Citation: Jennifer Blue. "Out of Control: An Experience with Ecstasy (exp2024)". Erowid.org. Jun 22, 2000. erowid.org/exp/2024
||(pill / tablet)
Before the experience I am about to speak of, I had taken ecstasy once before. Though my after-effects were annoying (couldn't sleep, racing heartbeat), the experience had been a good one and definitely encouraged me to try it again.
It was a Friday night and I was drinking heavily in a dorm room with some friends. My ex-boyfriend (we had been together three years and had only recently broken up) walked in the room and we had a huge fight, ending in him leaving in a huff. I began to bawl, the alcohol only adding to the sadness, when one of my friends took me out of the room and to a party down the street to 'make me feel better.' He bought some pills and handed me a small green pill. I wouldn't have taken if I was sober, but I was very intoxicated and just popped it.
We went into the party and chilled for a while. I was feeling fine until about thirty minutes later, when suddenly I became extremely dizzy and my vision started changing, as if I was looking through the wrong side of prescription glasses. I grabbed my friend and told him this, and he just sat me down and got me some water. Just as I sat down, something snapped in my system and the world turned into fast motion. I lost all control over my body and started to run through the house and down the street, screaming at the top of my lungs. I honestly thought I was going to die -- my vision was blurry; I couldn't understand anything anyone was saying to me; the world was spinning and I couldn't stop running or screaming. Everyone from the party was grabbing onto to me, trying to get me to stop, but I couldn't. I felt as if I had the 'flight or fight' syndrome and I began to get very violent, punching people right and left, hitting myself, falling on the hard cement, bruising and cutting myself. My friend was trying to restrain me and in the back of my mind, I heard his voice telling me I wasn't going to die, that I would be okay. But I couldn't stop. At one point, I ran from everyone and collapsed in the bathroom. I began to convulse and had some sort of minor seizure and ripped everything down from the bathroom wall. Finally, my friend managed to hold onto me (I am a small girl -- 5'4, not even a 100 pounds, but my strength that night was enormous) and take me to another friend's apartment, away from the chaos.
I instantly calmed and the good part of the drug kicked in. My body felt like a soft electric current was running through it. Blood was gushing from legs where I had fallen and cut myself, but I only felt love for everyone. My friend eventually took me back to his apartment, where I immediately fell asleep.
I don't think I will try ecstasy again. I realize there were a lot of factors involved in my horror story -- alcohol, high emotions . . . but it scared me into thinking I need to be without substances in my body for a while.
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