Citation: Erica.Smerica. "Infinity has no Color: An Experience with LSD & MDMA (exp20716)". Erowid.org. Jan 24, 2003. erowid.org/exp/20716
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My partner and I were traveling through the southwestern States, camping in magical forests, deserts, mountain ranges and near beaches. We were each exploring ourselves and our own minds, both independently but also together. On this particular afternoon we were setting up camp in the Valley of Fire, which is located just about 40 minutes outside of Las Vegas, NM. It was about 110 degrees outside and the sun was shining brightly overhead, but by the time we arrived and set up our gear the sun was saying goodbye and dusk was falling upon us. I was looking very forward to this combination since I had quite a bit of experience with both LSD and MDMA separately but had never taken the two together. We finished setting up our gear and took the LSD before the sun had set completely, seeing as it was a bit longer lasting than the MDMA.
We had the perfect camping spot. There was no one else around us and we were off the road a ways, hidden from late arriving site prospectors. We also had a terrific blood red sandstone wall to hide us, which had a roomy hole that had been formed by the wind and was large enough for us to spread out our sleeping bag and put a boom box into it. We could lay up there comfortably, just high enough to be a ways from the ground, and watch the stars and sip our hot tea.
The rock was still warm from the afternoon sun and although my environment felt perfect my body did not. About one hour after ingesting the LSD, I felt a strong urge to vomit. I have been nauseous from LSD before, but had never thrown up. This vacation had been rather hard on my body; I was biking and hiking even more than usual, living on only granola and fruit and exploring the realities of the psychedelic world once every few days – after all, it was vacation. Actually, I think it was the tea on an empty stomach that pushed me over the edge because after I rid my stomach of it I felt so much better.
I was clearly feeling the effects of the LSD. My body produced an internal vibrating sensation and the stars were entertaining me with their dances above my head. The sky was particularly clear, just as I remembered previous overnight stays in the Valley. Because we were in a valley the city lights from Vegas did not pollute the sky. My partner, who always notices the effect of a psychedelic much sooner than I, suggested we take the MDMA, so that we did. Several feet above the ground, lying in our warm cubby carved in stone and listening to Radiohead’s Kid A I could not have been more content.
LSD seems to penetrate every particle that composes the Erica as I know her. I cannot direct or control the effects of this material, nor do I wish to be able to do so. In fact, I choose not to experiment with LSD very often because it is so powerful that I need quite a bit of time between takes to truly incorporate my experience into daily life. By the time the MDMA began to show itself to me, I was already at a plus three but still felt the presence of my body. My inner thinker was still thinking and I felt somewhat uncomfortable in my body and was unsure of where this trip was heading. A state of total relaxation was a bit difficult to achieve because of this, and my partner and I were distant in mind as he was floored from this combination several minutes before me. So, I just accepted my thinker and went with the thoughts rather than dwell on the fact that they kept creeping in.
About 40 minutes after taking the MDMA the effects were fully noticeable and I was quickly leaving my body behind. In fact, there was no longer a thinker to turn off, nor was there even an Erica to experience the thinker. I had now become one of those stars that I was so actively watching, and I was dancing high above what we know of as Earth, with other strange sources of energy that felt calm but electric. I was fortunate enough to be at a plus four by this point; my human body had dissolved into pure existence. Each and every particle that makes up who I am had separated and defined itself in the world, it was as if my particles were now those same stars I was enjoying earlier. I could literally see each particle, millions of them independent of one another, glowing and revolving around one another. The MDMA brought on a cornucopia of emotions, feelings of oneness, love, joy, bliss, contentment, and peace.
The other energies surrounding me were sharing these feelings with me and also seemed to be interacting with my particles. I suppose the only way to describe this interaction would be to say that my physical had eluded my mental, and was left behind in the red stone wall, leaving my mind to wander freely throughout the universe and its various dimensions of time and space. Through this separation of mind and body I was able to interact with other minds and exchange information and knowledge, not of any particular topic per se, but rather some sort of universal knowledge that I would not fully understand at this juncture in my life. However, it all seemed to make perfect sense to me while I was experiencing this exchange, and even now I do not question what was so intimately shared with me. As Radiohead so eloquently put it, everything was in its right place.
As far as the visual world appeared, my particles were white lights, glowing so brightly in the blackness of the night sky. I recall my partner asking, “why is the sky so black”, to which I replied, “because the sky is infinite, and infinity has no color.” Against the black sky I experienced such infinity, a realm where time and space had no meaning and where minds were free to exchange information without encumbrance, where there were no questions to be asked. The whiteness of the energies completed the picture, one in which opposites were inseparable, complementary, and mutually supplanted by each other. Each particle of energy was vibrating slightly and rotating around nearby particles, yet their source could not be specified. Everything belonged to one another, there was no particular identity within the ocean of molecules and it was beyond beautiful. We were not competing to share what we knew with one another, all were free to release information simultaneously with no interference from one another.
As I slowly returned I felt thankful and blessed to have been given such a special experience. It is all too often that I get caught up in my daily rituals only to forget the bigger picture. On a bit of a side note, while my partner and I were both returning to our bodies I noticed something casting a shadow on our rock. I recall thinking, and perhaps even saying aloud, that I saw a mouse but dismissed it since I was tripping.
My partner, however, jumped up and insisted that we relocate because he felt something crawling on his arm and it felt much too large to be a bug. After jumping down from our claimed space in the stone, we were surprised to see that we were sharing it the entire time with a cute little desert mouse. It was scurrying around the rock through various little holes, and hanging out by the fire that we had built earlier. The only concern that I had was that where there are desert mice there are also hungry desert snakes, so we abandoned our hole for the evening and relaxed in the red sand by our fire. The next morning we found that we must have been sharing the space with several mice, as their droppings were scattered throughout smaller spaces beyond where we were lying. Although I did not mind the fact that these curious visitors surrounded me I was happy that none had crawled into our warm sleeping bag, invading my personal space.
This trip reminded me of my place in this universe, which was rather humbling. It further reminded me that my experience of the world is relative to my perspective. I firmly believe that the optimal experience involves freeing myself from slavish commitment to convention, which enables me to then see clearly and act spontaneously and unobtrusively. Thus, life as a human is like perceiving the world through rose colored glasses, and tripping is like removing those glasses and getting a glimpse of the universe for what it truly is. I cannot imagine taking this combination indoors or in public, as it will be reserved only for the most special of occasions.
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