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Retrospective of My Struggle
Alcohol
by Nemo
Citation:   Nemo. "Retrospective of My Struggle: An Experience with Alcohol (exp27019)". Erowid.org. Apr 25, 2006. erowid.org/exp/27019

 
DOSE:
  oral Alcohol (liquid)
BODY WEIGHT: 154 lb
This is not an account of any one time encounter with drinking; it is what I can recall of letting myself go over the edge with a substance.

Before my junior year of high school all I knew about alcohol was that I had a good tolerance to it; I could handle a lot more than some adults I knew without getting any real effects. I was 17 at the time and having recently discovered how great pot was I was just open to anything that made me feel high. The first few times I tried drinking it was just awesome; a lot like being really stoned but much more overwhelming and with a real strong euphoria. I never got any negative effects like hangovers, and I never puked at all back in those days. At one point I got a bottle of Everclear and kept that in my house for rare occasions; I could mix a shot or two of it with some sort of juice, smoke a bowl, and expect a great night. At this time it was such an uncommon experience for me that every time was the same great drunk feeling.

When school let out and summer started is when I really got into it though. Up until this point I got drunk in some way, but it was more like being very 'sociably drunk'; I had never actually experienced the full blown intoxication stage. During my birthday was my first chance at this. A friend of mine came over with a fifth of whiskey; this we mixed with lemonade (with a sour-mash whiskey it is just delicious) and watched Natural Born Killers, to this day one of my all time favorites.

Midway through the movie I really felt it hit: it was like an intense head rush and I felt completely liquid, when I tried to stand up to piss I walked/jogged in a fast, half-stumbling gate, I would look at myself in the mirror and laugh at my reflection telling it how drunk it was. At the end of the movie I was just fucked and must have blacked out; my friend says I told him I was going upstairs to get some blankets but I never came back, he found me passed out still in my clothes in the morning. That liquid feeling was the best thing I'd ever felt, and I got it again a few weeks later at a party. I hit a keg like 6 or 7 times and had some whiskey in the course of two hours or so, and then went back to a friends house to smoke and take some shots (probably 5 or 6). He was still sober enough so he drove me back home afterward. By the time I got home I was wasted: I was trying to watch a movie and drink some more (don't know why) and I had spinning double vision; I felt dizzy trying to keep up with the movie and turned it off, but then after sitting in the dark for five minutes I forgot why and turned it back on, this ended in my puking from apparently induced motion sickness.

After those experiences the peak effects of alcohol slowly declined into nothing over the next few months. I loved drinking so much I started doing it every weekend and actually got bored with pot because it wasn't as strong; I realized how cheap 40's are and this became my number one suggestion of what to do with the day, with two bucks I was good. I soon amassed enough whiskey in my room to sustain me getting drunk alone every night if I wanted, and this I did. My dose was half a bottle, mixed with soda, lemonade, or something along those lines.

Up until this point the only sort of hangover I got felt a lot like being high or just still drunk but less so, thus I would smoke a bowl in the morning to come back up and have a good (albeit slow) day. Soon this turned into my mom buying me 40's when school started back up; I would just drink during the weekends, every saturday night. A few times I got curious and decided to get more beer than usual so I'd get really wasted; more than two 80 ounces of malt liquor is a bad idea just so you know. I did some awefully stupid stuff when I got that trashed, a lot of it is just too ridiculous to waste more space here on.

The last time I ever tried it was the worst I've ever been: I can very vaguely recall returning from the bathroom and falling over the back of the couch making a huge crash which woke everyone up, but not really seeming to attach any significance to it, my mom said she came down several times that night and I was passed out somewhere, a couple times I was unrousable for a few minutes. I did fall on my face in front of her when I was finally headed for bed, for most of the night I had been only half conscious, but somehow I had woken up a bit since then and was now very aware of my extreme state, thus this was pretty damn sad.

After that is when I realized I wasn't enjoying the hangovers as a free high anymore, they were really gross now and I just got a bad headache. The drunk part itself had all became mundane just like pot had after I abused it; the experience itself is always the same, it's still pleasurable, but nothing is ever knew and exciting about it. Now I won't let myself get too drunk because I just get every debilitating effect possible from it, and at some point puke my guts out; I have to chug water to rehydrate and ward off hangovers which results in being bloated for a while, and I wake up still feeling fuzzy and out-of-it. Many people debate hotly with me when I say I was an alcoholic for a while; they claim you can't be an addict for a little while and just snap out of it, especially because I still drink from time to time now. I know for myself I was at that point though; I couldn't go one day without getting some juice in my body, I even had a friend over once who wouldn't drink and just sat around while I got drunk all night becuase I needed it. I never binged too heavily or too long so I never got tremors or anything, but I was certainly an addict.

Alcohol to me now is a lot like pot except still much stronger and more overwhelming, it also is much more inebriating. When I drink now I do it smart, that way I don't end up doing something stupid.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 27019
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Apr 25, 2006Views: 20,574
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Alcohol (61) : Hangover / Days After (46), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)

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