Citation: Not Me...No!. "Are They Really There?: An Experience with LSD (exp14114)". Erowid.org. Jan 6, 2019. erowid.org/exp/14114
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I was 22. Had just moved in with my boyfriend into a building that was being gentrified from a former crack house to the standard yuppie apartments (we had bullet holes in one window). As the renovations were ongoing for our time there it was rarely quiet and often workers walked in and out of our residence unannounced. But the day previous they stated they all had Sunday off, so that was when we decided to do our acid.
Unfortunately my mind set was much as it is now and always has been. Depressed, anxious, paranoid, and pessimistic. I try to keep all that at bay and enjoy my life, but its difficult. So that Sunday morning with a freshly neat and cleaned apartment my boyfriend gave me two and half little pieces of paper. I put them in my mouth and left them for half an hour. He did the same.
At first it was nice. It was sunny out. A warm late spring day in the midwest. Sun was streaming through the windows. I was with the man I loved and would eventually marry. I felt nice and cozy. The cat was on my lap purring. Just laying there purring. I wasn't even petting her. We decided to paint. Make some music. Draw some. Just do as we pleased.
I honestly have no recollection of how it happened, but I found myself naked as the day as I was born and just laying on our bed. I was perfectly content to stare at the textures of the ceiling. Then someone knocked on the door. It seemed impossibly loud. My boyfriend hurriedly put his pants back and on and went to the door. The workers decided to try and get some time and a half pay. They were working Sunday.
I heard all this while cowering naked in the closet and desperately clutching my confused cat for comfort. My man came back and tried to calm me down. It did not work.
We returned to the bed (I had replaced my clothing), the cat sticking by my side for some reason, and tried to again find the calm comfy place we were. I couldn't find it. I could hear everything at once. Screaming children, running faucets, footsteps, conversations, the pipes being worked on downstairs and it all came from everywhere and nowhere. It was horrible. I started to cry. I thought of the sharks sticker in the bathroom, the bullet holes in the window, the phantom image of a toddler running by it I had experienced much earlier and while not all drug impaired. I decided then that he had been shot to death and cried even harder.
The cat nuzzled my face and emitted a worried little meow in my direction. This for some reason struck me as hilarious. I then proceeded to laugh hysterically for approximately 15 minutes.
At the site of my mate's worried face I then flipped into sobbing mode for a few minutes. Eventually the groaning, whining, screeching, and banging caused from the plumbing work below began to disturb him as well. It sounded like it was in our bathroom. The footsteps seemed to be in our hall. We looked but no one was there.
We relocated ourselves to the front room and sat in front of the big windows and just basked in the sun for awhile. I was feeling pretty good. Then I heard a woman scream. Heard a kid being smacked. Heard a baby cry. I looked out and saw the beautiful tall old trees, taller than our building, and thought of all the horrible human mess below. I then proceeded to cry non-step for more than half an hour.
We tried listening to music. It sounded like the musician was standing next to me, singing the words directly into my ear. I could not stand the sensation. We shut it off.
Somehow I gave in to my man's request for sexual intercourse. I found myself naked on the bed again. I felt like I was going to sink into the mattress like someone sinks into quicksand and I assumed I would be suffocated. It took an intense effort to keep myself sane enough to recongnize the fear as completely insane. Then he was doing what guy's do and I was enduring it. I usually love it. I felt like my limbs were shrinking. Like rapidly deflating balloons and that my skull was collapsing. I thought he was going to meld with me like two plastic pieces being melted and stuck together forever.
I felt like my limbs were shrinking. Like rapidly deflating balloons and that my skull was collapsing. I thought he was going to meld with me like two plastic pieces being melted and stuck together forever.
We'd be like siamese twins conected at the genitals. I focused on staying calm. I heard footsteps, but disregarded them. I heard a man laugh. A man say, 'There indisposed.' Then a door close. I still do not know whether or not a worker walked in and witnessed or drugged copulation or if it was a hallucination.
For the remainder of the trip we retreated to a newly empty room of the house. My man's schizo brother had moved back in with his mommy and taken his stuff with him. The large empty minimalist space soothed my mind and my racing heart. We sat on the floor and just stared at each other. Waiting out the unpleasantness. We seemed to read each other's mind. I leaned on the window while he went to use the toilet and was horrified at how I actually did want to do the cliche. I felt my body wanting to toss itself out the window and I fought with my hands to not open it and help me through. It was no death wish. There was a crack dealer standing below. It ocurred to me that it would be hilarious for a drugged chick to land on him and smash him.
Fianlly, after 9 horrible hours the trip ended. I had never felt my depression, paranoia, and anxiety at a more intense level than when I was on LSD. I'm 26 now and still have never taken it again. And I never will.
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