Citation: kristen. "I Always Knew, Even as a Child: An Experience with Cocaine (exp21788)". Erowid.org. Mar 9, 2018. erowid.org/exp/21788
||(powder / crystals)
I was eighteen when I first tried cocaine
I'd gotten involved with a new crowd- an old friend from school (Michelle), and her friends Pete and Patrick (brothers). We hung out almost every night, and we smoked a lot of pot. I'd started smoking pot at fifteen, but very rarely (maybe ten times in those years bewteen fifteen and eighteen). Now it was an every night occurrence.
Aside from pot, I'd used Percocet, Risparadol and I liked to drink. I never got to the serious stages though. However, from the time I was about eleven or twelve, I always knew that coke was going to be my thing. My mother was a heroin addict, so I knew quite a bit more about drugs than kids my age at the time. My mother had told me that she'd done coke and when she did it her heart stopped, and my father had to revive her, so that story had always scared me away from it. But I knew that if I ever got the nerve to do it, I'd fall in love.
Patrick was a cokehead, and Pete did it from time to time. They had a friend, Carl, who was pretty well off and was always scoring. Michelle rarely, and I mean rarely, did it- probably twice before. One night, she and I are at Patrick & Pete's place, and Carl comes over. They had a shitload of coke. Michelle had been after me to try it. Even though I wanted to, my mother's story had stuck in my mind. However, after persisting for two nights or so, I finally got up the nerve.
I took one small line, and felt nothing. Then I took another. Still nothing. By the end of the night, I'd done six (small) lines, and I was thinking, 'Eh.' I felt something, but nothing like I thought I would. Then I started moving around, and I noticed... I couldn't stop. I cleaned up Pete's living room. I didn't want to stop! I hoped it would get dirtier so that I'd have more to clean. I never wanted to sit down ever again... I was so energized.
After that night, I decided not to do it again. But I gave it another try, and loved it this time. I quickly fell in. For two months, coke was like water or oxygen to me. I didn't notice any changes in my eating habits, but one day I put my keys in my jeans pocket and my pants fell down.
Michelle and I ended up having a fight towards the end of 2002, and once I stopped hanging around her, I quit doing coke. At first I still wanted it, but after about a week, I was fine. I think about it every day though. Part of me still wants it.
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