Citation: RudeGrrl. "Be Warned: An Experience with Heroin (exp15353)". Erowid.org. Jun 14, 2002. erowid.org/exp/15353
||(powder / crystals)
I don't want this to sound like another 'Heroin is bad' story and in no way am i promoting OR discouraging anyone from trying any drug. But be warned.
First of all, i'm 18 years old, white female, living in a pretty conservative suburb. This town is mostly filled w/ people who are very religious, very self righteous, and clean-cut, but me and my 5 junk friends were never reluctant to admit what drugs we did. If anyone found out, who the fuck cares.... Until we tried smack. We've tried every drug pretty much before coming across heroin. One afternoon i was looking for some bud and my friend said he could get some smack.
I did heroin (snorted it) for the first time that night. Shit.... i never knew it hit you so fast. I felt like i could do anything and i didn't care about any of my problems. I felt so good - I had my 5 best friends w/ me, one of them my crush who finally asked me out the day before. Everything made sense and things were great. I was smacked out for 5 hours. All of us loved it. We kept doing it. More and more. I had a 3 day rule about doing drugs, but i blew that off pretty quickly. As soon as we ran out we'd get more. We'd do this for 6 months. By the end of the 4th month, i was shit-broke and started stealing from my parents and friends. Mostly, I'd jack people at school. Rich fucking suburban kids always had money.
By that time, my junk buddies rarely showed up to school and when they did, I kinda wished they'd stay home b/c they'd be so fucked up and I became paranoid that people would know --> I <-- did heroin. I mean, shit, what kind of a lowlife does heroin? I always thought that I would have to be the world's biggest asshole to get addicted to smack.... We'd do lines in the bathroom between classes. Sometimes in class. We had alot of security at my school and it would be funny when they stopped me in the hall, right after I'd do some, i'd bullshit my way out of trouble. And they'd have no clue.
I got off on pulling it off. It felt great. Defy. Then all this shit began wearing me out and I felt (mostly emotionally) sick even when i did have smack. I felt like my insides were all rotten. I felt like my body was deteriorating and decaying. I felt so dirty and diseased. I knew i had to get clean, but the withdrawals were unbearable. I snapped out of it when I almost OD'ed.
In no time we decided we should shoot it to experience the best high and we'd use LESS to get MORE fucked up. The 1st time... wow.... we felt like Gods. The 1st time we injected, I shot everyone up b/c I knew how to do it, but I didn't like doing it b/c I truly felt like I ws bringing them one step closer to death. I felt guilty, so we got someone else help us. The person who was supposed to shoot us up kept fucking up. She'd repeatedly miss one of my friends veins and just keeep poking it over and over. She (unintentionally) skin popped my other friend and poked thru my boyfriend's vein, losing the hit.
Seeing all the abuse my friends were putting up w/ i shot myself up. As it turns out, the shit that i shot was uncut, unlike our other shit. I nodded off and passed out right away. I woke up feeling unfuckingbelievably sick in my boyfriend's bed alone. Later I found out he was off w/ our 'friends' doing that shit. I broke down and cried for what seemed like hours. I realized they didn't give a flying fuck about me, even though we've been thru everything together, all thru h.s.
I felt so cheated. I decided to get my shit together and get clean. I'd go thru 4 relapses and one more OD, but I got clean w/in 2 months. Now it's summer. I was the only one from our group to graduate last week. I felt like we all should've been there, like before. Now, one of us is in jail, one in rehab, and 2 still doing it. Me and my now ex-boyfriend drifted apart at the peak of our use. I felt like he dicked our relationship b/c he'd repeatedly choose smack over me.
Be warned. Heroin fucks you over. It's a bitch to stay clean. I fight it every single fuckin' day. Now I have to live w/ the fact that no matter what life brings, no matter how good I have it, I'll NEVER feel as good as I felt that 1st time shooting up.
Because when the smack begins to flow I really don't care anymore - Velvet Underground
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