Citation: Green Eggs and Ham. "Strange Happenings: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (leaves) (exp21745)". Erowid.org. Sep 24, 2007. erowid.org/exp/21745
The following events took place about two or three months ago. In retrospect, I figure my experience with Salvia Divinorum might be worthy of being posted; both to inspire and inform.
I had originally thought I had stumbled upon a bag of low quality marijuana, the leaves were dark, brittle, and loose. The bag was stashed away in some far corner of a dresser drawer in my older brother's room. Its wasn't weed, as I soon realized, but 'Salvia Divinorum', clearly labeled on the bag. Wow, what luck. I was not, and am not, a true explorer to the hallucinogenic drug culture. I smoked a little pot here and there, nothing more, nothing less. I decided to give Salvia a try for one simple reason, curiousity. A mexican herb with the power to 'unlock hidden truths,' as I had read, seemed quite intruiging. I waited for a quiet night on the weekend when my parents were gone and got ready to experiment with Salvia.
I turned the lights off in my room, while leaving on a lamp that gave off a crimson glow. I had borrowed a bong from a friend, which I found to be adequate for smoking Salvia. I layed down in bed for a minute or two, and calmed my mind. I figured Salvia was not something to be taken lightly and therefore, I needed to be in the right mind set. I walked into this Salvia session secure, open minded (I thought), and ready to experience something new.
I packed a bowl, inhaled it all in one hit. As instructed, I held in the smoke for as long as I could. As I was holding the smoke, I began to lose the concepts of what was real and what was not. I thought, as I was holding the smoke in my breath 'Who gave me these instructions? Why am I holding my breath?' It was terrifying. I remembered that I was supposed hold the smoke as long as possible but as the effects presented themselves, I thought of this 'smoke-holding practice' as a completely alien ritual. This spiraled me into a state of utter disoreintation. I sat in my room, and soon felt completely dissconected from my surroundings.
I knew I was in a room, I knew it was supposed to be mine, but in a sense, It was just any old teenager's room. A person's room, that's all it was. I thought of my mother, father, sister and brother, not with feelings of love, but with feelings of plain familiarity. They were family, I reasoned, but I did not feel any more connected to them as I did anyone else. Now that I look back on this, I wonder, if what I felt compared to what it feels like to 'lose your ego?'
I sat there on the floor of my room for what seemed to be forever. Honestly, I felt as if I was trapped in some kind of parallel time, and I was imprisoned in some kind of alternate reality I knew nothing about. It was as if I had just been dropped there. I was living a life, but I had forgotten whose. I remembered one thing: I had just smoked some Salvia out of a bong. The thought should have comforted me, but it did not. So I sat, and was terrified. I was lost. I had even forgotten if I had smoked the Salvia alone or with someone else. I called out in panic to anyone, although no one was present in the empty room. I felt like crying. When would I feel normal again? When will I return to my life?
I saw an entity appear before me. It was my aunt who is experienced with psycoactives. She saw me there, and knowing of her desire to keep me away from drugs, I saw her dissapointment. Very troubling, even more so because I truly believed she was there, standing before me. I continued to smoke, despite my instincts that were screaming for me not to. The minute I smoked another bowl, I experienced strong feelings of urgency. I felt as if I had almost done 'something wrong' in smoking Salvia Divinorum. I had a sense of little beings watching me, as if to say, 'tsk tsk.' Each time I finished a bowl, I quickly put it away with a feeling of overwhelming guilt.
The intense fear and feelings of being permanently enclosed in an unfamiliar universe lasted 15 minutes. I almost couldn't believe my clock. That's it, it seemed like an eternity while actually on the drug itself. I gradually found myself slipping back to THIS reality. I grasped what I knew to be 'me'- MY bed, MY room. The sense of relief I felt was liberating. I looked back at what I had just felt. How could I have felt so lost and confused ?? I was sitting in my room the whole time. My room.
I realized, maybe this reality that I had returned to was no different than the one my head had just made up while fucked up on Salvia Divinorum. In a sense, I had just 'swapped realities.' I remembered a phrase I had once heard, 'We shape our own realities.' Wow, this is so true. While high on Salvia, this is essentially what I had done. I had shaped a new reality with my mind, and it scared the hell out of me.
I guess Salvia was not what I expected, to say the least. I believe I came in to the experience not prepared in the way I should have been. I did not expect to be rooted up from all I knew to be real, and when I did, it was mindblowing.
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