DOSE: T+ 0:00	235 ml	oral	DXM	(liquid)
T+ 20:00	15 hits	smoked	Cannabis	(flowers)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

The experience I’m about to describe happened to me months ago, but it is clear in my mind. I still think about it and in many ways it has drastically changed my thoughts about many issues, including the nature of life, and the concept of existence after death. It's hard to imagine having such an intense and life-changing experience at the age of seventeen, and I'm considering the possibility of a similar experience in a more controlled atmosphere after I've gained more wisdom.

I'm a junior in high school, and I've experimented with a number of recreational drugs, including weed, DXM, and a few other hallucinogens. At the time of my experience, I was also taking amphetamines for my ADD, and Fluoxetine for depression. I bought a bottle of eight ounces of maximum strength cough syrup and, ditching my previous method of the Agent Lemon extraction, I chugged the bottle at about 8:30 pm (it tasted horrible, and I couldn't get the taste out of the back of my throat for more than a half an hour). Anyway, I had a relatively uneventful experience, and I went to sleep in a good mood. I woke up the next day, still feeling the after-effects quite a bit, and went to school.

That night, I got on the plane to California to visit my sister at Stanford. A few of her friends hung out with us, and one of them invited me to go smoke up. We went to the library, where we met a group of twenty, and passed around three bongs. This was about 20 to thirty hours after I took the Tussin. After about fifteen hits, I started to experience intense confusion. I knew where I was, but I had a strong fear that I had lost all knowledge of how I was supposed to react to anything that could happen, even something as simple as somebody addressing me. This new feeling was completely different from any other time I'd tried weed, so I started to get really worried. I'd read a little bit about the Sigma plateau that can be achieved by taking DXM but for obvious reasons that thought never occurred to me.

At this moment, less than five minutes after I started smoking, I became literally unable to smoke any more weed, and the trip took a drastic turn. I created a fantasy that weed was an extremely potent poison that sent you into an immense trip and then killed you after a certain amount of uses. I convinced myself that almost everyone who 'smoked' weed was pretending, and only a select few people of incredibly low intelligence actually ingested the deadly substance. The observers would just wait for one of the morons to expire, and spend the entire time laughing at the prolonged and humiliating death. This fantasy was interrupted by switch to a confusing and completely immersive hallucination.

I cannot say how immediate the switch was, as all I remember is being inside the library conference room, and actually becoming a complex fractal in the sense that along with seeing it, I could 'feel' it the way one feels their own body, with no memory of the conference room, or even any of my life. After a few moments of incredible confusion, I concluded with absolute certainty that this was the process of dying, and I, somewhat cheerfully, began to wonder about how I had died. After an undetermined time, I felt myself back in the room. I collectively recognized the twenty or so college students in the room as God. This didn't seem at all odd to me, and when one of the kids made some comment about me being virtually comatose, I developed the belief that life was just a creation of a bunch of teenage deities, who watched everyone's lives, and then made fun of them when they died.

Next, I found myself in experiencing the entire life of somebody else. When I was about seventeen, things started to get a little crazy. I was reading a science fiction book when all of the minds of the world I was living in began to break down. In a matter of minutes the entire Universe had collapse into a beautiful looking array of thick white lines (think the lines in a family tree) and each line represented a single conscious mind. This is when I noticed they were starting to merge together, as the family tree began to approach the apex. I quickly realized that pretty soon there would be just one line, and that line would be me. I began to 'read' the book, and the book was detailing exactly what was happening. The entire universe was actually just a collection of perceptions that eventually evolved into the more complex thoughts of animals and eventually the human mind. The fundamental building blocks of the universe were sensual perceptions, not elements, and matter was just an allusion.

The book went on, however, to explain that the universe I was in was actually one of many experimental universes designed by man. They thought of it as kind of a complex computer program, and had programmed it to merge to one single isolated mind after a certain amount of time. The universe, however, would continue to exist, and for a few interminably long moments, I was operating under the belief that I would be entirely and absolutely alone for eternity. That was the single most terrifying thought I have ever had in my entire life. The lines eventually merged completely, and I actually was completely alone. Luckily, I left that universe and again became a series of different fractals, relieved that I had somehow passed into a new phase of the experiment. For the next part of the trip, I experienced a number of events which were quite numerous and exciting, but either too incomprehensible or repetitive to mention.

After a while, I found myself in God's presence again (In this encounter, they did not act like God at all). For an unbearably long time, he (they) berated me, calling me stupid and useless, although in more varied and eloquent terms. After my ego was sufficiently crushed, two other people showed up (I later decided that they were test administrators), and briefly told me that my trip was over and I was finally dead, but that I was somehow extremely important. I was reminded of the Perceptual Universe idea, and then I found myself in my sister's dorm, confused as to why I was not dead. I sat there thinking, until I pieced together that this was somehow a test. I convinced myself that this is the test that everyone goes through right before they die. They are placed back in 'reality' with knowledge of the nature of life, and they pass if they relate this information to people who are alive. I thought this act would allow humans to ascending to a higher level of existence.

Apparently God had insulted me to lower my self esteem and make me unhappy, therefore decreasing my chances of passing the test. I'm a shy person in general, and I feared a sudden announcement that I knew the meaning of life would not necessarily be well received, so I asked my sister for a piece of paper. I began to write down the concept of the Perceptual Universe, fueled by the inspirational lyrics of Eminem. Unfortunately, at this moment, one of my sister's friends took this chance to begin discussed someone he knew with MPD. All of a sudden I remembered the weed that I had smoked, and one discussion I had with my mom above a relative of mine with schizophrenia. As it is believed to be generically linked, it is possible that I could have it too, so I freaked out (only the second time I remember being genuinely unhappy during the trip).

I started cursing quietly at myself, and worrying that I would be fucked up for the rest of my life. This was a scary amount of time to be thinking that you will be schizophrenic for the rest of your life. Then I remembered the DXM I had taken the day before, and everything clicked. Although that was not the way a sigma trip is normally achieved, I believe it was certainly possible. I explained this to my confused sister, and then went to sleep. I woke up well rested and completely normal, although a little embarrassed, not knowing what I had done with I was off in a different dimension. Apparently it involved me vomiting on a few of my sister's friends, although she wisely didn't tell me until the day I left.

I've had multiple emotional (see: absolute loneliness) flashbacks while writing this experience. Every time I smoke up now, I have flashbacks, however they are beginning to dissipate. The most interesting thing is that at the time I wouldn't have considered it a negative experience at all; in fact most of the time I was enjoying myself. Even for a few weeks afterward I wouldn't have called it a bad trip. I can only wish for an experience later in my life as mind-expanding as the one I experienced in California; hopefully, with greater wisdom and preparation, I will be able to achieve one.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 23660
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Feb 13, 2025	Views: 51
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