Citation: DuckDuck. "Caution? I Don't Need No Caution!: An Experience with Mushrooms (exp22551)". Erowid.org. Jan 27, 2006. erowid.org/exp/22551
I was in great spirits as I'd been hanging out with one of my friends all day, and she's a blast to be around. I'd been reading about Mushrooms pretty much non-stop all week, and that day was to be my first time trying them. I'd had weed, E, DXM, Valium, Morning Glories, and alcohol of course. Though I'd read numerious places not to eat the whole eigth I decided I would anyways. I'm a calm guy, why would I freak out? Ha!
It was about midnight and no one was home so I was sorta paranoid about weither they'd come back just as I started to come up, but decided it probly wouldn't start by the time they came home. So I started chomping away. They were really disgusting tasting so I swallowed large chunks of them with applesauce, what I've found to be a great helper in this department. Well about 3/4 of the way through eating my parents get home. So I hide the bag, say hello, go back to my room, and eat the rest. My parents are quickly off to bed and I'm feeling ready to go.
Right after eating them I was switching back and forth between talking to some friends online and doing light bio-energetic exercises and a little pranayama. I was feeling very calm and ready when I started. After about 10-15 minutes I saw my first effect. When I'd wave my hand back and forth in front of a black backdrop I could see a bit of colors like if I'd been staring at the sun. It looked kinda like something I'd see at a playground.
At the 30-45 minute mark I felt it coming on. It hit me like waves. Hiting hard, and then pulling back. The waves got harder and I was feeling damn good. I was being silly and as I talked to my friends online. I also had a big grin on my face a good deal of this time. All in all it the come up really reminded me of E.
Well at about 60 minutes I decided to go into my closet, large closet, which I'd prepared, so I said my goodbyes online. I went off into my closet which had a blanket layed down, some light food and drink, a boombox, and my MindMachine (Proteus 2.0). I'd thought I'd use the mind machine, and just meditate, but this is about where things started getting bad.
I soon realized I couldn't get into the mind machine at all. It really made the high go away. In fact, that whole room made me feel like the high was going away. I really couldn't force myself to do things to a schedule when I'm on mushrooms. I was supposed to be peaking, and I felt a whole lot less high. I came to the realization I couldn't just become a mystic meditator at the drop of a hat, and what I really wanted and need to make this trip great was some friends. So I dropped my preparations and went back into my room.
I was very suprised to find I'd only been gone for 10 minutes. I thought I'd been gone for at least 30 minutes. The time distortion was really weird to me. Well I wanted to talk, with my voice, to someone so I thought I'd call my friend. I'd told him earlier I'd call him so I could have someone to babble at. So I went out to my phone and called him, but got voice mail. I left a message that went like this '(Very quiet) Hey (insert name here), I really wanted to talk to you and.....(very quiet gigging for about 30 seconds). His voice mail cut me off or I would have just kept on giggling. It was then I realized I was really afraid to speak for fear of someone hearing me. I thought I must have spoke too loud and I MUST have woken someone up so I went back in my room. Now hell's gates were open.
I talked to a friend of mine and somewhere in there, I'm not sure where, I started to feel really depressed. I'm not even sure what about. I was soon hit with all my fears and angers particularly my relation to male authority figures and wanted to be acknowledged. I went online to a mushroom website message board and spoke about how down I was feeling there. Then I heard a creak upstairs. I KNEW someone was awake, and that they were coming for me.
In fear I shut off my computer, all my lights, and stood there for a while. Imagine if you were a little kid thrown in a prison full of very tough guys and they were laughing at you because they were about to make you their play thing. That's what that was like. I soon got right into bed. I layed there crying, tensing almost every muscle in my body, and anything else I could do to let the tension out. I heard with crystal clarity a car engine stop right outside my house. I was about 70% sure that no that couldn't be a cop, but that was of the least of my worries. Soon, face soaked with tears, I felt violently ill. I ran for the bathroom.
I bumbled my way in not able to walk well at all. I closed the door, and bumped the cat box on my way to the toilet bowl. There I puked what little I could puke out. I half wanted my parents to find me there like that. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about being quiet. All through this the mushrooms were showing me everything in my personality that was causing this. As I sat there with my head in the toilet puking whenever I could I really needrf to pee, but I couldn't stand up without needing to puke. It seemed like it was either me peeing all over myself, or puking all over myself. Oh man, that was bad. I finally summoned enough strength to stand up and sit down on the toilet to pee. There I sat rocking back and forth, legs jittering, grabbing at my face, tensing my stomach to hell. I had to do all this to keep what little shred of sanity I had left. It didn't help that at least two other times I heard a car engine stop outside my house.
Somewhere in there I gained enough strength to get off the toilet, stand up, and flush it. The flush was very loud, and brought on more waves of fear. I got back into my room and looked at my clock, 4:11am. Oh man, I just wanted to sleep. Anything, but death, to make it just go away. I went back into bed and some how I eventually got to sleep hours later.
When I woke up the next day I just sat in bed for an hour or two. I sat there feeling very dehydrated just staring at the bottle of juice I'd had the night before. I really wanted to get up, but had so little energy. Eventually I got up and finally drank it. I knew I looked like hell and didn't want to attract atention so I took a shower. I was tired all day and at about 9pm fell asleep for 15 hours. All in all it was a very harsh learning experience.
I must say I learned the cardinal rule of being a student of chemognosis, tread lightly. If you've never taken a substance before DON'T TAKE A LARGE DOSE. I thought I could take a full eighth, and well I got my just desserts. I also know now that you really have to be in a place where you can be loud and silly if you need to without fear of getting caught. Also, it's imperative to have some friends around. Maybe later I'll be able to make some use out of a trip by myself, but that time isn't now.
All throughout this trip the mushrooms showed me the horible cycle I'd gotten myself into and how it'd been ripping me apart. I'd be constantly stressed which would in turn cause chronic muscle tension which then made me tired all the time trying to maintain it. This constant sleepyness just made my life a soup of apathy. It didn't do the work for me, but it did show me where to start. I've got to work on taking more time to calm myself.
In about a month or so I'll try this again. I think then I'll have the right setting, friends, and preparation. I believe then I can experience the not so gut wrenching part of mushrooms, heh heh.
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