Citation: Glow worm. "The Mother Held, Comforted, and Reassured Me: An Experience with 5-MeO-AMT (exp29429)". Erowid.org. Feb 13, 2004. erowid.org/exp/29429
||(powder / crystals)
Most of my writings on drugs are substance specific and try to answer questions such as how does this drug affect me. Answers typically involved effects such as increased stamina and energy, pupil dilation, etc.
However, the purpose of this is to describe something that has happened to me while tripping; something, which after other trips and conversations with friends, applies to serotonin agonists and life in general. The particular medium through which this was experienced happened to be 5-methoxy-alphamethyltryptamine, however I again do not consider the drug itself to be very important to this story.
Some quick background:
At the time of this experience I had done 5-MeO-aMT once before, as well as a-MT, plus a handful experiences with mushrooms, acid, and ecstasy, amongst other unrelated drugs. This experience took place in may of 2002, and since I have done virtually every RC available to the gray market, as well as pretty much every street drug that exists, and tripped over 50 times.
In my opinion, 5-MeO-aMT is a nasty drug which gave me about as many good times as bad. I find it particularly toxic, turning my insides to liquid and giving me diarrhea on top of the vomiting, and the initial difficult stage usually lasts many hours longer than most trips. I have done it a few times since and have chosen not to explore further. Although I still give it much respect for the insane visuals, a mental mind-over-matter aspect lacking from some trips, and a heroic duration which won't let me down until I'm begging for it.
The trip itself involves me eating approximately 7.5 mg which I had eyeballed out myself and doubled checked using the analytical balance in my high school chem lab. We had an important school function that day which would require me to perform and act normal in public, so I figured what better than to trip? My plan was to wake up at 5am, ingest the drug and fall back asleep until my alarm rang, thus avoiding the hellish onset. In reality the drug woke me up about a half hour later and I spent the morning puking in my toilet feeling poisoned until it was time to leave. Still deathly ill I drove to school, performed wonderfully, had a blast and learned man new things, and then it was time to go home. It was now mid afternoon, a blazing hot almost summer day and I found myself remarking that 5am has to be the weirdest time I've ever dosed myself. Having nothing to occupy my conscious mind with, I fell ill again and spent some time in the bathroom. Negative emotions had been piling up on me all day and I had been tripping alone bored as hell and unable to find anything to occupy myself with other than thinking about how sick I felt. Finally I made my way outside for a walk. I felt like king Midas except instead of turning into gold everything I touched turned into fucked up. Every decision I made was bad, every person's life I touched came out worse because of it. I contributed to the growing entropy of the universe, broke things, consumed without producing, wasted, stole, lied. I killed the grass I walked on. I tried to touch a beautiful flower and it just shriveled in my hand. The problem escalated into something global. Humanity was killing this planet and everywhere I looked was smog and pollution.
I'd made my way into a field whose spring crops hadn't sprouted yet and threw myself down on the crusty dirt which had been baked in the hot sun all day and gave up. I would have cried had I not been in the period of my life where tears refused to form in my eyes. I thrust my fists into the earth and began to crumble up chunks of dirt, watching it fall through my fingers. Just underneath the hard gray soil was a world teeming with life. Bugs crawled around, scurrying to get out of the newly exposed sunlight. The earth was moist and dark brown, ripe with nutrients. The more I worked the soil with my hands the more it took on the quality of that expensive dirt you can buy from the store. Mother nature held me in her arms, comforted me, reassured me, and told me that I would always be her child and she would never forsake me. She reminded me that these same hands which could be used to destroy and bring death could also be used to caress and cultivate, to bring about peace joy and love, and that it was up to me how I chose to use them.
With this new experience of happiness I soaked up the late afternoon sun, kissed the newly exposed fertile soil, and went back inside with a new vigor to play my guitar or work on my art. Despite the fact that the sun would inevitably harden this earth as well, I knew there was more than met the eye, the hardened shell served a purpose and just underneath lay a beautiful world of life.
Later that night I called both my best friend and my girlfriend, and had deep insightful conversations patching up things which hadn't been going quite so well. At about 17 hours after ingestion I felt a noticeable but gentle comedown, which was odd because still to this day I almost always fall asleep before the trip ends. Being 10 pm and having school the next day I felt it was appropriate and drifted off into a comfortable sleep.
I find it kind of odd that such an almost bad trip was caused by seemingly nothing and saved by an equally obscure event. Still, I am glad to know I can walk through life with the blessing of the Mother and I do all I can to protect and respect her.
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