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The Very Depths of Internal Hell
by Returner
Citation:   Returner. "The Very Depths of Internal Hell: An Experience with 5-MeO-DiPT (exp18067)". Erowid.org. Nov 30, 2004. erowid.org/exp/18067

40 mg oral 5-MeO-DiPT (capsule)
  40 mg insufflated 5-MeO-DiPT (powder / crystals)


This is the account of a half purposeful half accidental overdose on 5-MeO-Dipt (I’ll get to that in the story). Suffice it to say I’ve had my share of drug experiences, from LSD to Meth and everything in-between, but nothing compared to the sheer terror and pure insanity of 80 mg of this.

The day started of with me making pills up for 5 of my friends, all of whom are good trippers and who have sampled this not so foxy drug before at still high, but not extreme doses. Since this was to be my last trip for a while, and we normally all take the same amount, we decided to go out with a bang. 40 mg it was to begin with. That’s the purposeful overdose. I made the pills (Emptied out gelcaps) and we took them around 6 pm after a light meal.

I never have gotten extreme GI troubles from 5Meo-Dipt, and this time it was no different, I felt slightly queasy 15 minutes after ingestion, but nothing to serious. Then came the first alert. I can only describe this as similar to a high speed elevator taking off at 100 mph. It went up and it went up fast. Waves of electricity were shooting through me, pulsing almost, compelling me to move and find something to do. But I couldn’t, so we walked. The sunset was beautiful; magnificent shades of red, yellow, and orange filled the sky. It was the last good image I was all night.

As the sun went down, the trip intensified. No longer were we 4 (One friend couldn’t take it due to engagements he forgot about) tripping friends walking around town observing people and having a good time, but 4 psychotic mental patients so far out of the normal world there was no point trying to talk to us. I was engrossed in my 3-D sunglasses (Mind you this was at night), my one friend Joe could only talk about how bad he was shaking (And I felt for him, if I stopped moving my legs, my whole body would just start vibrating uncontrollably), Rich was busy trying to make sense of every person he saw, and all Justin could say was ‘woah man I don’t know’.

We finally arrived at our predetermined destination at about 8:30, 2 hours and 30 minutes into it, after getting lost in the town we grew up in. This was John’s backyard. An attempt at regrouping our sanity was made: we all agreed that we should smoke to calm the incessant vibrating and pure energy that we could barely contain. From this point on this story is just about my experience, I could not tell you what happened to everyone else save scattered details. I’m going to write this section as how my tripping mind perceived things.

I would not sit still, I couldn’t. Some primal force compelled me to move for my own safety, like prey being stalked, I must always be on the move. Chairs were pointless. If I sat next to someone I could feel their energy pouring over into me, compelling me to join them in ‘conversation’. No I couldn’t have that. It’s a weakness, it will taint my mind. I must be strong, by sitting I let them win. But I needed to do something. Wait, we need a blunt, we're going to smoke. I can do that. Ride far away, be with my self. Whole. I took the bike, I don’t know whose. It was mine now. How can you own a grouping of atoms? I rode, I knew the way, It was one road. And what a road it was. Atoms racing by me at light speed, photons of all different colors racing towards my eyes, blinding me with its sheer intensity. I look up, the sky is falling, no longer silent white stars, but racing shooting rainbow meteors plummeting down towards the ground. It’s the end of the world and I am the only one who knows.

I make it to ‘7-11’. It’s a number and a store. My logic cells break, they can’t handle that. But they have blunts. I enter. People. Their looking at me. All of them, penetrating eyes seeing deep within my soul. Projecting themselves into me. I can't handle it, too much energy. Must ignore and focus on my mission. Too many distractions, too many colors. I reach for my money. Paper to trade for goods, who thought of that? There are numbers on the paper, but I cant read them. They all melt together into one green blob. I try and focus. Deep breath. Relax. Look at the number. ‘5’. It comes into focus.. It is all I see. 5. The store fades away into nothingness. All there are is me, 5, and green. Snap! ‘$1.25 please’. Please? OH yea, I have the money, how long was I standing there? Bah give it to him he has the blunt. ‘Here you go’ ‘Thanks have a nice day’. RUN!!!!!!!!!

Out of that fake world. Ride back to Johns. Pedal, pedal, pedal. Focus. Distraction…I have another 40 mg pill! In my pocket, I grab it. Its 10, too late to take it…unless. Pour, bump! Argh!!! It burns, searing pain, deep through my nose into my brain, down my throat. I start to shake. Wait, where am I? All reality falls apart.

[Aside] The only thing I knew at this point was that I was on a lot of drugs, had a blunt, and had to be at Johns now[/aside].

Pedal. Pedal. Johns! I’m back, Everything’s ok! But its not, something is going higher. Higher. To high. I pace. Pace pace pace pace. No attention span, nothing interests me. Blunt! Smoke smoke smoke. Uh ho. Must go home now. Bad feelings growing. Who are these people? Why do I like them? Nothing makes sense. Life makes no sense. It’s meaningless. I’m meaningless. Pointless, must sleep. Sleep! Yes. Sleep = peace.

[I’m done with that style now since I barely thought anything for the next 4 hours that can accurately be put into words] It's at this point I left John's with my 3 other friends. All of whom had no idea what was going on as well, but they could at least talk about it. I could walk, that’s about it. I would not talk. I was told I was bright red, drenched in sweat, eyes fully dilated, and they could see my heart beating through my shirt, which I believe since it felt like I was having a heart attack most of the time. As we neared the corner at which I had to split up with them I just walked on towards my house, not saying a word. They tried to get me to stay with them, but I would not listen, or maybe I was just so fucked up I wasn’t hearing anything except Tool’s 46 +2 on auto repeat in my head (Which I do remember). Oh, if you want to know how the visuals were I couldn’t see five feet in front of me. Everything sort of merged into some infinitesimally small point ala black hole style form what I remember. But that is irrelevant. No visuals are worth that sort of mental anguish.

When I got home, the first thing I did was strip completely naked, turn of every single light since even a night light would burn my eyes and literally make me feel bad, and curl up into bed. It was 1130. I spent the next 4 hours alternately aimlessly wandering my house like a crazed psychotic mental patient without a clue what was going on and lying curled in a ball staring at the clock. The only thing I could think of was that I was dead and didn’t know it yet. I felt my soul leave my body several times and my heart stop as well, which it seriously might have. I was randomly twitching as well, which means I cold have damn well have had a minor seizure and not have known. Every time I tried to think, or had the beginnings of a rational thought, my mind stopped in its tracks like a car caught in quicksand: the wheels were going really, really fast but the car wasn’t going anywhere. The clock became my only friend. It ticked excruciatingly slow. Any sensory input literally hurt my brain. It couldn’t take anything above pitch black without ‘shorting out’. The paranoia was so great that at times I burst into tears.

I just couldn’t take it anymore. I cried for it to stop but that just made it worse. The only times my mind did think it got caught in a loop trying to figure out just what the hell happened/is going on, but the answer never came. Only paranoia, deep primal terror, and despair so great that for all intents and purposes I was in hell.

The first waves of reality came slow. Around 2 am I stopped vibrating. I heard alone bird chirp out my window. It became my guide to reality (Although I’m not sure If I just imagined it). Eventually I must have passed out from complete exhaustion as I woke up at 8 the next morning with such a brain fog you would not believe. I still couldn’t think straight. I had no emotion left. I was a lifeless soul walking aimlessly through the world not comprehending what I saw. It took me months to finally recover from this supposed ‘going out with a bang’.

I write this in hopes that no one would do what I did. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. It’s inhuman. Perhaps this chemical has uses in the field of torture, but beyond that it's worthless. Even the low doses (~10 mg) that I have taken tell me that this isn't worth my time. There are alot better things out there.

Exp Year: 2001ExpID: 18067
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Nov 30, 2004Views: 12,718
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5-MeO-DiPT (57) : Overdose (29), Difficult Experiences (5), Small Group (2-9) (17)

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