Citation: Totally Screwed. "Badderall: An Experience with Amphetamines (Adderall), Caffeine & Paroxetine (Paxil) (exp17589)". Erowid.org. Mar 18, 2006. erowid.org/exp/17589
Here is a report of a really bad night I had involving Adderall. I had read alot about it, and had the oppertunity to get it, a friend giving me 7 of his 5mg pills, 35mg total. I was in a good mindset kind off, but recently dropping from 7.5 to 5 mg of paxil I wasn't feeling too well, but was too depressed being sober, and the Adderall was all I could get my hands on, so decided to go and do it.
A little background information. I've done weed, coke, dxm, extacy, nitrous, and various other huffers, most of the time without problems(excluding cocain, but thats a different story) I have generalized anxiety disorder, and clinical depression, as well as a panic disorder and ocd. I know what your saying, why you doing all these drugs, and I honestly don't know... What is important to notice here is that from taking paxil I had developed a medical condition called Acid Reflux Disease... a condition where I get ALOT of gas, and I have to avoid things that cause excess acid in the stomach, things like Grapefruit, orange juice, pepermint, and most importantly in this post, Caffien.
I get the Adderall at about 6:30, and decide to wait alil bit, just eating a chicken dinner at 5:30 and wanting to give my stomach a rest... (I have a huge phobia of vomiting) so at about 7:00 I pop two of them(10 mg) allowing my anxiety to take control taking a small amount just to see if I would have a bad reaction. 20 minuntes later I had some chest pains, but decided it was from the paxil withdrawl, and wasn't bad enough for me to call it quits, so I took another 5 mg(15 mg total), another 10 minutes pass, and the chest pain is still there, the anxiety getting the better of me I hold off on the next pill for another five minutes when I took another one(20 mg total) by then I just said screw it, I've let my anxiety ruin many a trips before spacing out the doses too much, so another 5 minutes I took another one(25 mg) 5 minutes later I take another one(30 mg) and about 10 minuntes later I snort the last one(35 mg) It had taken me an entire hour, but I had finally taken all 35 mg of the Adderall, and by then had started to feel the beginning effects.
The time past, and I became more and more hyper, but without a body high or euphoria, I was disapointed and realized that by spacing out the dosages I had lost my chance to have a body high, and feel as good as all these people have been reported to feel. I realized I was going to crash down, and not even experience the high that I wanted to, so being hyper and not in my right mind, I decide that I should try some Caffien, fully aware of my acid reflux disease and that it might make my stomach twist in knotts, I didn't care, I didn't want to waste this high, and from reading found out that Caffien can make the high better and last longer. (big mistake!)
So I go downstairs, and get a bottle of vanella coke, and a cup go bak up to my room, and start chugging. By the time I had finished the soda (approximatly +1:30 I started taking it, and +2:00 I finished) I was very hyper, and in a chat room on yahoo. I still had no euphoria and no body high still and was disapointed, and from chatting the people in there had told me that soda didn't have an awful much of caffien in it. Even tho I had already started to get hints of nausia, I made another HUGE mistake.
Walking down into the kitchen I found a sack of coffee beans in the fridge, I take out another bottle of soda open it, put my hands into the bag, grab a handfull of the beans and plop them in my mouth, then take a chug of the soda and swish the beans around for a bit and swallow... I then repeated this procedure 2 times. BY now I was already pretty nautious and doing this made me gag quite voilently, and ended up spitting out half of the last mouthful because I couldn't get it down. (This was approximatly +2:30 after originally starting)
I went back up in my room and sat down, and within 10 or 20 minutes(I really didn't know I had gotten some wierd time dialation, one minute time would go very slow, and the next it would go fast.) I was bouncing off the walls. Singing songs on my computer, dancing while sitting on my chair and just typing up a storm in the chat room. I still didn't have a body high, just a few tingling body parts, but I did definatly have a euphoria. I danced around my room and was so full of energy, I went downstairs and annoyed my brother, talking a mile a minute, I was having such a good time I didn't even notice the nausia creeping up on me.
About an hour or so later (+4:00) I felt my hyperness starting to go down... and my nausia starting to get worse. I still felt pretty good, and was able to ignore the nauisa pretty good, and just became very mellow. Within a half hour I was no longer hyper, but still felt very good and mellow, just sittin and listening to music, and still had a bit of the euphoria. That lasted another 20 minutes, and then the effects dramatically decreased.
By +5:00 the adderall/caffien combo had stopped working, and my nausia was now hitting me full on. I figured it was just the horrible come down I had read about, so I didn't read much into it, plus my brain was kind of scrambles, so I didn't put much thought into it, the nausia and dry mouth crept up on me with a vengance, ,and I had some wierd tingling throughtout my body which wasn't that bad, and I had the same chest pains that I always have, and have come to live with since I decided to withdrawl from paxil.
As the time past +5:20, +5:45, +6:00 and the things just seemed to get worse my good old anxiety started to creep up on me. The only thing that really bothered me was my intense nausia, horrible gas, and dry mouth from hell. I had some other effects, like brain tingle, and dizziness if I stood up too fast, but nothing I couldn't handle... it was the nausia and drymouth that was driving me crazy, like I said I had a very bad phobia of vomiting, and things just seemed to be getting worse, not better.
Another hour past +7:00, and I had been feeling these after effects for 2 hours, when I think they are about to go away and I start to feel a little better, another wave would hit me, stronger and harder. By +7:30 I was thinking clearly enough to realize that taking all that Caffien was a VERY bad idea, but still, decided to wait it out. I tried to sleep many times, with great failer, not just do to the Adderall still making me feel wide awake, but whenever I would lay down, it would feel as if I were about to puke, I couldn't swallow, and I had to sit up and burp and take a sip of water. This goed on for quite some time, when I just gave up and went back into the chatrooms seeking help.
It was now +8:00 (+3:00 since I started feeling like crap) and I was getting worried now, people in the chatroom said it was normal to last this long, but were surprised at the amount that I took. Once I mentioned the Caffien and acid reflux disease they figured that was it, but didn't offer me any help. After a half hour of trying to get help, and still feeling horrible I decided to try and get some sleep again, hoping against hope. No such luck.
After laying in bed for an hour just making it feel worse, I just got up. Now it was +9:00(4:00 since I started feeling like crap) and I felt no relief in sight. The nausia and dry throat were as strong as ever, and to top that off now my entire body would feel weak, and my extremidies would start to tingle. I got panicky. I tried to sit down with my brother, but was too nervous about puking down there and getting yelled at so I eventually went back into the chat room. After being ignored for awhile, I decideed to try and go to sleep again! I was feeling a little better and hoped that I could. But the wide awake effect was still there and after laying there for 40 minutes I realized I was not going to sleep any time soon.
It was now +10:00(5:00 since I started feeling like crap) and I realized the after effects lasted longer then the actual high! I was very nervous and panicky, especially once I started talking to a guy who offered help by telling me to 'go to the er right away' I explained my situation to him, that the chest pains were most likley from my paxil withdrawl, ,and the only thing really bothering me was the nausia and dry mouth. After I told him about what I had done with the Caffien and my medical condition, he instantly told me that I needed to eat some bread, to absorb all the acid that the Caffien had made. I was very very nautious and nervous to eat, for fear of throwing up, but after long talks with a friend and the guy giving me advice and considering my options at around 5:30 (+10:30) I found some bread and choked a piece down, which I must say was quite hard due to the extremly dry mouth. It took me ten minutes just to choke down the bread, and while I was eating it it made me feel alot worse, I was nervous of throwing up and stopped eating it, deciding to wait to see if it would help or make it worse.
By 6:00am (+11:00) My nausia had gotten worse, and I actually couldn't tell if it was nausia or hunger since I hadn't eaten in 12 hours now. Or it could have been both. I decided not to eat anything big, and started on the second piece of breat around 6:10... taking my sweet time. Its now almost 7 am(+12:00...+7:00 since I first started feeling like shit) and I must say I'm not feeling so good. Im about half way through my second piece of bread, and feeling very very wierd. The nausia seems to be going away, and replaced by a cloudy foggness. My hands and feet and brain are tingling, and im pretty dizzy, and am getting alot of sound distortions, one second everything is loud, and the next its low. I'm also zoning out often, even as I type this. Its hard to explain but it sort of feels like my brain has shut down.. I'm pretty sure that it is because I have now been up for 25 hours strait without sleep... and figure the after effects of the Adderall had all but vanished. Although I do feel pretty tired, I still do feel a bit alert, and I still have the nausia... I'm trying desperatly to choke down this 2nd piece of bread, hoping that it will help my nausia and I can finally get some sleep.
A friend told me to sip on an ensure, that something with calories and substance might help, but another person told me that ensure might make it worse because its too heavy, so I dont know what to do... I decided to just sip on it.I usually chug it, but the way I'm feeling now I don't think I'd be able to keep it down... after 5 sips or so, my stomach started feeling really cold, and the nautiousness got worse... I started to get worried again, and realized I was sweating. I put on the fan hopeing that it would snap me out of my trance and decide to wait a bit before I start sipping some more. Within minutes the nausia has multiplied by 3, back to the same old horrible feeling I have had all night, and the dry mouth had come back. I started to feel anxious, that the guy who told me that the ensure would just make me vomit was right... and started nibbling on my last piece of bread to hopefully counter act the ensure.
I begin to alternate, one bite of bread, washed down with one small sip of ensure. When I had first started with the bread I had noticed my teeth hurt an incredible amount, I must have also been clenching alot, along with the entire pack of ciggarettes I smoked within 5 hours. Took me another ten minutes, 7:15(+12:15) and I had made it half way through the last piece of bread, and half way through the can of ensure, I decide to take a break, since I was getting an extrordenary amount of gas, but surprisingly, my nausia wasn't that bad. I had hoped that the bread was doing its job to soak up the acid's from the Caffien, and the ensure was doing its job giving me a somewhat semi-meal. I begin to notice the cloud lifted off away from me, the sound distortion and zoning out also stopped, as well as the tingling in my hands. I was excited, finally it was working! I would finally be able to get some sleep and hopefully get over this entire ordeal. Sadly I didn't know how wrong I was. So I started again, with my nibble, ,sip method. My teeth were really bothering me as I chew the bread, but do not have the energy to go and brush my teeth, and by then my mom was up and in the shower, so I couldn't anyway.
At 7:30 and after almost 8 hours of feeling horrible because of my stupid mistake I finally finished the bread and the ensure. Even though all those wierd things I was feeling that I know realize was because of hunger were pretty much gone, my nautiousness was still there, and as bad as ever. Let me tell you 7 and a half hours of constant nausia and dry mouth is not something I would wish on my worste enemy. But at least now I didn't have that bad of a dry mouth anymore. I just laid back in my chair and try and relax, hopefully letting the bread and ensure make my stomach feel better, but I was feeling very depressed, like I'd have to live like this forever. I Definatly not feeling much better, alot of gas, each time I burp I feel a little better, I hoped that was the bread doing its job soaking up all the acid and making it come out in gas form... or whatever it was supposed to do. I still felt really nautious... and now guessing that it is due to lack of sleep(almost up for 26 hours strait) and decide yet again, to try and fall asleep, hoping that now the Adderall and Caffein has lost thier effect and I might be able to finally fall asleep. Being anxious I keep my tv on, climb in bed, trying to get in a comfortable position that doesn't make me feel like I'm about to puke, and hope that I can fall asleep.
So I layed there, tossing and turning, stomach hurting and my chest starting to hurt as well. For some strange reason I couldn't keep my eyes all the way closed. I felt like screaming, crying, and killing myself. I even begged to god(and I'm not religious in any way)to help me, begging him that if he believed in me and wanted me to believe in him to help me, to let me fall asleep and wake up feeling better, praying I could get over this ordeal right then and there. Nothing happened of course(like I said I don't believe in god), and as I whiped the tears from my eyes I decided to get out of bed, thinking I had been trying to sleep for at least an hour and a half, but really it was 8:15(+13:15).
I went back on the computer and just sat there... stairing into space... got some more water, and tried to find someone to talk to, to help me. None of my friends were online, my mom was at work(even tho I wouldn't tell her what I did) my brother had gone to sleep, I pondered calling the kid who gave it to me but he would be at school by now. I was completly alone and at 8:30(+13:30) my chest was bothering me enough to start to panic. I was lucky that a friend had just logged on, and she tried to calm me down, but it wasn't working too well. She told me that I probably wouldn't sleep till the afternoon, and it was normal to feel like shit for this long. She also told me not to panic, and it was a hard struggle to do it. She told me its normal.. and I didn't understand it... how could a drug that only affects me for 5 hours, make me feel so totally miserable for 10+ hours? I was almost sure that me taking the Caffien with my acid reflux was to blame for me feeling this horriible for this long, but she said it was normal.
I told her how I was almost positive that it was the Caffien and my Acid reflux, since the nausia set in before the speed even stopped working, I was just too fucked up to let it bother me, and once the speed stopped working I was hit head on with the nausia, and it neveer stopped untill I ate that bread. Also because of the fact that according to some things I have read, the come down is like hopelessness, depressed suicidal, total body aches and more that I can't remember right now, but all I had was the nautiousness, and the dry mouth... and some chest pain, which my doctor told me could be related to gas... or could be just the paxil chest pains that I had come to have to live with.
By 9:00(+14:00) I had sort of convinced her that it was the Caffien which was the reason that I felt so horrible. And I was pretty confident about trying it again... even tho 5 minutes if I had thought about doing it again I would rather have died... I figure now that since I didn't have any of the reported come down effects of the Adderall, just the just the effects I get from having Caffein even when I'm sober, I am pretty confident(just hoping really) that if I take it without any Caffein, the come down wont be as hard or as long... especially since I'll have some weed standing by just incase things get bad, but I'll cover this later on. I started feeling more calmer, talking to my friend had really helped and I hadn't noticed till now. I had no bread left, so I got some pretzles, since they are just as bland...nausia was almost completly gone, and chest discomfort was gone... just feeling really wierd, probably from sleep deprivation, the same kind as before. Within a minute of starting eating the pretzles my nausia was back with a vengance... again, but since all I've had to eat in the past 16 hours was 3 pieces of bread and a can of ensure, I continue to eat them, very slowly.
At 9:30(+14:30)I start to think the pretzles have helped alot, I was starting to feel pretty good and it was surprising, I was so happy that I was not in pain anymore. I still had a tiny bit of discomfort in my chest, but nothing that worried me, and it felt like my paxil chest pains... which are very weird, because when I rub my chest, the pain goes away, as if my heart was seeking attention. I'm still talking to my very supportive friend, who helped me calm down when I was about to have a panic attack, and I'm just waiting for the speed to wear off and I'll probably be knocked out.
I was still wide awake with no hints of being able to get to sleep any time soon. Still hadn't finished the pretzles,when another wave of nausia hit me, just when I had thought the ugliness was over. Its insane how quickly it changes, one second I felt fine, then the next I felt hungry, and then the next I felt so nautious and can feel the food actually moving up my throat...I really am hopeing this will end soon, and it's driving me crazy. I realized that I really needed to get some sleep, VERY soon, becasue as I went downstairs to refill my water I stared at the floor, and saw waves in it, like the ocean. It was 10:00 and I'd now been up officially for 28 hours (+15:00). I saw dots flying around my vision, black ones that look like flys, white ones when I'd blink, but was still wide awake... and haven't gotten over the Nausia yet(now torturing me for 10 full hours...double the time that the actuall speed high was)so even if I did lay down to try and sleep I would have trouble laying down, swallowing just like the other 5 times I tried to fall asleep. I am exausted, but wide awake at the same time, which is the most annoying thing.
It is now 10:30(+15:30) and I finished with the pretzles, my dry mouth seemed to be going away, but was still strong enough to be annoying. My nausia is still there, but thankfully not as strong as before. I've been debating with myself whether to take another ensure or not, still afraid that it isn't hunger, but the acid just waiting to be vomited up, but its hard to tell, since I'de only eaten 3 pieces of bread and a few pretzle sticks... I decide to wait till 11, to see how I feel then. My chest was feeling fine, and I hoped the nausia will fade out soon too. I noticed a significant decrease in gas, which should mean the acid from the Caffein should be just about gone. I also began to recieving hints of the Adderall losing its power, or just my body losing its ability to function, which at that point, either one would seem feasable.
11:00(+16:00) and now have been up for 29 consecutive hours. Still pretty nautious,decided to try and take an ensure for lunch. My friend had left online so I was alone again, but noon was coming, when she said the Adderall would finally wear off. I knew that its still on because even though my eyes were very heavy, when I tryed and shut them to rest them they flutter right back open. I was definatly not doing good, horrible balance, dizzyness, lightheadedness, hallucinations,very lethargic,entire body felt weak,entire body felt heavy and my eyes are were very strained. And of course theres the nausia(but at least no drymouth)... or hunger, I decided to take the ensure to see how I would feel, and depending on better or worse will decide whether I would eat a real lunch, or just continune to be afraid of throwing up.
At 11:15 I cooked myself some soup, those oodles of noodles things. An ironic thing was that when I went to get a spoon to eat it with, I realized I had used the last one to crush up the pill all those hours ago. So I took a bigger spoon cooked the soup and went back to my room. I didn't expect to eat it all, or even alot of it, I just needed to get some sort of food inside my body. I mean the only thing I've eaten in the past 17 hours was 2 ensures, 3 pieces of bread, and some pretzles. I ate it very slowly, and as I continued to eat, my nausia didn't get any worse... so I continued to eat, still slowly, still nervously, but still continuing. At 11:30(+16:30) my stomach began to hurt, I had eaten a good amount of it, maybe a little less then half of it, so I decided to take a break to see if my stomach would settle.
After a few minutes my stomach did settle down, and I continued to literally choke down this soup that I usually love to eat. It became cold since I was eating it so slow, maybe a spoonfull a minute. My friend came back on(the supportive one) but only for a second to see how I was and she had to go again, so I was alone again. By 12:00(+17:00)(now awake for 30 hours with no sleep)I couldn't eat any more of the soup. But I must say that I ate alot more then I thought I would be able to. It was hard to tell if the soup helped or not, because I had the same nausia that I've had for 12 hours now. My plan then was to sit down, try and relax, don't think about my stomach or my chest or anything, just let my stomach settle for thirty minutes to an hour, and hopefully then I'd be able to lay down without nausia problems(if the food did help, if it didn't I had a world of pain to look foward too)and hopefully get some sleep.
Luckily, my nausia soon turned into a feeling of fullness, and since I was so tired, I just went in bed, trying once again to fall asleep. But even though my stomach didn't hurt(as badly as before) that didn't mean I would be able to sleep. I managed to somehow fall into a very restless sleep, where I would wake up every 10 minutes, and would take another 15 to fall back asleep, I was in bed from noon to 7:00(+24:00), and I think I only had gotten maybe one hour of sleep, or two at the most and I was still as nautious as ever, I took my pills and decided I needed to eat.
I had no luck finding food, but my mom did bring home some chicken nuggets from a fast food resturant, so I ate them. Like with the soup, it made my nausia worse as I was eating it, but as the time passed the nausia started to fade away. So after my stomach settled I tried yet again to try and get some sleep, hoping that I could finally end this horrible experience, since I seemed to feel almost normal, just in need of sleep. Went in bed around 8:30, got out again at about 9:30.
Now at 10:15(+27:15)my lower left side had really started to bother me, my body ached all over, and I was just in a very bad mood. I just sat on the computer, talking, and hoping that I would be able to sleep soon.
Nothing really happened for awhile, I continued to watch tv/talk on the computer, and at 12:00 midnight(+29:00), and after 24 hours of feeling like total crap, I felt even worse then. My left side still hurt like hell, and I was very paranoid about my liver dieing, and me with it, my chest had started to hurt again, but I had very little nausia and dry mouth by that point, which I was very glad.
I finally fell asleep around 3am, and woke up at 8:30... go figure up for pretty much 40 hours and only sleeping for 5... felt pretty better tho, and by noon I felt just about normal, just still pretty tired and my back still hurting a lil bit, only when im moving though. I was eating again without much problems, and finally glad that it was over.
The high was alright, even though I spaced out the dosages and missed out on the wonderfully described rush, body high and euphoria, I did enjoy myself for the 5 hours that I was hyped up. I was very disapointed that I missed out on the euphoria, and because of that, basically ruined what could have been a very good time. After the 5 hour trip, hell began, I don't need to go into detail, because I already have, but have decided something. I might have the opportunity to do this again, on my birthday... and I haven't decided if I will try it one more time, this time without Caffein, and with a sack of weed saved for when the speed runs out and if its really bad.
I know what went wrong with this trip, and I will definatly not do it again, if I do decide to do it again. From countless hours of research as to what exactly happens when I come off of adderall, and noticing that the only real 'come-down' effeects that I experienced had started before the speed even stopped working, happens normally when I drink Caffien without any speed(just not as intense)I've come to realize and accept that I messed up a chance at a real good time, and made myself feel horrible for 10+ hours after the trip was over.
I'm not the kind of person who will let one bad experience change my mind on drugs, especially when the bad experience was entirely my fault. I want to experience every drug out there, and even though I got a late start I am doing pretty well. Even though I did get hyper from this drug, I didn't feel the full power of it, what everyone raved about it, and I would like to. I will try it again, this time without making the mistakes that I made this day. I will take the entire dose at once, I will not take ANY other drug with it, especially any Caffien, sugar or any other form of stimulant. I will have a bag of weed ready for when I come down and want to sleep. And I will have been on 5 mg of paxil for over a week, and hopefully somewhat stable.(if paxil played a part with it at all) And most importantly, I won't let my anxiety's get the best of me, I will enjoy it.
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