Citation: gatekeeper. "Perdition: An Experience with MDMA, Ketamine & Cocaine (exp17889)". Erowid.org. Dec 27, 2018. erowid.org/exp/17889
I began my journey with drugs in hand with the idea of realizing the potential of fun. I have had many experiences with the devil and wish to express and share what I have learned through one.
I was in Sin City one weekend. This particular night began with two E-bombs and ended in a blur of confusion and destruction. At the club, my rampage continued as I took key 'bumps' of ketamine. I was floating. My heart had no weight, and my problems, just for a moment, relinquished into the bright realm of my imagination. This is how drugs made me feel. It was the invincibility that crept into my mind. The sound of the music slowly creeping up my spine. The lights. The atmosphere. Everything was perfect that night. I felt alive.
To further explain the severity of this situation, I must add that I have had suicidal tendencies in the past. I always figured that the pain I felt on drugs could never compare to that of sobriety. I was terribly wrong. I continued to drop pills that night. In fact, I don't quite recall exactly how many I consumed. The last thing I remember of the club was a feeling of complete loneliness. I sat at a table and was oblivious to my surroundings. The K had taken full effect with the ecstasy and I was angry.
The K had taken full effect with the ecstasy and I was angry.
I saw my life without me in it. I watched my friends without my presence and I sank deep into my confusion. I knew then that I was further away from the world than ever before and I went back to the hotel room alone. The first thing I did was rack two 4" piles of snow.
The amount I did is not important. Even the happenings of this event isn't really relavant. It is that emptyness that was drifting through me. It was the feeling of water engulging my entire body. I didn't want to breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't even cry. I just kept washing away my hope with more powder, only to learn that there is never enough to fill the gaps of complication. There is never enough to replace the shine of the sun.
I have no moral to this story. I am only left with scars. I am only left with the grace of making it through my rough times, in hopes of something greater. I have no quarrels with drugs. I only have respect for what they have taught me.
May intelligence guide you all. And may love bring you back...
[Reported Dose: ecstasy 6-8 pills; cocaine 1.5 grams; ketamine multiple bumps]
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