Citation: Will L.. "Terrifying Ego Loss for an Unprepared Soul: An Experience with Salvia divinorum (10x extract) (exp25147)". Erowid.org. Oct 14, 2007. erowid.org/exp/25147
I had smoked salvia once before and felt some threshold effects, but this time I planned on breaking through and getting level 5 effects. After the first hit, I felt the familiar sensation of salvia overtaking me. I loaded the bowl again, as best I could, and smoked another huge hit. It's possible that I smoked another bowl after that but I cannot be sure. What I felt then was this:
Everything went black, I might have shut my eyes. It was a feeling of rebirth, a near death experience. As though all of reality had been a play on stage, and suddenly I realized that I was on stage; suddenly I realized that I was in an entirely different dimension, perhaps shell. I had a waking awareness that I was in a new reality, THE reality; somewhere outside of the dimension of the living. Only I didn't perceive this as it really was; a drug induced near death or out of body experience. I didn't realize I’d taken a drug. I could still feel the grass underneath my palms, but I didn't know what it was. Whatever it was, I was aware of being a part of it, of literally being attached to it, 'grown' into it; it just became another part of the other dimension I was in, a tattered artifact of the now forgotten reality of the day to day.
I lost all contact with the physical reality around me, and indeed the reality of my own existence itself. I felt as though I had entered the ever-present spirit realm. My mind tried to grasp onto this fact, to make sense of what was happening, but for a few minutes that was impossible. This was not a surface high, the ego-loss was total. I was totally out of my mind in every way. Then, once I regained my senses enough to realize that I was under the influence of salvia divinorum, I began to panic. The whole experience was so alien and terrifying that I wanted the feelings to end right then; I wanted to be back in the comfortable reality of my home. But of course, I couldn't stop the trip. The more I resisted, the more I panicked as I had the retrospectively unfounded realization that I might never be able to return to reality; that I might have opened doors in my consciousness that could never be shut. I imagined trying to live my life in this condition, and the panic just kept getting more and more intense. If I’d had a weapon nearby, I might have harmed myself.
I should say that this was my first experience with hallucinogens. I was totally unprepared for the sheer power and magnitude of the experience; and it is true that even seasoned trippers can be totally blown away by the salvia experience. The disorientation and the totality of the experience and my profound lack of personal control over it were terrifying. If I ever do approach salvia again, I will do it with extreme respect and consideration for my trip factors. The dimensions I visited while under the influence seem totally real, even in retrospect.
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