Citation: Iliketoast. "That Was It: An Experience with Methamphetamine (exp23593)". Erowid.org. Apr 10, 2007. erowid.org/exp/23593
I should begin by saying that I have very little experience with drugs. I smoke marijuana quite often, and I smoke opium during the summer. I consider myself a very safe person, sometimes a little too safe at times. I do my research before I injest something into my body, and stay as far away from prescription drugs and chemicals as possible. I try to avoid psychoactives becauses I am a bit a nervous of what will happen to me, because I have 'mild', I don't know if you could call it mild but non-severe bi-polar disorder, and have had this off and on for many years, or so it is believed that I have this. As well I had a frightening, and I am assuming un-common experience with PCP, when I unknowingly smoked a joint laced with it which sent me into 8 months of severe paranoia.
Quite frankly Meth frightened me. Ever since I had first heard that people I knew where doing it last summer. Some of my really close friends did it, and still do it. It was really really difficult for me to understand why they would want to do it. But I tried to be as accepting as possible. But it was difficult. I would leave my cell phone on over night so that they could reach me 24 hours a day in case something happened to them, and they would call and I would get so scared everytime that they phoned, although the mostly phoned because they wanted me to give them money so that they could buy more drugs. I absolutely hated meth. I despised it. It began really upsetting me to see my friends destroying themselves. My friends knew how I felt about it, and seemingly not wanting to hurt me they would lie about it only making it that more difficult and breaking my heart that much more when I would find out the truth. Meth basically stole my friends away from me. They are still my friends but they are not anywhere near the same people that I grew up with. They are all hollow, and empty. I sometimes do believe that they want to fight there addiction and stop, but I know that they are scared. Sometimes there are moments of clarity for them where they confide in me how they know how lost they are in their addiction and want to get out and how severe the depression is that they have sunken themselves into, and how they no longer have an imagination without it.
It still saddens me greatly to see my friends like this, but now that it has been about a year and things haven't changed, I have become almost heartless about this issue, I still care and am greatly concerned, but I have come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It is there choice and there is no way of stopiping it.
Although meth frightens me I have often thought of trying it once just to see and have had ample opportunity to do so but never have until just recently. I knew that I would possibly be seen as being a hypocrit after all the time I had spent as being anti-meth. But I knew if I did it once that I would never have to think I about it again.
I hadn't expected that it would have happened last weekend, It was entirely unexpected.
(names changed to not make myself or anyone I know look stupid or be identifiable in anyway)
It was about 3:00 am and there were three of us over at my friends house. We had spent the evening partying in several locations over town and had ended up at caleb's place. During the evening I had smoked several joints and bowls to myself and had split a mickey of vodka with Rob. I was quite comfortable. Caleb and Rob and our other friends, who did not come with us to caleb's house, had already smoked several points of meth. As I was saying it was about 3:00am and I was beginning to be quite tired and ready to go sleep quite shortly, and caleb and rob were wide a wake and bugging me for yawning so much. They were down to there last little bit of meth and were preparing to smoke it. They a broken lightbulb, and little blue straw, and were using a candle to light, seeing as my lighter had died early on in the evening. They offered me some, and as I had done many times before I said no.
But then I started to think about, maybe I should just try it now just once and get it over with. So I said in a really quiet voice that I would try but just once. So they got it all ready for me and were just about ready to begin serving me my hoot and I started to get really scared and my tummy began to hurt like it always does when I get nervous and so I froze. They began to get upset with me, and tell me how I was being silly and how it wasn't such a big deal. I kept telling them that I scared, and that there was no way that I could ever ever do it. But they kept telling me that it was safe and that I would be okay. So, once again I sat there with the little blue straw in my hand waiting to inhale. But just as he was beginning to light it I froze again.
And then they got pissed off at me, and decided to demonstrate and show me how to do it. I knew damn well how to do it, I had seen them do it on many occasions. Eventually I just said 'fuck it' took the little blue straw from him and prepared for what I thought would be a frightening experience. I inhaled all the white smoke and blew it out, I did this twice. Afterwards I sat back for a second to think. And I realized that that was one of the most pointless things I have ever done in my entire life. I did not know what all the fuss was about or why I had been worrying.
All I felt was more awake and everything around me looked sharper and crisper, and I was a tiny bit hyper, but that was about it. I personally thought that it was okay, but nothing too exciting. It was nice to be awake with my friends, but I wasn't exactly thrilled to watch the sun come up and to become aware that I had been awake 24 hrs. I did feel abit sick afterwards when I went to go home due to lack of sleep and food. I don't think that I find it necessary for me to ever do it again, I did it once and that is all I ever wanted.
My friends seem to think that I am addicted, or atleast hope that I am, so that I will buy some to share with them, because I always seem to have money and nothing to spend it on. For the past couple of days they keep trying to convince me that I need it but I won't give in to them. I don't need it and quite frankly neither do they. I am very greatful for having done it, it is an experience that I will more than likely never forget, or ever need to experience again.
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