Citation: HopeLives. "Watch Out for the Black Ice: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp20470)". Erowid.org. Nov 16, 2005. erowid.org/exp/20470
It's kinda odd that I'm up at eight in the morning and I'm alone. When I say alone I mean I'm not with my girlfriend...Tina. I don't know if its only where I live, but that is the name we call Crystal Meth. I will only call it Tina because it (the addiction) becomes an entity with whom a user forms a relationship with. I told my friend last night that I haven't had an actual relationship with a girl since I started using about a little over a year ago, and ironically I started right after I stupidly broke up with my loving girlfriend that wouldn't let me try it. My friend is probably my best friend, but ironically he has never tried any chemical drug before. He told me that he completely understood that because every single time a song would come on the radio that was obviously about a relationship, my meth friends and I would always compare it to Tina. I thought about that and knew he was completely right. We had been talking about this because he was telling me about his best friend that turned schizophrenic because of drugs. My friend lets me do what I want, but it hurts him to see me like this. My addiction is as bad as anyone elses on this board. True, I refuse to shoot it and true, I have never ODed, but I'm just not to that point yet.
I am 20 years old and I have been using for like I said a year give or take a few months, I did quit for three months with absolutely no problem, with a catch. I randomly moved to Miami for a while where I was never able to find it. Miami is a cocaine city, and like I always say about that, even though it technically doesn't make any sense (probably because I made it up while I was binging) why pet the chihuahua when you can chill with rotweiler. My body didn't physically need it as I had always known. I came back to my city and the first time I hung out with one of my best friends a week later, I was doing it again. That was unfortunate because he was the only friend I still had because all of my close friends turned on another, went into a half-way house, jail, or just plain crazy. I had heard all of these stories while I was gone and I could not believe that that wasn't enough for my one friend to stop, but there I was doing it with him again. The worst part about it was I was the one that got almost all of the started because it was a way to get fucked up after we all had ridiculously high tolerances to exctasy.
I think the best way for me to relay the strange trip from normal everyday potsmoking good student to demented, evil lunatic, or at least at times that's how I feel.
Late June, 2001: I wanted to do some ecstasy randomly one day so I called my friend that I knew went to raves. I had only rolled twice before with long intervals between them so I thought it was OK so we went. It was one of the best days of my life. It was me and my girlfriend and my two best friends. Let me say this, raves are evil blackholes that 'can' suck anyone into its culture and spit you out into your everyday life with only an addiction as an everyday reminder of their evilness.
Early July: Only a few days later I went to another rave only to buy more rolls, given I did buy a fake one only to buy another one later that was really shitty.
August: After two intense months of rolling I foung myself actually writing a check for my sixth roll of the night/morning. Ridiculous Huh?
September: Sometime during this month I broke up with my girlfriend and took acid for the first time and after still being up the next day I went to a rave the next night and took shrooms for the first time. Those were both decent crazy experiences in their own rights but nothing I felt like doing again anytime soon. I took three rolls at a party and didn't feel a thing when my friend took half of one of the same kind and rolled for six hours very hard. After realizing the ridiculous tolerance I had built I stopped wasting my money and since I breakdance was able to party sober and have fun. So much fun I even started going by myself when no one would go with me.
November: I sniffed pure evil for the first time and didn't know it. I did half a quarter gram at home by myself and it lasted my all day.
December: Started doing a little more peaking when I stayed up from Christmas Day to New Years Day. That was by far and still is a personal record but I built a tolerance that week.
First week of March, 2002: I moved to Miami. I had been staying up at least 4 nonconsecutive days each week for two months and had two weekly meth parties every weekend at my duplex where we would meet at a rave, go in for about an hour and take about 6-20 people to my place and stay up all night sharing all our bags of meth.
June: I came back to my home only to start doing it again within a week. Me and my friend and a new friend we made would split about a quarter gram every two weeks or so.
September: I got back in touch with an old friend with a ridiculously cheap hook up that made getting it easier because to this day I have only once not been able to get it only because he was asleep. He is such a good friend that he will front it to me (only for personal, I'm not a drug dealer) or even hook it up if I've only got 10 bucks to spend. Keep in mind he is and always will be a friend first and dealer second. That is one reason it is hard to quit because I'm such good friends with my dealer.
January 2003: I'm doing it more that ever now and have lost all of friends I had when I started or their parents won't let them hang out with me. I realized I had been up for a week with a nap and a meal somewhere in the middle. I let a girl that I really like try it and unfortunately when she finally went to sleep, she woke up wanting more. I AM NOT going to let her do it again. She has too much going for her with a 4.0 in college. I am fortunate enough to still be in college by the way. I unlike many still have a lot going for me despite my addiction and I related that to my strong faith in God. That has always been the root of my soul that cannot be changed thus causing my personality to not change as most regular users I know.
I'm going to leave you with this, I quit telling anyone I am ever going to quit a long time ago because I hate looking and feeling stupid when inevitably I fail, but I had an experience two nights ago that is going to make me at least try to quit now. I have a habit of picking at pimples on my face for up to hours literally until they cause week long disasters on my face. I had one on the corner of my ear where it connects to my head on the bottom. I fucked with it until it had become swollen and had a large bubble of fluid built up in my earlobe and under my skin about an inch in diameter on the side of my face. I messed with that for a while until I lost touch of the reality of what I was doing. At some point I forgot that this was fluid and moved it around until I literally thought there was a live insect or worm under my skin. I started hyperventilating and thought I was going to die. I woke up my roommate (my good friend from the first paragraph). He looked at me like I was crazy. I really scared him. I told him to take me to the hospital. He told me not to touch it and to just breathe for a minute. After a few failed attempts to prove it to him I realized he was right and I stopped fooling with it and just stood there realizing what a sketchball I was. True I continued touching it for three hours after he went back to sleep but I realized it was not an animal. I then slept for almost twenty four hours and here I am.
If any of you are trying to quit like me, don't give up. I just quit cigarettes and I thought I would never be able to do that. And as I expected after doing some research, nicotine is more addictive than meth, the only reason people don't kill for it is because the can go buy it at the store. So there is hope. If you have just started or are thinking about it don't do it. Anyone that tells you it isn't addictive, or it is not addictive is lying to you. It is PURE EVIL and remember that.
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