Citation: Aytch Jay. "First Time, Afraid of Dying, Now I Love It: An Experience with Cannabis (exp18851)". Erowid.org. Dec 14, 2019. erowid.org/exp/18851
First of all, I don't believe in teacher plants, or being one with the Earth, or God, or really anything spiritual at all. The Church of the Subgenius and the Principia Discordia are as close as I get. I'm also a near perfect GPA college student who is graduating soon, and planning on pursuing a doctoral degree in a technical field. I don't smoke, and occasionally drink. I guess my take on substance use is that I like to have very apparent very intense effects.
I've always been fascinated by drugs, but until quite recently, I'd never tried them, though many of my friends had. There were two reasons for this:
1. I was afraid of permanent effects (I'd been told pot kills brain cells, etc.)
2. Since I'd never done drugs, I had a bit of a holier-than-thou feeling about drugs.
So, here is my narrative:
I had turned 21 two months prior, and due to unknown cultural influences (I suspect the Big Lebowski and The Strokes), the girl I'm dating and I decided that we'd try out cannabis.
My neighbors at the time were vague aquaintances and hardcore potheads. A friend of mine was moving out of town, and we had a 5 day bender party before he left us for law school. It was the summer, and we had few responsibilities, and it was a fine way to spend many an evening.
So, on the 5th night of the going away party, we went over to the neighbors place, and started watching Mr. Show while waiting for the bong to get to us. They were all amused as we clumsily learned from them how to smoke from this bong.
I breathed in from the chamber with the carb or whatever the heck it's called in a bong. Then I lifted the little thing holding the cannabis and breathed in deeply.
Not being a smoker, I nearly vomited coughing. And boy did I cough forever. It was probably the most monstrous hit I've ever taken, as all my smoking since then has been via pipe. Then we got back to watching the show, and I didn't really feel anything.
I knew that some people don't feel anything their first time, though I've heard that's from factors like not smoking correctly, etc. So, I sat there, and the first thing I noticed is that my eyes felt kinda weird. They felt somewhat like they were under greater pressure than usual. I felt generally relaxed, and things were exceptionally funny for no really good reason.
It was a little while later that I noticed I couldn't remember what had just happened in the show. I didn't realize at the time that this was a really common effect, and it really freaked me out at first.
I didn't realize at the time that this was a really common effect, and it really freaked me out at first.
I'm also a bit of a hypochrondriac sometimes, and I was worried that maybe I'm the one person in a million who has some horrible reaction to pot. I was somewhat afraid that I was slowly losing mental function, and so I got really fidgety, while I tried to assess if I was going to slip unconscious or not.
I kept trying to remember what was happening in the show, and I'd hear a line and think 'Wow, that was really well written', but I'd not remember the context of the joke, so it wasn't exactly funny.
I went back home next door, and talked to a friend of mine and said that that I was afraid, and that everything seemed different, but in a subtle way. He jokingly said 'Well, that's because you're actually experiencing a higher form of consciousness'. We all pretty much find people who think there is a higher truth in marijuana (or any drug) to be delusional.
I also noticed that whatever I was looking at seemed somehow more dominant. It wasn't that I had tunnel vision, just that the sense of sight was taking up more overhead in my brain function than usual.
Also, when I had a sip of vodka later, it seemed especially gross. (I detest the taste of alcohol.) Also, I didn't seem to get used to the taste in the mouth. That is, my brain seemed to be not filtering out data that wasn't very important anymore.
Also, I did get the paranoid reaction. When I brushed my teeth, the toothpaste tasted differently (everything does), and I seriously thought someone had poisoned my toothpaste, so I spit it out and used my roommates. I realized pretty immediately that it was a retarded thing to think.
I was quite afraid, but the girl I'm dating comforted me, and I eventually fell asleep. She didn't really get anything out of it that day, but I eventually got her high sometime later.
The next day, I still felt a little high, or at least exceptionally mellow. I could definitely tell that I wasn't at baseline.
Since, I've smoked a good 1/8th an ounce of kb spread over many occasions, and had one pot brownie experience. After that first time, pot has been really enjoyable FNORD, and I think of it as an alternative to alcohol, though really, I prefer the effects of cannabis.
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