Citation: powder. "It's Not That Bad, Is It?: An Experience with Cocaine (exp15984)". Erowid.org. Jan 6, 2020. erowid.org/exp/15984
||(powder / crystals)
'drugs are bad' That's what my parents told me. Just like many others I still managed to have many experiences with acid, shrooms, and smoke weed on and off. Never did E. But I also never never did coke or heroin. Those were the two drugs I thought were the most horrible things in the world. I never wanted to have anything to do with them, and I looked down on the people who used it. I was so naive I didn't even know the difference between coke and heroin.
Recently my fiance (who I live with) lost his job and started selling coke to make money for our rent. I hated him for doing it. I became depressed one night when he left me home alone to sell. Curious, I looked through his stash. I opened up the little $20 baggie and could smell the coke. Pissed off, angry and depressed I dumped it out on the glass table and stared at it for a while. I made two lines, broke apart a pen to snort it up, and scared to do too much (since I was obviously unexperienced) took about half an hour to snort it all up. I felt awesome. I looked in the mirror and saw my dilated eyes and smiled at myself. I walked around the apt really really fast and didn't really know why I was walking around. I had so much energy all of a sudden. I danced to some house music by myself. I wasn't so angry or depressed anymore. I was extremely happy. And I was extremely horny. I had fun masturbating with an awesome orgasm :-) I think I was high for about an hour maybe a little more since this was my first time and I had no tolerance. I took an awesome shower and felt so calm and relaxed. I laid down on bed and felt so drained and tired. My head felt heavy. Other downsides while I was still high was the dripping in the back of the throat and I felt a little nautious but was able to shake it off. Other than that I found it a very pleasurable experience. My fiance came home and saw me laying on the bed. We talked and he suspected nothing.
Now it's 12:04 am and he's out getting more to sell. I can't wait till he comes home and goes to sleep so I can have more. I fear I've become the thing I hated since I was old enough to think. Which is why I visited harm reduction websites to do some research. I'm fighting my urge to do more...but it's not easy when he's going to come home with some soon.
I can't give a lot of advice since I've only tried it once but I will say that it only took ONE TIME to get me (the person who knew nothing about coke and hated the thought of it) to want it more and more. And the longer I wait, the more I want it. I always thought myself a strong person when it came to drugs. I never got addicted to weed, acid, geltabs, shrooms, cigarettes, alcohol...nothing. But I fear I'm hooked on COKE after only one try. Everytime I get the urge I tell myself, eh, it's not that bad. I've only done it once. But then my brain kicks in and says yeah, you've only done it once and already you're having cravings.
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