to tonight.

(2nd text 30-45 mins later)
I just thought it out some more, and it was not God, but some sort of spiritual companion (as you hear about). And the more I think about it, he was a mirror as well. Each time I BECAME, I eventually went back to being with my companion. Then the cycle would begin again. It would descend again into death and rebirth. Maybe the companion is actually just the mental bridge to, or manifestation of, my spiritual self. Some sort of and guide me to purge whatever it was I was purging. There was no real topic or thought or intention in any of them, just purging and becoming. Or not.

October 1st Detailed recap of experience:

Breakthrough:
When I broke through, it was as if I collapsed into myself in an instant and was immediately enveloped in color and light. Checkerboards within checkerboards, differing in colors, all having runes or symbols on them. The boards were moving and flowing in and out of me after first presenting themselves.

Before Death:
My guide was my teacher, my mirror, dressed in a grey cloak/robe on my right holding what I sensed to be a short fat stubby cigar in his left hand between his first and second fingers. He and I were amusedly chuckling through the space between my death and rebirth.

To the left of us I saw a slim figure standing in a doorway, dark with a deep red, bright outline, in him I could see outer space as well as human veinlike systems throughout. He was surrounded by medium sized eyes, about 100-200 of them, all looking at me with what seemed to be a clinical intent. There was deep, black space in the doorway behind the eyes.

Death:
I would then be thrown around and would experience this green, red, blue, and yellow boldly outlined shape above me before death, there were symbols in each of the squares. The shape itself was in a square with rounded corners diagonal form each other, and the other two corners were drawn out as points. More checkerboards. Runes, symbols, were everywhere. My guide telling me what to do. I was welcoming the terror, the death, and chuckling maniacally the entire time. Take me, I am. Once I let go each time, I would hear a tinny belching sound and I would thrash around and then I am hit GOD.

God Cycle:
It was not me becoming, rather it was GOD touching me with his light. When I saw God, it was like out of a movie, above more than in front of me, giant feather wings spread out with blinding golden white light behind it. It consumed me as if my chest was pulled straight up and filled with and exploding power. I was reborn, standing with God over Earth filled with an all-consuming power and understanding of my power and the desire to share it. God’s light. Whomever he is. There was and still is in my head a deep, slow chanting Hun-ah-Hyah, Hun-ah-Hyah. The entire image of God was overlaid with two concentric golden rings, some vague writing or symbols between the two. So much more than I was taught or felt. So much more than I could explain or comprehend. Now is the time, Now is the time. Now is the time to become. It is coming back. Break. I convulsed about 30 secs, mostly legs. Back at it after 3 min break. I was going to write more about what my guide was telling me, but I again began to feel the convulse come on, the Hun-a STOP.

Coming Down:
When I was coming down, it was a very slow process, very forced. I kept nodding back in, almost had a 7th death, but I brought myself out. I finally pulled myself out and when I came back down there was a warm yet, disinterested comfort in returning to the world. I first thought of Missy and the girls, the dogs, my family, everything.

I was VERY reluctant to go to bed last night. A was afraid to close my eyes. It is still in me right now, whatever I was left with. Not the power, but the conduit, and the humility (for now). I am being very, very careful in where I am letting my mind go right now, as I can feel myself slipping back there in a mortal sense, but almost like I’m about to become a beacon or I don’t fucking know.

Now (October 1st):
I have no desire, no wants, no needs. I just AM. I am still feeling the effects HEAVILY, but I don’t feel emotionally volatile at all. I am struggling with talking period today, and I am not sure I am ready to be out in the public yet. I keep getting aftershocks in my legs and shoulders. Not all the time, just now or whenever I think about last night or have any strong feelings of empathy.

I just went to proofread my paragraph on God and began to shake again, the chant is starting yet now. Even now I cannot think of or repeat the words spoken to me. He comes back. And I shake.

October 3rd:
I read a FB post =/- 2:55pm. He was “Gut punched”, probably news of his mom’s health which is poor. I began to feel for him and his mom and sort of “opened” myself. I felt everything rush back into me, like I opened a fire hydrant. I started to slowly shake and then more and more. I was finally shaking everywhere, and the chant began (later), along with a dull humming. Time to stop reading FB.

I stepped away, did a Bill and Ted WHOA, and smoked a bowl. I knew I had to write this out before I lost or confused it later. I’ve added a few notes on my struggles with writing this at the end. I can’t read the God part again. It keeps trying to pull me back in.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 119517
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 51
Published: Mar 12, 2026	Views: Not Supported
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DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), Hangover / Days After (46), General (1), Unknown Context (20)