Citation: Noman. "Eternal Fullfilment: An Experience with Cannabis, MDMA, Nitrous Oxide (exp13280)". Erowid.org. Jun 30, 2005. erowid.org/exp/13280
The shorthand summary of this experience, as described to friends over the years, is this, 'If I could take all the best experiences of my life, the best sex, the best drugs, the best moments of achievement, success, acknowledgement and approval, the funniest of times and the most creative and insightful moments, and was able to somehow combine all those experiences into a single quantity and then somehow attach that quantity to a rheostat (or dimmer switch/dial) such that I could turn the experience up and amplify it, and then I kept spinning that dial up and up and up and kept spinning it more and more, up, up, up....well, it wouldn't even come close to the experience that I first had in the early morning hours of November 4, 1999.' Not even close.
I had tried ecstasy for the first time at a Halloween party thrown by friends a few evenings earlier. Nice (of course) but nothing to write home the folks about. However, I had another tablet that I hadn't taken and I decided to take it at home by myself to monitor its effects more closely. I had spent many years in intensive meditation practices (though at the time of this experience I was not a regular meditator), and I had spent months at a time in daily meditation extending 6-12 hours a day or more so I was used to myself and different interior experiences.
I started the evening with cannabis, maybe 3-4 bowls, and ingested a single tablet of MDMA of unknown dosage. The onset preceded normally and as the MDMA was beginning to peak I began inhaling nitrous using 3 cartridges per balloon. It is my standard practice (at least at the beginning) to hyperventilate before I take the nitrous. The idea is to flush the CO2 from the system and increase the O2 concentration both in the body and in the transferred gases in the lungs. I then exhale a lungful of (presumably) oxygen-rich(er) air into the balloon that has the nitrous already in it. Then when I inhale from the balloon I also have some oxygen along with the nitrous and less worry about any hypoxia (oxygen starvation). It seems to work fine for me.
I have read of other's experiences with nitrous oxide and agree with many of their reports that the ability of nitrous oxide to potentiate the effects of psychedelics is profound. Such was/is my experience as well. It can't be described though it's clarity is such that everything else seems dim in comparison. In this particular experience, feelings of elation, deepest love and affection for everyone and everything, understanding the poignancy of the human condition (and all our petty differences), loving acceptance and the humorous appreciation for this wonderful cosmic joke we play on ourselves -- all this filled me and expanded within me beyond anything I could compare it to. It filled the universe with Joy. And Bliss -- I finally understood what that word meant. And Knowledge. Real Knowledge. The wonderful, inescapable truth of how each and every person, thing, thought, and idea related to and was part of each and every other. And the Knowledge that there was no Other - only the One. And That we Are, and That I Am and whoa, boy, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
The realization knocked me to my knees in gratitude and something like spontaneous prayer to the Us for giving Us this gift of experience. I was aware that there is no time only the one and perfect Now. And yet I could run through the concept of time, past, present and future and choose to experience any particular item of interest (and still realize how it was connected to every other thing in a complete, beautiful, glowing whole. This was not experienced like anything else, it was/is who I am. It has profoundly altered my life. The experience in its fullest intensity lasted perhaps 2 hours. The trail seemed to last for several days.
I've repeated this experience many times and it's validity has never dimmed. I've turned several others on to this combination but only one other person has had the same or similar depth or clarity of experience (though no one, certainly, has complained). Perhaps years in meditation is a good preparation but the one other person I know of who had the same level of experience had no training or background in meditation or 'spiritual' practices whatsoever.
I would recommend this to anyone with a spiritual bent in an atmosphere and setting conducive to this type of experience.
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