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Curious? My Story...
Tobacco
Citation:   Scotty. "Curious? My Story...: An Experience with Tobacco (exp18541)". Erowid.org. Oct 30, 2002. erowid.org/exp/18541

 
DOSE:
  joints/cigs smoked Tobacco (daily)
BODY WEIGHT: 190 lb
I am writing this to tell my story of smoking and how it has affected my life for the better and worse. Take this for what you will:

Tobacco is by far the most fun drug to use for me. I have drank, chewed, smoked weed, hashish, taken adderall, and taken caffine pills (not even worth it!). Out of all of them smoking is my pleasure. I've smoked for a full year now and I feel anxiety everytime I light up. Drinking makes it so much better, but everyday on my way to school, nothing buzzes me more or makes me more awake than a good smoke.

...however,

There's not a day in my life that I don't want to quit. I started out smoking cloves around November with my friends. We'd have one everyday afterschool and that was about it. After 2 months I bought my first pack of cigarettes when visiting Boston College with my cousin. I found the feeling similar to cloves, but more intense. I find cloves to be more of a complete body relaxing feeling, while a cigarette just makes your body feel incredibly good. I dropped cloves and smoked 2-3 cigarettes a day from January until spring break in March when my friend Mike suggested that we buy a bunch of cigarettes for Disney World because we would be sooo bored....he was right! 6 days of underage fun in Disney World was hell and we went through about half a pack a day. After Spring Break I was up to about 5-6 cigarettes a day and that lasted through my Lacrosse season (I got all league defense even though I smoked LOL). I began to feel the drawbacks of smoking when I would run out of breath on the field faster and more often, while my body took longer to cool down.

Around the beginning of June I met a girl and she didn't like smoking so I decided to quit for her. I didn't smoke for a week and a half and I was fine... Then she broke up with me and I started again even though I didn't want to because I wanted to 'show her' of course. Then I picked it up more when I went to Spain. I probably smoked close to 3/4 a pack a day in Spain (June) and after I returned (mid July) I was up to 5-10 cigarettes a day. One day I played ultimate frizbee with some of my friends, which I had enjoyed and always been able to do in the past, but now it was different. My throat felt like it was swelling up and I found myself gasping for air...I knew my days of athletics and smoking were over. I continued this use through today where I still smoke around 7-8 cigarettes a day (it's November 2002, I started November 2001 on cloves). I know I will have to quit if I want to play lacrosse again, but I hate to say my need for nicotine probably will get the better of me.

I so wish I had quit when I had the chance. The great times I've had talking with other smokers during breaks or after school has really made me think a lot more and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Smoking has let me meet more interesting people and engage in conversation with strangers more often. The thing that haunts me now is that I can't seem to make myself quit. It is so hard and I've only smoked a year! After a couple weeks I am able to stop feeling the physical need, but the constant psycological need is unbearable. Everytime I drive I have an unreal desire to smoke...My plan is to quit after college, but how much harder will it be then? Will I ever be able to quit? Am I going to be like the old lady that walks in at my work and needs to sit and breathe heavily for 10 minutes just for walking 50 feet due to damage from smoking?

All I know is I don't want to be like that. I caution people from ever lighting up because it's hard to quit... The key to think about using any drug is this...'If I don't know what it feels like, I'll never miss it.'

~Scott

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 18541
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Oct 30, 2002Views: 47,255
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Tobacco (47) : Health Problems (27), Glowing Experiences (4), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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