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Released My Crappy Subconscious
MDMA (Ecstasy) & Tianeptine
by Mr. Schiz
Citation:   Mr. Schiz. "Released My Crappy Subconscious: An Experience with MDMA (Ecstasy) & Tianeptine (exp17631)". Erowid.org. Mar 3, 2008. erowid.org/exp/17631

 
DOSE:
  repeated oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
      Pharms - Tianeptine  

BODY WEIGHT: 130 lb


I used to take ecstasy frequently for 2 years sometimes 8 in a weekend,sometimes once a month.If they fucked me up too much i gave it a break for a bit then started again. It created problems in me since day 1. Because of my condiotions social anxiety and depression i would take it thinking that it would have some special sort of realisation and overcome my problems. I didnt it just made me worse but now i had found something that i could actually have fun with, rather then alcohol and weed which would make me fuck off paranoid. So i did it loads until i realised that if i carried on any further i would have nothing left in my brain.

Although i had problems b4 now i am really really bad. I am paranoid as shit, i think im weird as fuck and cannot communictae with ppl properly, am spaced as shit, nothing seems real, i have no motivation for anything, my memory sucks, cant get angry or cry even though i should, if someone in my family died right now i doubt i could cry.I just feel like i have emotions but my body wont let them out anymore and this feels like a gutting sensation in my stomach constantly. I see no point in living except to wait and see if i get better. The only reason i havent killed my self yet is because i havent the motivation or the energy. I used to be good at art which i was going to do as a career but because of pills - i have forgotten how to, i just cant do it anymore.

I think mdma realesed my crappy subconscious into my conscoius thoughts. The situations where my heart used to race now i simply sit and take the pain in my brain as evil thoughts. Apparently for ppl like me in takes between 6 months to a year to see 'significant improvements' but not recovery.

Even though it has done all this stuff to me i do beleive it has role with psychologists. The only positive from all this is that it has changed my personality from a shy scared person to a paranoid person who looks shy but dosent feel shy - i am myself but only in my head, i cant express myself - for some reason it feels painful.

There is actaully some medication I use to reverse mdma depressions - i used to use it until the online pharmacy closed. It is called 'tianeptine'. Instead of dulling my emotions like prozac does, it tends to amplify them. Tianeptine worked for me.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 17631
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Mar 3, 2008Views: 23,269
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MDMA (3), Pharms - Tianeptine (466) : Unknown Context (20), Post Trip Problems (8), Hangover / Days After (46), Depression (15), Addiction & Habituation (10), Health Problems (27)

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