Citation: GoNzO. "A Lifetime of Information: An Experience with AMT (dl-alpha-Methyltrypamine) (exp27551)". Erowid.org. Mar 10, 2008. erowid.org/exp/27551
||(powder / crystals)
Below is the account of the events which changed my life on and around Thursday, February 27th, 2003.
You may find what I have to say funny or stupid but I assure you that what you are about to read is real.
If you begin to read, don't stop, because it takes the full to get the true effect of things. Please enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: I do not in anyway condone or encourage the act of purchasing, selling, or consuming illegal drugs of any sort for any reason.
I’m writing this on Tuesday, March 4th, 2003 because the experience that I have gone through has given me such complete clarity in my life that I feel its my place to at least try and explain to the real world what “The Flow” is and why I suddenly can’t stop talking about it. Mind you before you read anything that I whole heartedly believe everything which I am typing and that though you may never fully understand the extent of my experience, you should be able to respect it and hopefully embrace it.
This is a difficult story to put into words, and the SET and SETTING of this whole idea, and the weeks before that night are maybe more important than the actual event. Being here at (a college somewhere in the USA) has truly been an amazing learning experience for me and has shown me how to bring myself down a notch to make everyone around me comfortable and on my level. After leaving my shitty hometown after the summer, within a few weeks my life continued to plummet until one night I became so uncontrollably drunk that I began to say things that I had held deep inside me for so long that when they came out they were completely devastating. There I was that next day realizing that I had burn myself out on pot, on alcohol, on yelling and screaming, and most of all I had said some things to one of my best friends that by all rights should have cut me off from her for the rest of my life. At that point I realized that it was time for me to make a change in my life, and for the next month I cut myself off from the drug that I loved so much, Marijuana.
That month was hell for me. My brain was running at 40000 MPH with nobody and nothing to vent my feelings to. In that month long stupor I thought that I had lost my mind once again and that there was nothing left out there to control my brain, I just needed to be content with the fact that nobody understands me and live my life like that. And after that month, I blazed up, and I’ll be damned if the world around me seemed familiar again, and I was happy again for the first time in months. As I lie in bed that night I realized that it was time for me to stop using marijuana as a drug, but as a medicine. Anyone who knows me closely know that what I think and do isn’t bullshit, and weed has allowed me to control myself and make myself a better person. My grades are better, my friends are closer, and I am a better person. Anyone that does not believe me should stop reading now because what comes next takes it to a level that only an open mind can truly understand.
When second semester rolled around there was another pressure that I didn’t know how to deal with; real drugs. Drugs scare smart people, and I was no exception. Mushrooms, well they never really scared me, and their experience alone opened my mind to a new level of thinking, but that is only part. We discovered a legal test drug online named AMT (dl-alpha-meythltrypamine). It was cheap, and people wanted to try it, so my partner tried it, and soon everyone was down for its effects. Not me.
I didn’t like that shit. I was scared to death, and yelled at countless people for trying to pressure me. For weeks I thought that I was never going to try that stuff. I’m not that kind of kid am I? This bothered me night in and night out for a while. Finally one night things felt right, and I ingested 35 MG of my baby and prepared myself for its effects…and they never came. I was terrified of the drug, and once I took it, nothing happened. One must understand that the tolerance my body has for drugs is sickening, to the point where I just don’t want to fuck around with anything because it’s just not worth it. A few more AMT doses on separate days down the road yield the same results, little to no effect at all.
***At this point in the story, things change. Everything above is simply a setup to what I experienced between 4:30 PM on Thursday February 27th and March 1st 2003, the time period in which my life made a drastic change for the better***
On Thursday my 'partner in crime' comes running into my room “It’s here dogg!” Right away I knew he was speaking of the AMT which had been ordered a week or so ago. The AMT had been gone for a month or so after everyone initial contact to it for a few reasons, specifically because the assumption was made that we shouldn’t hurry into this drug, especially because it is currently in the process of being made illegal by the FDA, but is not as of yet. Anyway, it was here, and my friend “J” and I decided to take some before our last class of the day so that we would be feeling its effects by the time we returned from class.
After some calculations, I decided to take my dose at 4:30 during class, so that when class was finished at 5:15, I would feel the first effects. I also decided that it would give me plenty of time to trip, sleep, and attend my 10:30 AM class on Friday, knowing that AMT trips generally last 12-14 hours for my friends. This was a decision which I would later regret, thought not fully. The main difference with that day was that I decided to take 75 MG, triple the normal dose which all my friends have experience and loved. I decided this because my tolerance is so high, and because I still didn’t expect that much of an effect.
I cut out over 100 MG of the powder and eyeballed my dosage and scooped it into my Gatorade bottle for it’s travel to class. I later realized that my eyeballed dosages were on average 20 MG over, and when i finally cut things out my dosage was more like 100MG possibly more, and I had a left over dosage was far less than a normal 25 sized hit, but I saved it for later in case I needed a tiny boost to help my trip late in the night. I never touched that ‘tiny boost.’
Class was extremely boring, but I was stoned so I was listening and learning quite well, and at 4:30 I busted out my unsuspecting looking Gatorade bottle and killed it right then and there, re-filled it with water and began to drink the rest. I never finished the rest of that water either. Within minutes my vision became vivid, and all the colors in the classroom were standing out, especially that damn orange that seems to be everywhere at this school. But by 5 Pm my stomach was not enjoying things, and I was forced to leave class to vomit (well more like dry-heaving because I hadn’t eaten anything in 15 hours, and wouldn’t for at least another 35). After a not so pleasant purge, I returned to the classroom where class was finished and one of my friends who knew what I was doing had gathered my stuff and she walked back to the dorm with me. The whole walk back I was completely sober, and my conversation was good, my stomach felt fine. I was thinking that because I puked, I wasn’t going to get much effects, and in the back of my head I though about re-dosing with the left over AMT, but being an intelligent user, I knew better, and let it have her fun with me for a while.
We returned to the dorm, and I wanted to smoke a bowl with the girl, but by the time I took my first hit in her room, I realized that I need to get away from people, because something was about to hit me like a ton of bricks and I didn’t want anyone to think there was something actually wrong with me. I left my bowl behind and came to my room. As I walked down the hall, I saw my first tracers of the night, and I got a little excited.
As I sat down on my bed, the first wave of the drug hit me, and the body buzz was so intense that I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes. As the buzz intensified, so did my closed-eye visuals. I soon realized that I was in for the long haul, and tried to mentally prepare myself for what was going to happen to me, and I continued to lie there with my eyes closed for 20-30 minutes, mentally preparing things. And while doing this I realized that my mind was sober, it was my body that was out of it. I couldn’t be tripping could I? A trip uses your brain, this was just doin crazy shit inside my head without my control. This was actually more re-assuring because over thinking is bad on LSD whereas its far easier on AMT. As the fist wave of body buzz went away, nausea hit me again, and I decided it was time to open my eyes and see what was happening in the real world. I was not prepared for what I saw…
“Nope, this is defiantly not tripping” I said to myself. The whole room was now a lot like a Picasso painting. Things weren’t moving around and melting and being under control like on acid, but here was a visual display for my eyes only, like nothing I have ever seen before. As I waved my hands in the air making figure-8’s, they remained for many seconds even after my hands had been lowered. At this point, I was very physically sick, but not throwing up. Though I was not in the slightest bit scared, I was very confused, because I was not expecting the experience that I was having.
For the next 4 hours I remained mostly in my room by myself exploring what the drug was actually doing to me, and researching it on my computer. I worked myself through layer after layer of my mind trying to understand this drug. Finally inside I dug my way out of the sickness, and at that point the whole completion of the night changed. I felt as if the drug and I had become one, and I finally understood it and what it was doing. Within a matter of seconds after this mental revelation, my sickness was gone, and the world around me came back into a focus which I could deal with. I was still fucked up, but now I understood why, and was ready to leave my room.
Down the hall my friends were also having fun, but defiantly in lower doses. A lot of them had no idea what the hell was wrong with me for the last 6 hours, and if I was still sick, and just how everything was going (I later realized that most of my floor knew that I had gotten sick, and had made the assumption that I was having a bad trip. The next day I had nearly 10 people come to me and ask if I was OK. This feels good to know people care, but bad because what happens to me is not what happens to most people. Knowing now that people are paying attention to my actions, I’ll be sure not to do things which might scare the people around me, even though I was completely fine). Thus within an environment of all good friends, all fucked up together, I proceeded to experience one of the most rewarding and simply amazing realizations of my life.
Over the course of another 7 hours, I discovered what it means to be alive on this planet and how the lives we lead fit into the whole picture. That night I discovered what I call “The Flow” which I will attempt to explain.
We as a people fail to realize what it means to be human. The human brain is the most complex entity in our known realm of thinking, yet we use so little of it in our earthly lives. We have all experienced deja-vu, or had dreams which foreshadowed upcoming events. Do you think this is merely coincidence? Every single person on this Earth is connected to each other through an invisible and powerful Flow of energy. Some people are very in touch with this Flow, while others aren’t. The Flow has no magical powers, it’s not like The Force, I can’t pick up objects and throw them with my mind, that’s not the point.
We all exude an energy about us, Karma, which is interpreted by the brains of all the people around you. As you walk through a crowded park, you may never so much as make eye contact with another person, but your brain had a conversation with the brain of every single person around you, and made the choice not to present them to you.
EVERYTHING has a part of The Flow. I cannot put into words the clarity which I have. You may read this and never understand a word that I am saying, but I assure you that I will never forget the lesson which was taught to me. With this new knowledge, I soon realized that the last year of my life has been absolutely amazing, and no amount of bitching can ever make it any better. Living in the past or the future is such a futile gesture. We cannot get to the future without living the present every day. You will never know what will happen to you tomorrow, you can only make each living moment a willing part of the entire life you live.
Suddenly I realize when my life started to change. I realize when the flow hit me. One year ago I was depressed and I wouldn’t let anyone or anything help me. I had been hurt and I lost something close to me. I used weed to fix that for me. In the past I’ve been an alcoholic, and I hated myself. Now I chose weed to get away from reality, and it worked. And then I went on senior trip, and from that point on I knew what I wanted to be. I saw this kid in front of me with an amazing life, an amazing girlfriend, amazing friends, he smoked pot like no other. And suddenly I wanted to emulate that and I was going to use weed to do that for me. There is no need to name names or anything, it’s understood. I no longer wanted to be myself after I returned, and from that point on I strived to be all that and more, and I succeeded. I abused weed, wasted money and fucked up my life. But I learned something about myself that nothing else could have ever taught me.
I suddenly realize the huge number of people who my life has affected. And even beyond that, I realize that I have so many friends, and I just fail to notice them. I have begun to feel people on another level now, like never before. I look at people and I know them, and I feel them, and I know if I should be around them. I have realized how to use my life to its fullest potential without wasting any of it. Everything in this entire world boils down to mind over matter.
I suppose I should stop trying to explain, because it is something you will simply have to understand yourself. After my boys and I finished our long discussion, I realized that the drug was still in me, and I maintained to be out of it for a full 24 hours, at which point I drove home 3 hours and partied until 5 AM again. All in all, I was awake for 42 hours, did not eat for 53 hours, and realized a lifetime of information. For the days since I have been happier than ever in my life before.
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