Citation: Q. "God is Impersonal Evolution: An Experience with 5-MeO-AMT, Cannabis, & Ecstasy (exp20372)". Erowid.org. Jan 12, 2003. erowid.org/exp/20372
A fictional account on ingesting 5MeOAMT, Cannabis and E.
Setting: Home, 4pm Saturday afternoon, together with a friend.
Set: Mind at peace, nowhere near anxious about ingesting anything, prepared for the experience. Recently used only cannabis, 2 days beforehand and a week before, after more than 2 months of abstaining from it.
T+0 - 5mg 5MeOAMT
T+3-4h – 2 joints
T+12h – 1 joint
T+13h – 1 E pill (marked B.L.)
Let me start by saying that this was an extraordinary 5MeOAMT experience, nothing like what I’ve had before w/ this substance, but I must note that I (almost) never used together with Cannabis. I would recommend 5MeOAMT in this combo and have in mind that I would have not recommended it really, before this happened.
A note on 5MeOAMT:
Well, this is quite a weird substance. My first experiences with it were more psychedelic, then they progressed more to a ‘mental speed’ kind of high, long lasting w/ less insight and quite a bit of depersonalization. Visuals appeared here and there, but they were definitely most apparent on my first trip, when I had an unknown dose which I’d approximate around 15-20mg (leftovers from the baggie it was packed in).
It can be quite heavy on the body within the first 2h, but usually after the first 1h30m mark all nausea has slipped and the experience is really beginning to unfold. I’ve gone from virtually no nausea to puking 2-3 times on it and the nausea factor is largely established by the dose- and of course, what you have recently eaten and how long ago it was.
Also, the bliss/ecstasy/grace I’ve felt on other psychedelics is largely missing here. Someone told me that this property of the substance unfolds around the 40mg point, which I would seriously not recommend doing without carefulness!!!
Still, it’s an interesting high, but a high I imagine psychedelic connoisseurs will not approve, especially if they have access to ‘better’ psychedelics.
Well, having said that, let me tell you what made me respect 5MeOAMT VERY much! ;)
20 minutes before the experience we down 2x50mg Dramamine pills, to help with nausea.
We both down approx. 5mg 5MeOAMT each, dissolved in very little ice tea, to help the taste – which it definitely does, taste is almost untraceable.
We both feel the alerts, very subtle visual distortions etc.
My friend, whom I will refer with L later on, who ate a donut after ingesting the 5MeOAMT, gets quite sick and goes to puke.
L is having a rough time with her stomach, she had to puke about 6-7 times total. I puked only once and didn’t have any major nausea trouble. Sitting on a chair w/ back up helps with this, while lying on the bed definitely brings on more nausea!
T+1:45 – By now most of the physical discomfort is gone and we’re discussing our experience. I still haven’t been hit particulary, but L is getting visual phenomena from time to time. I feel it coming on.
We are discussing various things, listening to music, ranging from FSOL to Boards of Canada to Underworld. I put a dubbed out ambient psychedelic mix I did, featuring tracks from the likes of Global Communication, Bola, FSOL, Tuxedomoon, Primal Scream, etc.
We’re considering going out to fetch something to eat and decide we’re smoking a joint before that. For the next 30mins I’m drying the dope, since it wasn’t fully dry and am rolling the joint. So far, the experience is nice, a little detached a lil’ psychedelic, fine, but nothing special for me. L is getting it more & more visual, tho’.
We smoke the joint. Within the first two drags, I exclaim “NOW, I’m there!” as time slows down and I watch the smoke rising from my mouth and swirling around me slowly. The weed turns out to be quite good and we’re having a blast. I am getting thoroughly psychedelic. The trip level goes somewhere around +++, still not totally immersed but slowly sinking into a blissful psychedelic state of mind. We are both overjoyed by the way a lil’ weed changed our experience altogether for the better! We laugh and feel great. We compare our states and find we’re totally into it. I feel great to be back to this state, I’ve missed it much.
We go out to get some rizlas and some fruit yoghurt. Outside was hilarious – it was interesting navigating around in such a state. No paranoia at all, highly amusing.
We get back. The fruit yoghurt tastes supreme!!
Amazed as we are, we decide that if we can roll another J, we are in a state to smoke it!
So we do. During this half hour, we are totally loosing it in various ways. Music starts to take several different meanings simultaneously. I feel immersed into it, like into an archetypal story, feelings and moods soar past’n’thru my head’n’mind and crash like waves into me. Everything I play through the computer I run through a series of effects on my soundcard, to give it a lil’ different edge and I play around w/ the controls for a while. Immensely interesting, I can see how I would loose myself for hours on end with this kinda virtual knob-twiddling.
For me, the first highlight was a quite spontaneous breakdown of my ego, losing myself in a song of mine. I decided to play my latest tune to L, a downtempo dubby track & I play it straight from Logic Audio. We sit and watch the automated knobs moving about in the graphic mixer and get totally immersed into the heavy subliminal sound. As 4 minutes pass and the tune breaks down, I cannot believe what happened to me there. I truly wasn’t expecting something like this from this material.
I go in a highly visual trip. Looking at a beer mug filled w/ water, the light crashing about, I see a vision of an eye superimposed on it. Light goes weirdly 3D and I sit and meditate. We both turn in totally inwards experiences, closed eyes, solo.
My next highlight of that evening, with closed eyes, surfing in what seemed like an infinite 3D graphic representation of my neurolinguistic pathways. I was blown away by this. Finally where I wanted to be and I totally didn’t expect to end up this time.
I am very keen to elaborate on my thought line here, I found it be a very rewarding experience, allowing me to reexperience, reevaluate and integrate what I’ve been reading about & learning the past few months, about consciousness, the mind & the Universe.
I was sitting in a space free of time and started having a wonderful mental conversation with myself about what I was experiencing. I was reevaluating my previous beliefs, from hyperspace entities to the possibilities of creatures from extra dimensions, dimensions of thought/ideas. I was wondering why did I take up such beliefs? I highly suspected it was because I was exposed to these ideas. Yet, there was this element, a feeling of ‘Otherness’ which backed it all up.
I decided that I was very aware of my communication with the Universe around me – a set which felt separate from me, alien – Other. I was pondering whether I was communicating with a conscious Universe? Granted, the rest of the Universe seemed ‘aware of me’ to the extent that it responded to my actions, but was it conscious? Or was it all my mind?
This led me to a series of questions:
Are we humans the only beings we know of, which are capable of consciousness?
Since we don’t have any evidence of consciousness without a body/brain/mind, and we know all our perception is created by our mind, I decided I was really communicating with my mind.
I didn’t find this strange at all – the mind is capable of performing a variety of tricks and illusions, which are quite fascinating to observe.
I could feel my previous ‘hyperdimensional entity’ mumbo-jumbo assumptions slowly disintegrate – and their visual representations morphing into neutral shapes. I could feel a sort of internal resistance in doing this, but it became less and less noticeable with time.
Further on, I was contemplating ‘the nature of consciousness’. I drew the analogy of being conscious of something, to an information based process which is asking a question about something and getting the answer.
Consider an amoeba (system) – when it moves, it is essentially ‘asking the environment’ – “Is there something (problematic) in my way?”. If the cell membranes hit something, the whole system is informed about it – this way or the other – and the amoeba acts upon this ‘realization’.
Still, I would hardly dub an amoeba conscious – but maybe this was cell consciousness, I thought?
Analyzing different things, I decided that consciousness might be defined as a function of knowledge – being aware of something, knowing something.
Still, to know something, be aware of it (or recognize it) a system must have some kind of a memory.
This made sense – amoebas (cells) have memory which is provided by the DNA tape-code. This small, yet immensely diverse information chain of molecules carries the memory of generations of lifeforms – these are ‘memories’ selected by the “Invisible Hand” of the process of evolution. They are memories on how to act in order to survive in certain situations.
So, it was not very wrong, I thought, to label cells/amoebas conscious. They have memory and since consciousness is a function of memory, cells are conscious – but with this primeval consciousness, lesser and totally different from our human conscious experience.
I analyzed, or one might say “lived up”, the process of cell evolution into complex system which sustain more and more memory – which ultimately gave rise to a neural network, which gave rise to conscious experience as we humans know it.
It seemed blatantly obvious: the more complex the memory storage of the system, the more vital consciousness properties it has. Once the system reaches a complexity where the information stored in its memories start looping back through the system, self awareness is made possible. Having in mind the synaesthetical nature of our perception, of how the brain works, human consciousness clicked into place.
A vast network of neurons, acting to store information which is available to (most of) the distinct subnetworks of the system – that is to say, a network which displays synaesthetical capability – grew to be so complex in size and computational power that the information stored and generated by this network looped back and forth through it and gave rise to self-conscious experience.
Why not? The subnetwork in charge of perception got flooded with information from other subnetworks and thus made it perceive the existence of the rest of the brain/mind – it made it perceive the other programs in the system, in charge of stuff such as hunger, thirst, sex, pleasure, excretion of urine/feces, interspecies communication, etc. etc. etc. (Note: all of these were/are valid neural network programs, as can be seen in the rest of the animal world – they exist without self-awareness)
So, I decided, our level of self aware conscious experience is determined by the complexity of what and how we know – how much memory we have and in which way is it ‘wired’ to be stored within our system.
I considered this mental action which was swirling round my mind. I was aware that this was fuelled by what I once skimmed through at places such as The Deoxyribonucleic Hyperdimension (deoxy.org). I didn’t fully understand, neither I could recall all those Lilly/Leary/Wilson levels of consciousness, octaves of energy and whatnot, but it seemed evident that I was on to the same thing!
With this in mind, I reevaluated my previous ‘hyperdimensional entities’ gobbledegook – when I first experienced it, I didn’t really pay much attention to it. Later on, as I re-stumbled upon and more consciously explored on all the information on the ‘hyperdimensional contact trips’, combined with my explorations and matching my previously not much heeded experience – I “found myself at home” with the interpretation and took it to be quite true. But!!! (and it’s a big BUT), before I even had the first experience of those phenomena, back when I had no label for it, I had read some of those reports. I read them, they slipped past my conscious mind – that is to say, I couldn’t recall what were those texts really about (mainly due to lack of experience), but all of that stayed in my unconscious memory. When I experienced that stuff, although I had no label for it back then – and then reread all of the accounts and reexperienced it – it clicked within me.
I noticed the same pattern of recognition with both the maps of consciousness and the hyperdimensional lifeforms. I first somehow fed my mind with that info – forgot it - and later on it surfaced and was recognized – even more, it was recognized as ‘authentic’.
Geez! Talk about tricks of the mind!!!
Can the Universe be called conscious, I pondered? I was thinking that this answer would be more of a definition issue. On one hand, the Universe IS a vast network of complex information bouncing through time-space, on the other hand ‘real consciousness’ is observed only in the smaller, much more complex subsets of the Universe. Is the Universe conscious, is only a part of it conscious or both?
The whole Universe, I decided – is not conscious (and oh, I wish it is :) The fundamental laws which govern how the Universe acts as a system simply don’t give any credibility that the whole of it is conscious.
Subsets within it however, have arisen in complexity so much, that they ARE conscious.
These conscious subsets or subsystems within the Universe are a result of layers and layers of complexity which has arisen only by using the fundamental laws of the Universe.
However, they give rise to another observable process – the process of evolution. This process of trial and error, which works on an atomic/molecular level, rises on to affect on a higher level the systems within which it works. So, it serves to introduce novelty on all levels within the Universe. And by this process, matter has organized itself into systems of such complexity that it can be called “conscious” and its actions, by some people, “spiritual”.
Again, it was blatantly obvious that consciousness does not give rise to matter, but vice versa. Evolution has managed to wrap up systems of matter which are able to ‘outperform’ in complexity, the fundamental systems of processes that shape the Universe. Physical reality gives rise to “spiritual reality” – or rather, the mass hallucination we experience as culture. However, in my mind, I wasn’t making the mistake of the cause and effect in their relationship. It was fairly obvious that, if “spirit” requires consciousness, it requires matter. It seems silly to talk about consciousness without matter to support it, however wishful thinking on the subject we are.
In a pantheistic manner, I decide “God is evolution”. The Universe is evolution.
Still, I examine that this process of evolution, as well as the fundamental laws of the Universe, carry no personal attributes. They are impersonal, unconscious acts.
For them to be personal (or conscious) a system of MUCH HIGHER complexity would be needed at the core of it all. At least at the time, no evidence as such is known (to me). It boils down to a bunch of simple enough equations to describe most of it – even with this in mind tho, I was aware of the way the idea of “Cosmic Love” appealed to me and still does :)
So, “God is impersonal evolution”, I decide.
And thank God, for you readers at least ;) somewhere around this time the phone started ringing and I made plans to go out tonite and nothing much more worthy of reporting was experienced.
I chilled out for a short while with music on, enjoying my mind state which was still highly active, sometimes loosing short term memory.
I then proceeded to a friends place and had some coffee. I was mostly back to baseline, in therms of social mind/body functioning. I was very tired, tho’ – the coffee helped a bit.
I stayed up quite long into the nite. When I finally returned home I felt very relaxed, napped for 15 minutes and smoked a joint.
The mental activity came rushing back, but with very diminished force, because of my weariness. I enjoyed some music, felt drifting in and out of my mind and this helped me regain some strength and I decided I was going to drop some weak E pill which I had.
The E effects were observable within 45 minutes or so – I felt very pleasant. It gave me a good deal of energy and I was back into a state in which I could easily access my previous insights. This helped me a lot in remembering them and taking them back to baseline reality – I enjoyed the music and briefly reexperienced and memorized more of my previous thoughts.
I logged on to the Net and had a specially nice chat with an IRC friend at the time, too.
Soon, I began to experience the first symptoms of the E crashdown. I lay in my bed once again, drifting in and out of consciousness. This helped me minimalize their perceived effects and soon enough I fell asleep – which I think was the best way to end the trip.
I woke up early in the morning, with a replenished serotonin supply in my brain :))) and was very satisfied with the whole experience.
I didn’t expect such insights and given some of the shit that was happening to me not too recently before the trip, the whole experience was a massive driving force for me.
It pushed me into new waters to explore and made me integrate what I already knew.
I am quite sure it sparked off a major spiritual experience a week and half later, too: only on dope, on a long train ride – reading a special issue of Scientific American, “The once and future Cosmos”. But that is another story ;)
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Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.