Citation: 10psi-boost. "Stayed with Me After the High: An Experience with Cocaine (exp21524)". Erowid.org. Dec 1, 2005. erowid.org/exp/21524
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I am writing this in the hope that I can help inform curious or current user(s) of the drug Cocaine.
I do not consider myself an 'extreme drug user'. Most of the drugs I have tried I only used once or twice. I do smoke Marijuana just about every day, shroom now and then and will drop a pill of MDMA twice a year or so.
I have experimented with the following drugs: Marijuana, MDMA (ecstasy), Meth (speed), Cocaine, DXM, Mushrooms, Adderall, and Vicodin. All of my drug experiences were very positive and didn't pose much of an addiction. However, not one drug I have done was quite like the unusual experience(s) I had with Cocaine.
The first time I did Cocaine was September of 2002. My drug-source and good friend (let's call him Bob) called me up and said he was on his way to my house. He also asked if he could bring over a friend, let's call him Rob. Also Bob said that he had some 'good stuff' for me to try, I assumed he was talking about Marijuana. When Bob and Rob arrived at my door I could instantly tell something was different about them. Bob looked quite pale and had his jaw locked tightly shut. He also seemed rather edgy, like he was going to snap if I said something wrong. Rob looked like this to some degree also. I first thought they were on Ecstasy and had passed their peak and were now coming down from the drug hard. I soon learned this wasn't the case at all.
I asked Bob if he was feeling alright, I also noticed that he looked pale like a ghost. He told me he had just sampled a line of nearly pure Cocaine from his source 30 minutes away. He then told me he liked it so much he purchased 3.5 grams of it. Rob said that he tried only a bump of the Cocaine on the way to my house and was very impressed. Bob asked me if I wanted to try any, wow. I never thought I would be faced with the decision to do Cocaine, still not sure why but it was a big surprise. Just like most other drugs I have always been curious of Cocaine's effects, but never had the desire to seek it out. This is because I was always told from friends who had tried the drug that it is just a weaker and more expensive form of MDMA. However, I was never a person to turn down a drug and I accepted to try Cocaine for the first time ever.
Bob pulled a tiny bag with a quarter sized ball of the flakey-white Cocaine out of his coat pocket. He took the Cocaine out of the bag and put a very small chunk onto the glass table. Bob then proceeded to cut the chunk with a razor blade until he had a fairly big line in front of me. I had already grabbed a straw from the kitchen and had cut it in half as instructed; now I just waited until the line was prepared. I was soon going to experience Cocaine, and this frightened me. I have heard so much about the drug but still knew very little about its true effects. 'Here goes nothing' I thought.
I took a deep breath. The straw was shaking in my hand as I kneeled forward above the glass. I placed the straw at the start of the line and began to snort. It went into my nose without a problem. After finishing the line I put the straw down and closed my eyes while experiencing a strong and relieving head rush. 'Wow, that wasn't as hard on my nose as I thought it would be' I said after finishing the line. Bob and his friend seemed quite excited by my reaction and began to cut some more for themselves. I sat down and watched my friends cut the Cocaine up, waiting for any noticeable effects. The first thing I noticed was that my throat was becoming very numb and swallowing seemed to take more effort. I was anxious to feel the effects so I asked if I might need another line to get me feeling it. My friends told me the first line was enough and that getting up and moving around would help flow the blood. I was so thirsty and having problems swallowing with my numb throat, so I decided to make a walk to the kitchen.
Right when I entered the kitchen I noticed something very different. My body felt strangely cold and clammy all over, yet my mind and chest felt very warm and almost pulsating with energy. As I filled up a glass of water I noticed very strong and euphoric anticipations of talking to Bob and Rob again, even though it was only a minute since I had seen them last. I can best explain this as the mild emotional-bonding effects of MDMA. Almost out of the kitchen I stopped myself and thought 'It would be very nice of me to get my two friends some water'. I headed back to get them water while thinking some negative thoughts about my sober-self 'I'm usually not this considerate, what if I was like this all the time? I must be a jerk while sober because I never get water for anyone else!' I was obviously high now.
I entered the door to my room and was extremely happy to be back with my friends. They had just snorted their lines and were sitting down continuing conversation. I didn't even know what they were talking about but I just, well, jumped on into it. Just like the feeling of MDMA I wanted to keep on talking and talking and just felt so good and full of energy! I put on some music and we continued to have our conversation, then Bob asked me if I liked Cocaine. I told him yes. Also, when he mentioned Cocaine it sparked a craving to do more! I told him how nice it would be if I could just have one more line. This really surprised me as it was only about twenty minutes since my initial dosage, but I wanted some more Cocaine. Bob cut up another line for me. I leaned over and took it like I've done it a million times, quite a change from my disposition of the first line. I was invincible. I felt as if I could handle anything that was thrown at me. Rob suggested that we take a short walk down to the supermarket to pick up some food. I couldn't see how they were hungry at all but I eagerly agreed to leave because I wanted to get out of the house.
When I entered the supermarket I felt like I was in a dream land. The air conditioning made my whole body feel very cold but my mind still felt very warm, so I wasn't uncomfortable with my body's feeling of being cold at all. My jaw was also very tightly clenched, just like on MDMA. As we got our own items to purchase we paid one by one. Now, normally when on drugs I am a very self conscious person and frightened that people will notice I am high. While waiting my turn in line to pay the typical anxiety-prone thoughts I experience were absent. I had a strange feeling of superiority over the cashier who was helping me and I made it through the transaction while acting completely normal and controlled, yet mentally high as a bird.
We headed back to my house with our minds set for one thing, to do another line of Cocaine. We actually ended up doing two lines a piece when we got back. We talked for only a little bit when Bob and Rob had to leave for a deal.
So now I was very high left in my house alone, high on Cocaine with nobody there to run my mouth off to. I felt extremely horny and affectionate as hell. I wanted to call my girlfriend up, but figured it wasn't worth the risk once the high wore off, plus I couldn't obtain much of an erection (that was frustrating). Now all I wanted to do was lie down in my bed. I lay down, but couldn't even close my eyes for one second. I was very wide awake. I sat down on my computer but felt uninterested in all that was before me and almost irritated at everything, if it wasn't a line of 'coke' I wasn't interested. I lay back down on my bed and thought about life and my friends for what must have been several hours, until I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep. I woke up the next day and felt very tired and mentally slow - this could be because my lack of sleep, however.
I have done Cocaine three times since that first time. Each experience seemed to get weaker and lose its positive aspects. The drug's presence and persistence grows larger inside my head with each time. Every time I unexpectedly hear the word Cocaine my mind suddenly jolts with energy and desire. Now when using Cocaine instead of being very talkative for hours I will become extremely anxiety-ridden, paranoid and temperamental - and only euphoric if I do a lot more Cocaine.
The thing that really scares me about Cocaine is the addiction potential. Two of the four times I tried the drug was when Bob asked me to hold on to 3 grams of Cocaine for him for a few days. When I would sit in my room during those few days it was like the Cocaine would whisper to me to snort some, just a little. So I did. While I was high I would write down notes to myself to not do it and that I wasn't happy, but when I was sober I wanted it so bad. Even more surprising to me is that I'm not even around Cocaine at all, ever. The only times I have done Cocaine is in situations where the drug was in front of my face, in which I couldn't possibly say no. If Cocaine was easily available to me all the time I have no idea how much I would use it.
I haven't done Cocaine for four months now. This is more than likely because I haven't even heard a word of it being available; otherwise I'm sure I would have done it. The first time was fun, but no more fun than any MDMA experience can be. If I could advise someone against doing any drug I would say don't do Cocaine. It's too expensive, too addicting, and doesn't last long enough to be worth the time. MDMA is so, so, so much more than Cocaine - yet I crave Cocaine more than MDMA, that's why this drug is still mysterious to me.
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