Citation: Mesqualero. "Absolute Disaster, But Worth It: An Experience with LSD (exp20224)". Erowid.org. Oct 4, 2005. erowid.org/exp/20224
||(blotter / tab)
It has been three years since this event happened but most of it is so sharply ingrained on my psyche that I can never possibly forget.
The blotters were called 'Fat Freddy' or 'Fat Freddies Cat', and just by looking at them you could tell they were going to be interesting. One side had a white background with fat freddy and stars in red ink and the other side was part of larger picture which only the coolest of the cool would ever get to see. I considered myself an experienced psychonaut. My dealer specifically warned me and my friend, whom I will refer to as 'B', to go very easy with these trips she suggested we eat 1/4 of the blotter to start off with. But as soon as she handed the trips over 'B' popped his in his mouth straight away. I looked at him incredulously and laughed nervously, saying
'I can't believe you did that, now Im going to have to eat mine soon to be on the same wavelength'. Straight away I could tell we were in for an interesting night.
We got in my car and drove around town looking for the house where we were supposed to meet up with a girl 'K' (who I thought I was in love with, who also enjoyed fucking me around) who was going to trip with us. After 30 minutes of not being able to find the house we gave up. 'B' was becoming insistent urging me to drop the Tab before we got out of synch, I grudgingly popped the tab in my mouth. It had no taste.. and after 5 minutes I started to feel the initial anxiety/tense buzziness alot earlier than I was hoping for. We decided to try make it home before it came on too hard. Believe it or not only 10 minutes after dropping the Tab it became too risky to drive and we decided to park the car at a friends house and walk to the place 'K' was supposed to be.
*Note: Mistake Number 1, The town I was staying in has VERY bad vibes at night and is not the place for heavy tripping*
We started to walk and all around us was very quiet, it seemed that wherever we walked everything went dead silent and that everywhere in front of us was DARKNESS and every where behind us, being created by us was LIGHT. I felt like we were two angels stranded here on earth and that we had always been like this. At the time we were both very interested in the Dark Arts, Magick, Vampirism, Golden Dawn and we were discussing this as we walked. *Possible Mistake* Around us lightposts were bending and twisting, coiling... we could see waves in the fabric of reality the road was like a rolling sea of asphalt. We were generally feeling good at this point the acid was strong but no unbearable.
[1 hour into it]
As we walked past some houses still on the way to find 'K' but realising that it was a waste of time. I thought I could hear the people sitting on their balconies talking about us and making fun of us, people who drove past seemed to stare and shout out things to us as if we had a big sign on our heads saying 'look at these hopeless trippers' I started to feel sad and angry at the same I felt the emptiness of my city... the total negativity and it began to eat away at me. I started wringing my hands over and over clenching and unclenching my fists saying 'Stupid fucking humans, worthless fucking scum'. It was about this point in time that I walked through (80% sure I did anyway) a massive Golden Orb Weaver Spider Web and had the sensation of being bitten two-three times on the face. I screamed and started pulling bits of web and trying to brush whatever had bitten me off my body. I was screaming 'Ive been bitten oh fuck maan' and 'B' just said 'stop freaking out man your just tripping, nothing bit you'. All he saw was me pulling bits of nothing out of my face. Well whether it was the spiders venom or the surge of adrenalin from being bitten I'm not sure but it set me off big time.
All I could feel now was emanations of pure hate overcome me. I felt like I was channeling an entity (Read below for the story of the entity), an entity that totally disliked humans and earth (gaia). We decided to try and make it back to my house before anything bad happened I was constantly saying 'fuck, FUCK stupid fucking humans' 'I swear im going to kill someone'.
*From this point on I am only explaining what happened from my perception, alot of the following may be hard for people to believe in actuality. It is also quite a fragmented story so sorry about that*
I had to get away from 'B' because I seriously thought I was going to kill him. I RAN, I ran so fast and so far that the world seemed to blur and my legs were moving of their own accord. I remember vomiting as I ran but I didnt care I just spat the remains of my vomit away and kept running. When I stopped it felt like wind whoooooshed up to catch up with me it felt like the whole world had to catch up to me. I swear I ran at least 2 kilomtres in less than 2 minutes. This is where I can hardly remember anything. I remember sitting under a lamp post screaming, 'please god fucking help me I'm going to kill someone or kill myself, Jesus Christ!!' (Im not anywhere near christian btw nor are my family though I WAS deeply interested in PRE christian mythology about Angels, Annunakai, Nephilim etc.) I had the feeling that I was the chosen one, that I was the vessel through which Armageddon would arrive, all the votes from all the conciousness in existence were being tallied through me, Continue creation?? Or destroy everything?? And when the votes were tallied I would be the one to SING the sum of creation out of existence if neccessary.. It sounds outrageous but if you can imagine the pressure and the alienation you would feel if you were given such a task then you would understand.
*After this I became completely overwhelmed by the Entity and do not remember the next 30 minutes*
The next thing I remember is me walking without a shirt down the middle of the main road (in winter) with both hands in the 'fuck you' position shouting 'I am the fucking end of creation you are all going to die you fucks, I am god, I am satan, I am something inconceivable'
*another piece of lost time*
I remember walking off the road onto the sidewalk and I can hear sirens and I see the flash of blue and red. I suddenly have a flash of sanity and I say 'oh fuck' quietly. A cop gets out of the car and shines his torch in my eye as another cop car pulls up behind him.. I say 'oh fuck' a bit louder this time and the cop hears me and says 'Thats right mate, 'Oh Fuck' you've had your fun for the night don't you think?' There are now four large policeman approaching me with Torches flashing my eyes.
*This next part is extremely fragmented and probably didnt really happen*
I remember a group of policeman surrounding me as I scream something to the effect of
'I am something for which your insignificant little minds have no capabilities of understanding, I am all of creation I am SATAN I am GOD and because of Humanity I am going to destroy you all you fucking filllllthy fucking huuuumaaaaahhnns...I am going to fucking kill you alll!! 170,000 years on this earth this fuckin wretched planet'
In my mind I could see the police cars rising off the ground slightly... I felt like I was floating above the ground and small objects were flying around me. I was emanating tremendous kinetic energies. As the police discussed what the hell they were going to do with me I could hear what they they were thinking, the fear in their minds that they were witnessing something incomprehensible, that they should call the army.. anyone. I was answering their questions before they asked them. I told them that there was nothing they could do to me because the world would very soon come to an end, the votes were still tallying inside me but I could feel the end coming on...it would all be over sooon.
I am now on the ground, A large police officer has his knee in between my shoulder blades while another one is holding down my legs. They are asking me if I committed various crimes around the neighbourhood 'what did you do at such and such... why did you break their letterbox?? Did you steal this car? did you piss on this guys lawn' some ludicrous bullshit and Im saying 'How the fuck should I know.' My arms are handcuffed beside me. I am screaming 'Someone please fucking help me' because there are wasps and Ants crawling in and out of my mouth stinging me.. there are two voices coming from my mouth. One very scared sounding ME, the regular me, and a very deep growling voice that is the voice of the Entity gnashing and growling and reciting ancient prophecies in a different language. The pain from the wasps bites is so bad that I have to chew at the grass so I dont bite my tongue off... meanwhile the entity is making my voice growl like an animal very real very, scary kind of growl.
As I am screaming 'help me' the police man is very worried for me and says 'mate I'm trying to help you what have you taken??', The entity takes over and says in that growly voice 'Elllll Essssssss Deeeeeeeee' and does an evil laugh and starts spitting. An ambulance arrives and the paramedic flashes his light in my eyes and says 'nup hes gone' and injects me with (what I think was) 30ml of valium they wait and the entity still struggles against the police.. another shot and I'm out.
In the ambulance all I can remember is that I said 'hello bob' to the paramedic because I still believed I had amazing psychic powers. I wake up and I am in a small concrete room I am chained to a chair I am watching myself but I'm not really in control of my body, the entity has control. Surrounding me are high ranking military personnel in front of me is an Intelligence Officer, Flying Officer, Ackland. He is questioning me about secret military codes, locations of secret installations, my knowledge of interdimensional travel and of secret technologies... the entity answers them in that sophisticated superior growl.. Having decided that I am a threat to the security of earth they decide to launch me into the sun in a nuclear missile. I am in a sealed cubicle made out of some kind of bone-coloured Carbon Fibre material there doesnt appear to be any seams, very strong it is just bigger than a coffin, there are strange symbols and diagrams inside it... there is an alarm going off and a countdown... I can hear the tallies for the end of the world counting down... almost in sync with the rocket launch count down. The count down loops and loops for the remainder of the night... Destroy/Create/Destroy/Create forever
I wake up again and I am in the hospital arms handcuffed behind me two security guards on a 24 hour vigil making sure I dont run away. I look at my clothes and shoes on the floor they see me looking and fold their arms and puff up... I laugh and say 'rightio then'. As soon as they see I'm awake a nurse comes with a huge needle/syringe and I squirm away and say 'holy fuck!' and she grabs my arm and says 'thats right, holy fuck' and injects me, she looks at me like 'you fucking little tripper'. Dad comes he has a sad look in his eye. I say sorry and that I love him, and I look at my arm and pull out an IV line and blood starts to spurt out and I say 'oh no' but when he looks at my arm and says 'what??' it stops.. I say 'oh dont worry you dont want to know'
Thats it..all I had to do then was sign out and I was fine. The Ambulance cost $180, I had severe rash marks and bite marks all over my body. Two bite marks that could have been a spider bite on my face and my neck.
I still use psychedelics and it has taken me AGES to integrate what happened. I'm sorry if it is too jumbled to understand.. there was no easy way to explain what happened. One of the only Level 5 trips I have had, the others being 5-Me0-DMT and Salvia.
*The following is the information I received from the entity and why it was so angry*
The Entities Story
Now the information was becoming clearer from this 'entity' I was receiving/becoming. I/this Entity was once the SUM AWARENESS of a vast amount of time/space. This Awareness was one of a group of Awarenesses which together formed the AWARENESS OF CREATION (what some people call GOD). This entity, at the beginning of all creation, had seen that sometime in the distant future, Earth would host a civilsation that would develop such advanced technology it would threaten the very fabric of the universe. This entity so loved its part of creation that it couldnt bear to lose anything and decided to try to destroy the Earth.
So this entity went to the Earth and attempted to seduce Her so that he could bind her power to him and control earth's destiny, the Earth spirit was enamoured and agreed to sexual union with the entity (celestial beings have sex too, though on a much different level than we can understand). As this was happening the Awareness who was overlord of Earth (My girlfriend 'K') and a good friend of the entities stepped in and alerted the other Awarenesses as to what was happening. Together as CREATION they decided that what the entity was trying to do was against the law of Creation and banished him to the earth to incarnate as a human being until the end of creation. Little did I know that all awarenesses will incarnate on earth before long...
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