DOSE:

Amphetamines

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

The first time that I did Adderall I was a sophomore in high school.

My friend Aaron from gym class had traded my two twenty mg Adderall for a joint. I was pretty skeptical. I had done ecstacy before this and was a little disappointed. He wouldn't even tell me what they would do to me. My only other experience with pills was I had found that taking allergy pills in mass quantity would fuck me up. I figured what the hell, they'll probably make me sleep the rest of school off. What happened almost two hours after I ingested them was unbelievable. I felt like none of the shit that I struggled with every day mattered, and I felt extreme peace. I had always had my problems. I moved from three states (CT,MA,OH) and had lingering personal issues and pretty often I would experience acute depression. I had found the perfect drug.

Let me continue on. Adderall became a staple in my life. I could talk to people openly and without sounding like a burnout. I think I have some sort of a social anxiety disorder. I've always been a kind of sketchy kid. FINALLY I could relax. Some of the best nights of my life were spent fucked up on adderall. Prom, parties, long doobie cruises. Wow. There was nothing like it.
Well surprise, I developed quite a habit. It got to the point where I had spent all night up in my room on a school night chain smoking butts jamming music, which sounds so fuckin good on that shit, and jacking off (undescribable!). And the next day would be spent in school feeling like a pile of shit and twitching, totally unable to interact with anyone. I firmly believe the reason I failed my senior year of high school is because I could not, could not, control my habit.

Anyway fast forward to today. Four months ago I was offered a job selling magazines and I had just completed my high school requirements. I spent each and every day tracking down adderall, almost always unsuccessful, and this was my life. But I took the job selling, and was clean for about 2 months. It was hell. But it was necessary.

I came home for my graduation ceremony. This was the cumulation of five years. I wanted this to be an unforgetable night. I had actually been able to find 40 mg after being back in town only a couple days. I took them on a full stomach. I was so pissed. The night was ruined. Hardly any buzz, and to top it all off a weird feeling to party on. I got so drunk that night.
Almost immediately afterwards, I went to visit my lifelong friend in CT. I was there for two months. Only did Adderall once. But it was so great. I went cliff jumping off 50 ft cliffs into black water. I'll never forget that kind of shit.

I got back about a week ago. My good, good friend's brother gets 20s and he hooked it up a few times. Today I took 60mgs. I feel so good. I can think about my girlfriend in NH (who I met in CT) in a great light, and at this difficult point in my life this shit keeps me sane.

BUT...then's there's the absolute worst. Things like trying to shit after two days of being awake and not eating, falling down shaking and blacking out, frightening hallucinations. The worst point ever, I had been awake two days, was already seeing tons of visuals, went to smoke ajoint behind my shed and afterwards saw snakes, yes snakes, circling my legs. I ran inside and shook on my bed.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 26594
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 13, 2020	Views: 1,048
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Amphetamines (6) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Glowing Experiences (4), Depression (15), Not Applicable (38)