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Voices
Dimenhydrinate
by rose
Citation:   rose. "Voices: An Experience with Dimenhydrinate (exp2661)". Erowid.org. Nov 13, 2001. erowid.org/exp/2661

 
DOSE:
    Dimenhydrinate

BODY WEIGHT: 125 lb


You think, it wonít happen to you
And you know, everyone says that
And they are wrong.
You still think, Iím the exception to that rule
Superstition and suggestive thoughts.
Anything but denial,
But then, that is denial.
Iím really not falling into the stereotype
But by swearing Iím not,
I also plead, I could be.
I have to be open to that idea.
Even though I think ill get better on my own.
And right now, maybe I did dream it all
I even doubt my own mind.
I know what I heard
What I saw
Where Iíve been
I just have no way to prove it;
Tuck my wings back under my dress
And walk under the city lights
Letting the shadows devour me.
And the last voice I hear
Will not be my own.


Even if I knew for sure, its gravol
I wouldnít stop
Im scared, yes
ButÖwhat if itís not a hallucinogen
And im getting closer to the TRUTH.
What if this is a real voice
Belonging to something or someone
And im only in a state of mind to hear it
When im on gravol?

Itís not like im imagining
And itís not like im crazy
I just canít tell the difference
Until I turn, and no ones there
But the voice remains clear in my mind
I know I heard it
Mostly on the left, but I hear it.

Whatís real anymore?
Maybe I perceive things all my life
And they were also not true.
I just donít know what to believe,
Or what is true.
Because I KNOW I heard a voice
But there was no one to be seen.
That doesnít necessarily mean the voice was a fabrication.
Does it???

I donít know if itís so much I want to be rid of the voice
I only heard it about 5 times in almost 5 months.
Itís more like..i want to understand it.
Or be with it.
Im not sure which though,
If either.

Im not alone, obviously.
I mean, why would I hear if its non existent?
Im not imagining it, this is on the outside of my head.
And itís not of the voices I have always heard.
Its in English, says my name
But wont answer.

I guess I should feel lucky.
The doctor says to go to another doctor..
But I think i've all ready said too much.
If I wasnít so worried and convinced (?),
I never would have said anything at all.
I even told mom,
So I know. This is serious.
Isnít it???

my friends would be mad if they knew all this.
a few say its not gravol cause they never had these situations.
ButÖall the things I looked up, point to gravol
I still wouldnít stop though, not now.
Especially not now.
Itís all so easy.
I can breathe.
Except for that one night when I stopped breathing in my sleep.
Mom said it could be stress.
Probably.
But I donít know
I donít know anything anymore,
Thereís no difference between what was yesterday
And what wasnít.

i have always heard voices,
but now..these are in english
and to the left, and OUTSIDE my head.
and its just my name, or something i cannot make out,
but its loud, so loud. and they dont respond when i ask who is there. my feet dont touch the ground i reach out for someting, but my hands are nowhere near the object. things move in the house, shadows walk around, when people arent even in the room. this has only happened since ive taken gravol. i started a few months ago, and my asthma is gone, i feel more confident, happy..relaxed. its just once in awhile i wonder...what is real anymore.

Exp Year: 2000ExpID: 2661
Gender: Female 
Age at time of experience: Not Given 
Published: Nov 13, 2001Views: 15,806
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Dimenhydrinate (17) : Not Applicable (38), Poetry (43), Retrospective / Summary (11)

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