Citation: kat. "A Slow Fall: An Experience with Opiates (exp18129)". Erowid.org. Aug 5, 2005. erowid.org/exp/18129
Ugh. Where to begin.
First, I should note that this story is about an addiction to opiates. I should also note I don't go rabid at the mere mention of drugs because of my experience. I fucked up. It's my fault.
Well, where to start. Alright, seventh grade.
'Here, take this.'
'What is it?'
I was in love.
Over the years, I really fell in love with opiates and opioids. From propoxyphene to hydromorphone, I found purity. I never really had much of a chance to use them. I'd sometimes go months without taking them, but when I came across them, I'd get them. It wasn't really an addiction untill lately, just a passive desire for bliss.
Okay, August (It's October now). I had since chosen a favorite opioid, hydrocodone (Vicodin). I had found some reliable sources. I don't know why, but I figured I'd keep myself from diving too deep. Come to think of it, I pretty much did. Starting in August, I'd take them from twice a day to every three days (to let my tolerance drop). My dosages were from 8-50mgs. Vicoprofen and generic Vicodin were my delivery methods. Sometimes I'd snap them in half to increase absorption.
In about.. September, all the hydrocodone and oxycodone was gone. I didn't really feel much of a sense of loss, as I had started taking breaks from them (not that I meant to, I just couldn't get them sometimes). Right about here is where I started to become a rather irritable person.
But, lo and behold, codeine makes an appearance. I had never liked codeine, as it's a fairly weak opiate. Codeine was everywhere, sometimes I'd quit using it for three days (again, not by choice), and sometimes I'd use it twice a day. I quit sharing with friends. I'd spend at least three hours every morning staring at the ceiling whilst listening to Boards of Canada and Spiritualized. It was heaven.
But then, things started to slow down. My supply was wearing down, and everyone I knew had already raided their medicine cabinets. This is no good. My supply was gone, so I picked up some in Canada. 400mgs for $3.50 (American), can't beat that.
But then I had to clean myself up for drug screen, to get a job. Five days of hell was in store, though it could have been much worse. I told myself that if I couldn't go five days without any opiates, I'd get some clonidine and make myself go much longer.
Long story short, life sucked. I started to get bad headaches. I have mild arthritis (though I'm only 17, so that may not be it), and that really started to hurt. I was a very cranky person to be around. My temper was very short, my body ached, and I kept having vivid dreams and nightmares (though those were common, I never really remembered them). I felt a desire, a love for opiates. I felt drawn to their awesome presence. Afterall, who wouldn't like bliss, purity, and pride in a pill?
Life is much simpler with opiates. Something happens; good or bad? If it's good, nod. If it's bad, worry about it later. Just make sure that wall doesen't move. I believe I'm over it, but I'm refraining from consumption untill next year. What started as heaven and bliss turned out rather sour. Marijuana amplified the effects of withdrawl, as well.
A few Vicodin tabs, a Killians Irish Red, and some ganja will make for a good night. I just don't make it a habit, as those pills take back what they give. If I have nothing to give, they will still take. Though most pains and mood swings are gone, I still feel deeply drawn to opiates. The power of the poppy is immense. The joy it brings is immense. But it will bite back, if used in excess. And besides, it's an expensive habit. All I can say is I'm lucky I didn't dive too far in. A little responsibility is all it takes to keep out of trouble. The ability to stop when I notice negative effects is very good, as well. What I had was a mild habit. A severe addiction would have been pure torture.
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