I Swear This Is the Last Time
by T-nice
Citation:   T-nice. "I Swear This Is the Last Time: An Experience with Cocaine (exp21968)". Erowid.org. Jun 15, 2007. erowid.org/exp/21968

  repeated insufflated Cocaine (powder / crystals)


I first tried coke while partying with a friend at our usual hangout. I knew she had done it before but she thought I was unaware of it. I brought it up to her when we were out at our bar and she said, 'Well, how much do you want to spend?' I thought 30 dollars would be a reasonable amount to start with. Being a regular pot smoker that sounded pretty cheap compared to spending 70 dollars a week on a quarter ounce of pot. How naive I was.

Needless to say, my first experience with coke was very mild. I felt the giddiness and body tingles but I'd done such a small line that I had no idea how good I could feel by doing a bigger line or even two at a time. After that first time it was all over. I asked my friend to give me the dealers number so I wouldn't have to ask her to get it all the time. To my surprise, the guy I was having an affair with at the time turned out to be 'the dealer'. I really went off the deep end after that. I would live for the weekend and come Friday night I had my 70 dollar gram of coke by 9pm and sometimes that would be gone by 1 or 2 in the morning.

I started spending up to 180 dollars of my husbands money a week for coke. My boyfriend was taking terrible advantage of me and using me for all the dope he could get. I didn't care as long as I was with him and as long as we had enough dope to get us through until at least 5 or 6 in the morning. I started staying out all night long and not coming home sometimes until 10 or 11am.

Well, thankfully my little affair has fizzled out but my coke habit has not. I don't spend nearly as much as I used to but I still know I need to stop. My family and friends think I just have a bad sinus condition because my nose is always stuffy and I'm constantly blowing it even when I'm not using coke. I'm trying to stick to the weekends and I even erased all the dealer numbers off of my cell phone. The problem is I've used these numbers so often that I know them by heart.

I promise myself that I won't go out this weekend and buy coke but I know I will anyways. It's just too easy for me to get and I love doing it. I love busting up that first line and I love the smell and taste of it. But after doing a line every hour for about 7 hours I start to crash so badly. It's the worst feeling in the world to me but I keep going back and telling myself,'OK, this time I'll only do half the coke I got and save the rest for tomorrow.' Yeah right.

I get high and then I say Fuck it and do it all in one night. I must say that the worst part about doing coke for me is coming down. I don't just come down, I fucking crash and burn. My nose totally closes up and I'm so tired but I can't sleep because I can't breathe through my nose. And the next day I am so lethargic I can do nothing but lie on the couch and sleep. This wouldn't be much of a problem for a single person with no one to answer to but I have a four year old daughter and a husband who is becoming increasingly suspicious. On Saturday mornings, I should be spending time with my family and doing chores around the house. Instead I am in bed all day and by the time I get up it's 7 at night and I don't feel like doing shit.

So today is Sunday and I haven't done coke since Thursday. I made it through this weekend. hopefully I can make it through the next. Coke is the best high I've ever experienced but now my life is full of secrets and deception because of it.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 21968
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Jun 15, 2007Views: 1,568
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Cocaine (13) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)

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