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Managing a Habit, Avoiding an Addiction
by kiwigrrl
Citation:   kiwigrrl. "Managing a Habit, Avoiding an Addiction: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp18571)". Aug 4, 2005.

1 line insufflated Methamphetamine (daily)


My Background

I was never a drug user, not even a drinker. I've tried drugs here and there, but the only drug habit I've carried throughout my life was my addiction to nicotine, and even that is sporadic at best. I've been fairly health-conscious most of my life, as a result of having chronic health problems. I'm vegetarian, work out, take my vitamins, etc. I had recently gone through a personal upheaval in my life, and was battling mental and emotional exhaustion. A friend in a similar situation offered me a line one day, so out of curiosity (and necessity - I was so tired and I needed to be up all night to finish a project for work), I cut the line he gave me in half (tip #1- start conservative), and snorted the half. I have not been a stranger to the drug scene- all my life, I had friends that were into one street drug or another. Some fucked their lives up with it, some died from it, some managed their habits for years without much harm. I've never had anything against it - I just never felt compelled to try anything until recently.

My Experience

It does not hit me as an 'high.' It has never hit me as a 'high.' (I definitely know, for example, when pot hits me. I've never liked pot because I'm lethargic to start, and it makes me catatonic.) Maybe it's because I keep my lines very small, do only one line, and keep them spaced apart by at least 4-6 hours. If I need to stay up for 24 hours, I do 3 lines. Generally, I like to do one line around noon to 2. That will keep me going for 10-12 hours, and allow me to sleep restfully at night. Like I said, I don't feel a high - I just feel much more energetic, and more productive, and active.

My Habit

The one thing I do to manage my habit is to only have one hookup. I also set a strict budget for myself - at the most, $25/per purchase, twice a month. I have made sure to stick to this budget, hell or high water. Since my hookup is my friend, he will not sell me any more than my budget, anyway. I only snort, and I really only use this to be productive and work. Once I buy my supply, when I run out (one purchase lasts me over a week), I 'clean out' for one week to a month afterwards. It keeps me from building a significant tolerance, gives my organs a deserved rest. It is not a party drug for me- I can party on it, but I prefer to use it for work (I'm a freelance artist). Do I like it? Definitely. Do I crave it? Somewhat - it's not a strong craving- when I'm cleaning out between purchases, I do look forward to my next purchase, in a sense. It's kind of like looking forward to a party or a get-together with a friend...but it's not an intense craving in any way. I'll say that my chocolate craving is a lot stronger than my meth craving. I plan my clean up ahead of time, and never break it early.


I've never had a bad comedown - I basically feel like I've stayed up too long (which I have), and feel a bit achy, like I'm coming down with the flu. I don't have a comedown at all if I only do a single line. The only time I come down is when I've been up for more than 24 hours. I don't feel aggressive, or irritated. I just feel tired , pure and simple. The most I will do now is three lines in a 24 hour period (which will keep me up for about 36). I don't binge. If I've done an all-nighter, I will give my body a break for 2-3 days before doing another line. I also make it a point to not do more than two all nighters per purchase. I am extremely disciplined about this. I'm paranoid of addiction - I'll admit that I have a habit - I don't want to abuse it.


Another thing I make sure to do is to get the best quality possible. I only use glass, and don't buy if it smells overly of solvent.

Other Effects

The only side effect this has for me is acne - I do break out a bit when I use it. That's almost how I plan my clean-up. I don't buy another purchase until my skin clears up completely and has been clear for a week. Also, I take frequent showers (about twice a day-it increases skin oiliness).

Funny, this makes me really anal about taking care of myself because I know it's not good for you. It makes me religious about eating healthy, working out, taking my vitamins… because I feel like if I'm going to do this, I need to really take care of my body unless I want it to just go to hell.

What Helps

I still work out to maintain muscle mass, and I make sure to eat (healthy) while I'm on the stuff, so I don't emaciate myself. I keep well hydrated at all times, and take lots - (vitamin B's, antioxidants, etc) of vitamins and minerals, because this stuff will deplete your system. I've found that cleaning up for at LEAST a week, sometimes as long as a month, between purchases makes a BIG difference. I don't like to stay up all night - I'll use this to do that when I have to, but most of the time, it's just a line a day.

My Humble Opinion

I can see how this can be extremely addictive. I would like the keep enjoying the effects without paying massively for it, physically, mentally, financially, etc. As with all drugs, there are risks involved. With any drugs, it's about how much discipline I have. If I am sure (and it's really hard to know until I try, isn't it) I can control a habit, and not let the habit control me, chances are, I can do most substances and come out without hurting myself too much. I start out conservative, I know my dosage, and I use extreme discipline. That's all I can say.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 18571
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Aug 4, 2005Views: 18,190
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Methamphetamine (37) : Health Problems (27), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Alone (16)

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