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Ruined My Life Forever
Crack
by Kim
Citation:   Kim. "Ruined My Life Forever: An Experience with Crack (exp12500)". Erowid.org. May 8, 2002. erowid.org/exp/12500

 
DOSE:
  smoked Crack

BODY WEIGHT: 160 lb


Smoking crack unfortunately, has ruined my life in many different aspects. One and most importantly, is that I can't ever stop my mind from thinking about it. Sure, people think it's such a great high like snorting coke and I must agree, it is. I loved it so much that I was smoking up to $2000 a day, which was only divided 3 ways. Every waking moment, I had that pipe to my mouth. My entire body, inside and out became numb, tingley, eyes got as wide as quarters, and every second I was jumping up looking out the blinds as discretely as possible. I was completely paranoid, thinking people were coming after me and I couldn't get away.

Sure, the high was wonderful for about 3 minutes, but the paranoi I could have done away with if I had a choice. I lost 50 pounds from not eating anything and was always awake for days and days on end. I looked terrible. Black underneath my eyes, puffiness everywhere from lack of sleep, and getting sickly thin from not eating. But speaking as a true addict, I could never get enough. That numb feeling took away all my worries, problems, and just overall made me feel damn good. But little did I know, I was only creating many more problems for myself in the long run. Problems that won't go away.

Maybe the most awful outcome of smoking crack was that in order to feed our habit and get high all the time, we began stealing. We did everything and anything to get money for crack that it costed us jail time. That's when I finally realized what I was not only doing to me, my body, and my family, but also to others. Everyday I think about all the days I didn't sleep, didn't eat, and didn't care about anything but hitting that pipe. There were days that I stayed up smoking crack for 4 and 5 days straight. Talk about being wore out! Physically, but certainly not mentally.

My mind was constantly working, thinking of ways I can get more crack. Sitting back and getting so depressed and pissed off because we couldn't find a way to get more. However, 9 times out of 10 we got more. And more and more until it added up to be hundreds and thousands of dollars we were smoking up. Just imagine what we could have done with that money. It even got to the point to where I was hallucinating. I was standing in the kitchen home alone and I was just coming down from my high. All I could think about was my friends coming back with another 8 ball. When I looked directly ahead of me, which was down the hall, I saw my friend. It looked as if he was standing in the hallway looking at me, and when I saw him, he turned and walked away. I called and called his name and even walked after him. To my realization, no one was there. I was so freaked out of my mind because I didn't know what the hell was going on with me. Finally when they did get back and I told them, it was as if no one cared; including myself. Who would care when you have $160 dollars worth of crack staring you in the face, calling out to you... telling you to get the pipe ready.

Unfortunately, I have to face every waking moment of my life knowing that I am an addict. It has been 2 months since I've smoked any crack or any drug for that matter, and the fight is getting harder by the day. Fighting this craving that feels so overwhelming, ready to take you under at any moment is the worse feeling anyone could ever have. For 4 years of my life, I was smoking crack, snorting coke, and smoking weed. But NEVER did I think I would become addicted. It started out as 'I only want to try it' but soon developed into an addiction. And it's not just me-crack is such a powerful drug that it can take over anyone.

So if you're thinking of 'trying' it, don't. It's not worth the everlasting fight that you will have inside the rest of your life. Everyone thinks it can't happen to them, but just look at me. I had that same attitude, and I became an addict of one of the worse drugs around. Most people call it the devil's drug because after the first hit, it's got you. And even when you're clean and sober, it's still calling for you, day in and day out. I'm writing this in hopes that people will read this and not get into the same situation as myself. It's not worth the damage you do to your body, mind, and soul. You become someone you thought you'd never be- deceitful, manipulating, and careless to everyone and everything around you. As long as you got the next hit, that's all that matters when you smoke crack. What's more exciting- living to see tomorrow or living as a crack head... think about it.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 12500
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: May 8, 2002Views: 14,283
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Crack (82) : Not Applicable (38), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
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