Do you know about DrugsData.org?
It's an Erowid project that does lab drug testing of anonymously
submitted samples & publishes the results online. [See Recent Results]
Six Months of Depression
MDMA
by Katie
Citation:   Katie. "Six Months of Depression: An Experience with MDMA (exp21690)". Erowid.org. Feb 28, 2003. erowid.org/exp/21690

 
DOSE:
T+ 0:00
1 tablet oral MDMA (pill / tablet)
  T+ 4:00 1 tablet oral Pharms - Paroxetine (pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT: 130 lb


Took one pill one evening around 7.

I felt fine, was with a good friend, had been looking forward to the experience. I was at home and felt comfortable. It took about 45 minutes to come on and then seemed very mild. Had a pleasant evening, some insights, some very good feelings.

We took some Paxil about 4 hours after the ecstasy.

We tried and tried starting around 12 or 1 but could not get to sleep that night. My friend and i were up all night long staring at the ceiling experiencing mild visual hallucinations - flashes of light - and wishing we could sleep.

About 3-4 am I started feeling depressed and obsessing about my perceived personality flaws. This got progressively worse until I had to tell my friend why I was crying around 8 or 9 that morning. My friend has had no negative side effects.

I don't now remember much of that next week but I was profoundly depressed. I called a friend telling him i wanted to kill myself. I could not get out of bed for three days ... I had to call in sick to work half the week. I wished I were dead and the only thing keeping me alive was the idea that this was ecstasy-related and it might get better. I was so afraid that I would kill myself that on tuesday I called my doctor and she told me to hang in there, it was definitely from the ecstasy and it might last a few weeks and if it got worse to go to the ER.

I found a psychiatrist on the internet and called her and told her what happened, she made an appointment for a few days later and told me she'd seen the same thing with other people.

I thought a few weeks was such a long time but I wasn't significantly better for three months -- only then did I start feeling like myself.

The Wednesday after I took the e, I bought and then took 5-HTP for over a month (and some b-vitamin related thing that is supposed to be good with it) and ate a lot of things like turkey but they were of no help.

I could go to work and function after the first week but I would go out to my car and cry several times a day, for almost three months. I was so sure I was a horrible person and everyone was looking at me and thinking how awful and ugly I was. I told another friend everything and she tried to reassure me and it was somewhat helpful, but I was so convinced how horrible I was it was confusing to me -- this person i trusted said I wasn't, but I was so sure I was!

I went to therapy for six weeks after this and it helped a little. I did not get on antidepresssants, I don't know why, I think my mind wasn't working properly for a long time.

After three months things improved but I am still mildly depressed, sad, hopeless, and full of doubts. I still have symptoms of OCD and obsessive thinking, which I NEVER had before. I have finally gotten some antidepressants and will start taking them -- I hope they help.

Things have definitely improved but I am not the same happy, confident person I was before I took the ecstasy. I have a lot of depression and anxiety. I will never do it again or any other drug I haven't tried before.

Exp Year: 2002ExpID: 21690
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Feb 28, 2003Views: 12,341
[ View as PDF (for printing) ] [ View as LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Switch Colors ]
MDMA (3), Pharms - Paroxetine (148) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Post Trip Problems (8), Depression (15), Health Problems (27), Bad Trips (6), Difficult Experiences (5)

COPYRIGHTS: All reports are copyright Erowid.
TERMS OF USE: By accessing this page, you agree not to download or analyze the report data without contacting Erowid Center and receiving written permission prior to your downloading the data.

Experience Reports are the writings and opinions of the individual authors who submit them.
Some of the activities described are dangerous and/or illegal and none are recommended by Erowid Center.


Experience Vaults Index Full List of Substances Search Submit Report User Settings About Main Psychoactive Vaults