When Its There, But Not Completely
Ecstasy
Citation: SSY. "When Its There, But Not Completely: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp188)". Erowid.org. Feb 15, 2001. erowid.org/exp/188
DOSE: |
1 tablet | oral | MDMA | (pill / tablet) |
BODY WEIGHT: | 138 lb |
We left the venue early that night, we had come across quite a few other party goers that we had known from a few instances before and invited them back to my friends house to chill the night away with us and the gladly accepted the invitation. Once I got back into the van that we had driven there, it started. I started feeling weird, not like my heart was going to explode, or that there was something physically wrong with me, but I got the bad vibe. The vibe that you get when you are in a situation that you know is wrong, everything around you is wrong, you shouldn't be here, you should be somewhere else. I couldn't understand why I got this vibe, because I was around all my friends, everyone was smiling, no one felt this way but me, so I kept it to myself for the ride back to his house.
As I got out of the van in the driveway at home, my girlfriend, who was rolling for her first time, ran up to me and gave me a big hug and looked at me and asked what was wrong. All I replied was that something was wrong and I was going to lay down and she should go downstairs with the others. I didn't want my bad roll to affect hers, I have had many many enlightening experiences while on Ecstacy and I didn't want my bad one to make hers a bad one, becuase I thought she was enjoying herself quite a bit.
We walked inside and I made my way past the people standing in the entrance way to my friends bedroom where I figured I'd lay awake for a lil' while chillin and slowly drift off to sleep as the roll wore off. But instead she came with me.
At that point I was so afraid that I was freaking her out about me and that I was causing her to have a bad roll that I almost didn't want her in the room with me. I'm glad she stayed. I didn't move, but for a brief ride, out of that bed for the rest of the night. It was so amazing. Being there with her at that moment just blew the bad feelings away. We laid there in each others arms, me loving every second of her touch of the aura that she put off.
We never did more than kiss that night and I don't regret it. It wasn't about physical pleasure, it was about the connection that was felt, how one person made the other one feel. That feeling was so powerful and moving, I'd never felt anything like it. To this day, five of the seven nights of a week, I go to bed thinking about that night and recapturing just a bit of that feeling.
But there's an underlying secret in all of this. I love that drug, I love that girl, and in the end I know I can get that feeling by just being with her. The part the drug played that night was not to multiply my feelings for her, but to share in a world that just the two of us were in. It was a new experience for both of us (even though I had done Ecstacy before), I love the experience but even more important, I love knowing sober I can still get my 'fix' by being with her.
Exp Year: 2000 | ExpID: 188 |
Gender: Male | |
Age at time of experience: Not Given | |
Published: Feb 15, 2001 | Views: 9,410 |
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MDMA (3) : Various (28), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1) |
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