I Was Lost From the Beginning to the End
LSD & Unknown
Citation:   Twentyseven. "I Was Lost From the Beginning to the End: An Experience with LSD & Unknown (exp29153)". Erowid.org. Nov 1, 2007. erowid.org/exp/29153

 
DOSE:
2 hits oral LSD (blotter / tab)
    oral Unknown (pill / tablet)
BODY WEIGHT: 165 lb
This past halloween was the scariest of my life. My girlfriend, best-friend, and I had all gone to New Orleans, LA for Voodoofest, an amazing 3 day concert event. One of our objectives was to find some good acid, as our town happens to be rather dry and high-priced when it comes to LSD. That first night, we bought 10 hits of 'eyeball' blotter from a random hippie. While my friend went off to see George Clinton, my girlfriend and I found someone with scissors and cut off 2 hits for each of us. Keep in mind that I can't be sure of times here, but I'm quite certain that I started to trip after only 15 minutes. My girlfriend, however, was much less phased even though she had tripped less times than me.

After about 30 minutes I started getting scared. George Clinton's performance was too loud. The noises were becoming painful, and all I could see on stage was a huge ball of moving light. My girlfriends face also started to morph, and as I began to lose my own mind, I kept telling her 'Don't lose me' because she was obviously not enjoying the music either. Finally, our friend walked out of the crowd and found us. I told him he needed to walk us to the car because we both were starting to trip too hard for our own good. The path to the car was very crowded and dark. There were police lights flashing everywhere. The darkness started to take over. I couldn't see well for some reason. It became difficult to see my friends in front of me. I kept saying, 'Where are you guys?!', only to realize that they were right beside me.

By the time we got close to the car, I was gone. I had forgotten where we were. My friend, who, luckily, stayed sober, kept reminding me that we were in New Orleans, and were supposed to be having fun. I was making outbursts in public. Basically all of the evil things my mind could conjure, I saw. I couldn't see what was really there at all. This fact was worsened when I realized I was stuck. I was in a town where I had no comfortable place to go. I couldn't escape that darkness.

The duration of the trip is honestly a blur in my mind now. I was making outbursts, uncontrollably. I heard voices in my head telling me that I had lost my mind. I believed that I was insane, and that I wasn't coming back. However, for some reason I kept screaming, 'I'm lost, but this is all I ever wanted.' I thought that I had accomplished what I was put here to do, but that I was damned to be out of my mind for the duration of life. I kept begging my friends to talk to me, because everytime they did, it brought me back to reality a little bit. However, I always would quickly delve back into my mind. Soon, I thought I was dead. I saw pictures in my head of this 'Limbo' land. I had died and was basically retracing my entire life. I would yell my girlfriend's name over and over. Her name was the only comforting thing I could think of.

I kept freaking out. I would bang my head on the windows of my car. I felt the seatbelt strapping me down, and I couldn't take it. However, I couldn't figure out how to get it off. I even accidentally grabbed my girlfriends hair once. I am not a violent man at all, but I honestly had no idea what I was doing. I don't even remember what I thought I was doing. My mind kept telling me I was on the brink of death. Sometimes, I felt as if I was rushing towards the evilness. I would yell, '(girlfriends name), please save me!' over and over, but it didn't work. I feel it necessary to mention here that my girlfriend was tripping very hard too. She, however, handled it. She admits to being extremely scared of me at some times, but she never lost her mind like I did.

My mind was bouncing between sexuality, psychosis, and death. It was the worst trip of my life. The things I saw, I can't even begin to explain. Imagine putting your mind on a wheel, spinning it, finding some random place that you know so well, but being convinced that it is all gone. My friends told me that I would lay there, mumbling to myself for 30 minutes at a time, and then suddenly burst out screaming, often throwing myself violently around the car.

I was in hell. I couldn't conceive life or death. I didn't care. As my friend was driving down the highway, I jumped up from the backseat and threw the car into park. This was extremely dangerous, and I don't know why I did it. Something compelled me. I noticed myself getting very sweaty. I tried to get sexual with myself, which I'm embarassed of considering that I was in front of 2 good friends. Honestly, I was just trying to do anything to escape all the pain in my mind. It didn't work.

I tried to run out of the car, but my friend, who is much larger than me grabbed my arm. I screamed for him to let me go. I just wanted to run, but he wouldn't. I saw a scared look in his face. It turned evil. I saw him raise a knife and stab me. I started shaking, freaking out. All he did was grab my arm, there was no knife. Eventually, my friend was helpless. He didn't know what to do either. He stopped a random girl and told her what was happening. She sold him some random pain killers (I believe) and told him to make me eat them. When my friend gave them to me he said, 'Here, these will make you come down in 10 minutes, just eat them.' I happily chewed them up.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the morning. Everyone was exhausted. We had had the scariest halloween ever. I was so scared of what I had possibly done that I took my girlfriend out and let her know how much I cared. I told her I was so sorry, that it was only the drugs, I honestly couldn't help my state. She was amazing and understood. She stuck with me through my own insanity.

I hated this trip, but I wouldn't take it away for anything. I think I learned from it. I'm a very experienced drug/psychedelic user, and this completely deflated my ego. I realized that sanity is not a given. It can so easily be ripped away. The next day, I took 1 hit of the same acid, tripped, and felt fine. It was during the day, so there was no darkness to take over. This experience was profound, I still turn it over in my head every day. I've never been the same.

Exp Year: 2003ExpID: 29153
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 1, 2007Views: 7,331
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LSD (2) : Difficult Experiences (5), Guides / Sitters (39), Relationships (44), Bad Trips (6), Festival / Lg. Crowd (24)

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