DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Crack

(freebase)

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Famous words, 'it'll never happen again'. God , I think that is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. Last time I used crack, I hung myself in my garage & almost died. You think that would be a big enough life lesson for someone right? Not an addict though. We tend to forget how bad things actually get when we get high.

I've been working for a major tv provider for almost 2 years now & things have been great. I got all my debts from my using days paid off, got the respect back from my family & also regained their trust. Then one night the monkey started talking again. Why did I have to listen to that S.O.B.

I had had one of those days where nothing ever goes right. I had been screamed at by customers, my supervisor & there was a confrontation with a co worker. When the day was over I left the building & got into my car. I turned on the radio & what was playing but Eric Clapton 'Cocaine'. That was it my mind was racing faster than a train. I was now on a mission to get high & leave the day behind me.

I made a few phone calls to people I know who use or deal & set up the transaction. I was shaking the entire time. I'm not sure if it was anticipation or fear. I went to the bank & tried to decide how much to pull out because with the way I was feeling I wanted to just leave my mind out of myself for the evening. So I headed for my friendly dealer with 150 bucks. Oh was I dreaming of hitting the pipe & feeling that first bump.

I got my bag & was invited to sit & do a hit before I left. Now the guy I get from usually has people hanging around & crackheads are like leeches when someone has some rock. I do my biz out of sight to prevent the moochers from thinking they are getting any of my shit. I said no & was on my merry little way.

I got home & even before doing the first hit the paranoia set in. I was looking out the windows worrying about who was watching. I finally settled down with my baggie , pipe & torch & blasted off. The first hit is always the best. I went completely numb , feeling the tingling in my head. (my boyfriend calls this 'a bellringer' or 'dinging').

By the time I ran out of crack I was shaking & seating so bad. I looked at the clock & realized I had to be back at work in 2 hours. I can't believe I went back on my word to myself & my family again. I felt like true low life. Like I let everyone down that I know.

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 16524
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 15, 2019	Views: 1,529
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Crack (82) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Unknown Context (20)