DOSE:

tablets

oral

MDMA

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

9 kg

This is the result of a little self-reflection....

I’ve been taking Ecstasy for about 4 months now. During that time I’ve taken at least 49 pills, plus on one occasion a gram of MDMA powder.
During the first couple of months I was only still dabbling in ecstasy, because I couldn’t really find anyone else who wanted to take them with me. My best friend didn’t approve, the others weren’t interested, and a couple more had been taking them for over a year before my first experience, so had gotten bored with them, quit them, or moved onto cocaine.

But by the end of the second month/start of the third, I had a heavy weekend with ecstasy (8 pills, plus a little bit of cocaine). This was an awesome weekend, and I think this is when I truly fell in love with ecstasy.

So, we’re now into the third month, and this is where I started taking a bit more base-amphetamine (pure speed) until a dreadful experience on my birthday has completely put me off this evil, nasty chemical. I only ever really got base when I couldn’t get E, but towards the end of the third month/begginning of the forth, I managed to get some more E-contacts , and found some more people who were up for doing it with me. This was where I really started to use E in excess amounts. I started double-dropping, and started meeting a lot of new people who liked E too, and who were genuinely fun , friendly people to be around.

About 4 weeks ago, towards the end of the forth month, I started upping my E dosage dramatically. 3 starbursts, a bit of cocaine, and some weed made for a very interesting, if not, psychadelic evening! Since then, I’ve been buying about 8-10 pills every Friday, plus some MDMA powder. I’ve taken about 30 pills in 3 weeks, and I always double-drop at least once on the Friday session. A couple of weekends I tripple-dropped twice.

During these few weeks it has crossed my mind a few times that I might have a problem with ecstasy. I usually think this a couple days after rolling, on a comedown. I’ve talked to a few friends about it, with mixed responses. One told me that I shouldn’t worry about it, your just on your ‘honeymoon’ still (as it’s only been 4 months since my first experience with E). Another, who’s taken well over 100 pills, and has now quit them, has told me I’m fine now, but if I continue like this for a few more months, I might start going downhill seriously. I spoke to another friend (a very experienced one who’s been taking E for close to 4 years), and she said she’d stop me if I ever started losing control. I didn’t bother asking anyone else, but two people have told me this week that they are concerned with my E usage. One was a fairly good friend visiting from university. He said that I needed to stop doing it every weekend, otherwise sooner or later I’d end up dead. I don’t have any idea how he’s found out what I’ve been doing every weekend he’s been at university, but it might indicate that other people amongst my group of friends are concerned.

I think they’re exaggerating to be honest, and that comment by him did piss me off. I think I have enough responsibility when it comes to knowing how much my body and mind can take. Yes, I’m not denying that my ecstasy useage has become very heavy, but I’m fairly sensible when taking lots of E. I spread out the dosage over a 5/6 hour period, I take notice of my hydration levels, I NEVER EVER drink alcohol with it. Sure, I double-drop, and i’ve triple dropped a couple of times before, but I know I can handle it because I experimented carefully before hand, rather than just going all-out mad. I know this friend just cares about me, which is great, it’s really nice to know that and have that support and loyalty from a person in life, but at the same time I can’t help but feel quite angry. Angry because I know people have been going behind my back talking about my drug use, rather than confronting me about it.

The second person to tell me at least told me right to my face, when I was on E, in the usual place I take it. I didn’t know her, but she obviously knew me, because she looked at me then frowned and said, ‘’are you ‘pilled-up’ again?’’. I just looked at her grinning for a few seconds, grinding my teeth, then nodded! Then she said something like, ‘’Jesus Christ! Sort it out!’’. Being off my eye-balls, I continued grinning and then said, ‘’that’s very rude!’’. The two other people sitting next to me just laughed, they were on E too. After this, she walked off. And that was that.

It’s only now I’ve begun to think about these two people’s comments. I’m taking a look at myself, and having a think about my useage. I’m the only one who can decide to stop taking it, if I want too, not anyone else.
After some reflection, I think it’s exaggeration. Why? Because I only take it once a week, or once a weekend. I’ve stuck to that rule like super-glue since day 1. I do love ecstasy like no other drug, yes I’ll admit that, but I don’t feel I’m out of control or anything. Like I said, yes, my usage is heavy, but I’ve never been very good with moderation! I used to drink like a fish when I was about 16-17, yet still kept it together, and eventually got bored of it. I figure this’ll happen with ecstasy before it becomes a problem.

But for now, the magic is still there, and the good-times still outweigh the comedowns, the positive outweighs the negative aspects, and there’s no real need or ‘craving’ for the drug…….But saying all this, I will be constantly checking up on myself from now on, just to be sure, because I haven’t been sleeping quite right the past few weeks, and I’ve experienced a weird sensation a few days after a heavy session with E. I read a report online that described it as a sort of ‘pressure in the head’. My head feels really tense and I feel dizzy for a few seconds, then it goes away, then comes back 15 or so seconds later. This continues for up to ten minutes, but usually only a couple, then dissapears, only to return a few hours later, or when I stand up quickly, or sit down quickly , or sometimes when I lay down. I’m going to the doctors Thursday, to get some sleeping tablets to help with the insomnia. But I guess the pressure thing is just a sign that I’ve had too much. A warning sign ? Fair enough, I can accept this.

Despite the insomnia, mild depression and some paranoia lasting 3 or 4 days after heavy sessions, I’m not really that worried about my ecstasy use. In fact, it’s a strong possibility that the insomnia and depression could just be after-effects of an operation I had about 5 months ago, I haven’t been right since then. I’ve lost a little weight too, I’m 9 stone now, but this could also be the result of the operation, I lost a lot of weight after it, though I will admit that the ecstasy probably hasn’t helped me gain it back!

All in all, I don’t think ecstasy is significantly damaging my life. My relationship with my parents and family is fine. I’ve met loads of new cool people because of ecstasy. It’s turned me from being a shy-stoner who wouldn’t leave his house much, into a person that loves going out at weekends and meeting some new people. I still have my non-E using friends, even if they are ‘stoners’ who don’t like going out much. I still hang with them and see them during the week and sometimes at weekends. I know they are my best friends who know me best and care the most about me. I wouldn’t want to lose that…. ever.

So many benefits have come from my ecstasy use, that the negative effects don’t really seem that bad in comparison. So, I’m slightly depressed on comedowns and I do get paranoid, but this doesn’t last forever! Doesn’t everyone get a little down sometimes anyway?

Ecstasy is still the best!

Exp Year: 2002	ExpID: 19735
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Dec 19, 2002	Views: 11,361
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MDMA (3) : Glowing Experiences (4), Post Trip Problems (8), Retrospective / Summary (11), Unknown Context (20)