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Time Passes Through My Beating Heart
Amphetamines (Adderall), Paroxetine (Paxil) & Cannabis
by cognition
Citation:   cognition. "Time Passes Through My Beating Heart: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall), Paroxetine (Paxil) & Cannabis (exp14371)". Erowid.org. Dec 5, 2003. erowid.org/exp/14371

 
DOSE:
30 mg oral Amphetamines (pill / tablet)
  20 mg oral Pharms - Paroxetine (pill / tablet)
    smoked Cannabis  

BODY WEIGHT: 145 lb


Something has been taken over and I cannot feel. My face is numb and my tongue explains a sensation of a million stakes splitting it in thirds. Every thing seems to start with this pain yet it does not hurt. Contradiction is a big part of this account yet I am not using it as a poetic tool. After I seem to slip, my mind has a Pseudo-Lapse times to melt as I sit still in a arm chair. I try to calm but the overcoming fear has set in once again.

My face becomes numb and my earsdrums seem to be sedated and the ears them selves filled with paste. I try to make myself yawn like you do when you come down with a cold and stay home from work. Unlike those other times the pressure built up in them stays. I have no idea what is going on and I stand up. I walk to the kitchen to descend into the basement but when I hit the first step a feeling rips through me I cannot explain. I see a friend in a black Polaroid comment 'You are going to die, you are having a heart attack...' My heart slowly starts to accelerate like 2 turbo charged cars at a stop light starting up for a race. 140, 150, 160, 170 then 180 could have been more but I was too confused to continue. I can hear someone calling me and a crazy idea came to me... Am I in a coma? Maybe this is all fake. I try and scream out to tell them Iím alright but nothing comes of this.

I come over this stupid idea and try to smile. I succeed but my heart is racing so fast that my eyes are shaking and I can see my tshirt moving up and down with every beat. I sit down again and try to remain calm but it still beats over and over. The walk downstairs was totally forgotten, I recall the whole experience but it seems so animated like a comic book. I do not feel in control and I feel like some astral spirit is gripping me. I can feel an almost electric pulse of my heart going in my chest. I am convinced there is a true form of electricity pulsing from my heart knowing that is how they revive a stopped heart. I decide to go eat an orange it seems to maybe help some I was moon leaping on grey carpet traveling through loopholes in time. I am not sure what happened and what is happening I could be minutes ahead of my self or I could be seconds behind.
I could feel something coming up my throat but it didnít hurt. It was more of a negative feeling. I had a small burp and it persisted.

What is going on, I am sick of being in this madness my heart will not stop its tantrum I will not shut up. I express my worries aloud but no one listens. All this has come off of a small bit of reg's and prescriptions I am authorized to take. It happens every time I smoke. I do not get 'high' I only become attacked by this force. It is not cool like some of you might think. It is not a bad trip it is just madness. I feel my heart beating in my hollow chest like I will never see the light again. It feels like my heart is in a cavity with nothing around it. I am my heart my brain and the rest of my body is detached... I am beating at 180 beats per minute will I explode. Time skips by and it is not enjoyable I feel like I am not in control. It is not formable or moldable I can not enjoy or create I am just floating in and out of myself.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 14371
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Dec 5, 2003Views: 19,523
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Amphetamines (6), Pharms - Paroxetine (148), Cannabis (1) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)

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