DOSE:

repeated

Methamphetamine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

I've always wanted to be a writer, and when I first thought about doing crank I thought that I would be able to stay up all day and night and just write. That's why I did it, though it's ironic that I never wrote a word while on crank because I couldn't focus on any one thing for too long.

The first time I did meth was smoking some in a little tin-foil pipe. I was with a guy I hardly knew in a room being bombarded by rap music. The first couple of hits I told him I didn't feel anything, and the same with the next few. After a while though we smoked some weed, and the instant that happened the meth came out. My thoughts felt like freight trains barrelling by, the chair I was in felt restricting. Breathing became fast and all my muscles clenched up. The only comfort was the music, only because the heavy thumping of the bass closely resembled the heavy beating of my heart.

I sat in that chair and let my body move to the music for about three hours. I couldn't figure how that experience was pleasant, yet I bought a quarter gram anyway. I did a line the next day, slightly apprehensive. Right afterward I felt myself smiling uncontrollably, felt at ease, my body felt warm and fluid, and the music I was listening to sounded clearer. Though I expected more, this wasn't too terribly bad. I walked around afterward outside in the sun and felt in most every way good.

Skip ahead a few months. In the meantime I didn't do much, just about a gram spaced out over the next few months. But I had become a heavy drinker, and I'd realized that if you were drunk and did a line, it took away the drunkenness instantaneously. That's why I started doing it the second time. I moved to a bigger city and found a stable hook-up. That's when it got heavy. I bought about a gram first, and started doing it just for fuck's sake; a change of atmosphere you might say.

In a couple of days a routine developed: get in my car to go to work, do a line and smoke a foil, go to work, do two lines during break, go back home and sit in my car and do two foils, hang out with my roommates for a few hours and then go either into the bathroom or the car and do another line or two, go back inside, stay up until they went to sleep and then do a line and two foils, hang out and play guitar for a few hours, sleep for an hour or two, wake up and do it again the next day.

It went on like that for around four months, everyday. I've always been able to sleep even after just doing a line, but the sleep never lasted more than a couple hours. In the long run I never felt I had a problem, or that I was in the slightest bit addictive: it simply became a way of life, a routine. here's another irony though: after a few months of tweaking with a total of maybe 48 hours of sleep, the desire for booze overrode the crank and my former disease fell victim to the cure which became the disease only to be cured by the first disease.

If I smoked weed I'd immediately get paranoid, my heartbeat would become overly apparent, I couldn't sit down, my eyes would dart back and forth, and I developed a tic in my left pec--which I believed at the time was my heart getting ready to explode. Even after all that shit I'd often do the two together, and everytime it was horrible and I hated it. To this day I still have a tic in my chest, and I can no longer smoke grass, which I am greatly saddened by, though understand that it was through no fault but my own.

The come down is terrible. Sometimes I'd take it into my head that I'd just quit doing it, and so I would. That would last about five or six hours and I'd start getting aggravated and testy. Once I let it go all day without doing any and later that day, when I was trying to sew a patch on a pair of jeans, I freaked out so badly because I couldn't seem to get it right that I seriously contemplated suicide. After that I went in the bathroom, did two lines, and felt normal again.

In the long run I don't think crank is worth a good-god-damn. It ruined my enjoyment of weed and fueled my alcoholism. The potential for abuse is way too high to be used recreationally, and if you think you're taking it for medicinal purposes your only kidding yourself. Though I did find a cure for doing crank: drink from morning 'til night. Now which one is better, who's to say?

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 18953
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 29, 2007	Views: 10,813
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Methamphetamine (37) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)