DOSE:			Methamphetamine	(daily)
			Pharms - Alprazolam	(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

I am 22 and I have used drugs since I was 14 and during that time I never did like uppers due to a hospital visit that was because of speed. I didn't even get tempted to use any thing that I thought would make my heart pump all crazy. One night that all changed and one night is all it took and I was hooked.

I got really drunk at work which wasn't out of the ordinary because I was a dancer at this point of my life and one night I started talking to this girl and we decided to hang out after work. This was very unusual for me because I usually didn't party with anyone from work because of previous experiences. We went to my apartment and she said that a friend of hers would be calling with the instructions on where we were to go pick upthestuf I wouldn't have even agreed to doing the crap in the first place. My guard was definitely down this night.

We eventually got the call and left to pick up what she had left for us in a vacent car in a supermarket parking lot. The girl (crystal) seemed to be very educated on using ice so I trusted her ideas.

We didn't have a pipe and crystal was not a snorter so we used tin foil to smoke untill the smoke shop opened and we bought a pipe. I remember that I was amazed at how I didn't feel like my heart was gonna explode and I was still wide awake some how.Crystal said it was because ice was the best because it was made more pure. I think that we stayed up doing all we had for around three days and I remember hallusinating after a certian point. I hung out with crystal just a few more times and she diappeared as do most people that I partied with. Now that I look back she was only 19 and so completly addicted.I would say she was a full blown 'tweeker'.

At first I didn't even have a clue as to where I would get more,but as time passed it led into the night I met this huge dealer and from that point getting it was never again an issue. He was available any time that I would call. In only months I was already a full blown 'tweeker' myself and didn't even see how bad things really were. The fact that ice makes me feel as if everything is under control, when that is the farthest thing from the truth is in my opinon what makes it so easy to get hooked. Why change anything if everthing is cool right? In reality though, my life was crumbling to pieces.I was rapidly losing weight and haven't ever had weighed enough to really afford to lose more than 5lbs. Everyone kept saying how skinny I was,but I either blocked it out(something that I had recently gotten good at) or was so used to people saying that to me my whole life that I didn't take it serious. My 'real friends' and family became a non-existant part of my life for alot of different reasons, but all really a result of my addiction. By only 6 months from my first hit of ice, nobody trusted my enough to give me any money,I had lost 15lbs, and my marriage was ruined.

I have a son and during this time I could'nt even be around him because I would just cry. The way I dealt with everything was to get high and my mind would not think about my problems. I knew that they were still there though. To get around the horrible coming down process that magnified my problems and made me so depressed, I would just take an extreme amount of xanax or just stay up so many days in a row that I would pass out due to how exausted and sleep deprived I was.I really thought I was not as hooked as I plainly was.I progessed into both snorted small lines and smoking an insane amount daily and it did'nt take long at all. I never worked unless I had too and was always in my apartment,up for God knows how long, trapped in what I call my personal hell.The only people I ever associated also did ice and so in effect helped out with my addiction to it.I never ate and when I did I had to force myself. I remember food never tasted good and it took alot of discipline to make myself sit down and eat because my mind was busy going in so many different directions.

Well I never did realize how bad I had gotten until I took off and went to a really small town in the country that I happen to know some people that totally helped me out and never once judged me.I stayed there for 2wks and relapsed on my way back home despite how strong I 'thought' I was.I am currently 15lbs heavier than I was and checking myself to a rehab that is 4 hours from home. I've been on a waiting list for this place for almost 2 months during which I have only messed up and did ice about 5 times,but each time lasted for more than a day.I know that I never want to go back to the way things were and in order for that to happen I need to go to this rehab and stay as far as I can from the evil drug as well as anyone that is associated with it no matter how good of friends they may be. I can't even add up all the sleepless nights I've had since this whole thing started and I can't tell you how nice it feels to sleep like a normal person should. My mind and body are'nt always tired from the pointless circles they ran. I wish I had cried out to someone, anyone for help and accept that I am not just the 'loser,drug addict' that I had become. There was help avaliable even if I didn't have any money. My rehab is funded through the federal drug association and I got accepted through only my assesment call. Life can be so wonderful, but while I am high it is so gloomy and full of stress.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 22694
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 24, 2018	Views: 1,560
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Methamphetamine (37) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Not Applicable (38)