Citation: Anonymous. "Died and Came Back: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (5x extract) (exp12225)". Erowid.org. Jun 14, 2007. erowid.org/exp/12225
This was the 5th time I had tried smoking salvia. 3 of my previous trips were pretty scary but no where near as horrible as this one. Nothing of this world can describe my terror. I will do the best I can to explain my trip in words. Previous trips had revealed to me another realm or dimension whatever you want to call it, but I had stepped halfway out of this world before but not totally. Every trip I went on I had the feeling they (as in the presences I felt) wanted me to join them and enjoy the time I had to spend with them. I was worthy to walk among them, but I was to afraid in all my previous attempts and this time I was determined to go all the way. What a mistake.
So I loaded in the rest that I had left which was considerably more than I had ever tried smoking before. I canít say how much it was but maybe about the size of a half-dollar spread out. So I torched it and took a full lung full of the smoke and held it. Repeated. Repeated. Then the coordination started to go. Itís always the first to go, in my opinion the body is weak and is first to go. So I safely fell to the floor and seated myself against the wall. At some point after this I left. I completely left this world. I donít think I knew it, but I had left then I felt a VERY STRONG presence beside me holding me almost showing me myself. This was when I freaked. I realized I wasnít their I wasnít in my house in my body in the bathroom. I was in some infinte nothingess existance.
The presence began to reveal to me the truth. The truth about how little I mattered. I compare it to the matrix when neo finds out he has been living in a dream world and that EVERY THING HE EXPIERENCED ALL HIS LIFE NEVER EVEN HAPPENED. It was devastating. I could not handle this truth. I FOUGHT WITH ALL MY MIGHT TO LEAVE. I felt as if the presence was trying to hold me their to calm me to show me its alright and that I had no reason to fear it, but I could not take it, I could not comprehend it. I WAS NOT READY TO BE SHOWN THIS, in spite of however ready that or those beings thought I was. This greatly reminds me of a time in my life when I was tested. I cannot explain the test, but I failed it and have once again failed. I fought DESPERATELY TO GET BACK and I started saying aloud (or so I think so) NO, this is the bathroom. Iím on the floor. Their is the toilet, their is the drain cleaner.
At this point I had the most INTENSE deja vu I have ever had in my entire life. It scares me shitless to think of it now. After I had this deja vu I regained control of my body and immediately stood up and left the bathroom. I ran straight to the living room and began to say aloud this is the basement, their is your computer, their is your table, their is your bed. At this point Iím sure I was talking aloud whether or not I would have made sense or not I donít know but sound was emmiting from my mouth. Also my vision was distorted to the point I viewed my bed as being a few inches from my face and on the wall when in reality it was 5-6 feet away on the floor. Then I began to run up the stairs to go upstairs to reaffirm my existance and that I was on this earth in my house. Luckily at this point I stopped and realized I was freaking and then went and laid down. I didn't have a sitter to protect me from doing something stupid once I got upstairs or falling down them. This is where it pretty much ended.
My take is Salvia took me from this world. It socked me right in the face and knocked me into another relm without me even knowing it. I am positive I left and was showed something I am not ready to see. I think they might call this ego death or some shit. To me I died. I died and was not ready despite how much the beings in the otherworld felt I was. I was shown something I was not ready to see. What I saw COMPLETELY SHATTERED my past, present, and future existance as I viewed it and was viewing it. Everything I knew was a lie. Everything I knew to be true was diced up cut into tiny peices and shown to me and I could not take it, freaked, and desperately fought to get back to this world. I died, was not ready, and desperately wanted to come back.
Now whether or not any of this spiritual crap is true I donít know Iím sure science one day will be able to completely make sense of all that happened. One could say salvia disrupts brain communication to the point the brain can no longer interpret any signals from any senses, but what ever realy happened their is a lesson to be learned here. Don't matter if it was spirits or brain malfunction the expierence taught me something and showed me deep parts of my life in a new light I had not previously viewed them in before. So if their is one thing good about the most horrible expierence in all my life its that I've come out a little bit wiser than before and for that I am thankful and I hope one day I will be ready to see the truth and accept it with open arms and not fear.
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